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Original poster

So my mum just died. What a bastard of a year.

158 replies

Changeofname1949 · 20/12/2020 16:41

Yesterday. She was only 72. She was in hospital so I hadn't seen her for 6 weeks. In the run up she was in a lot of pain and I had her sobbing on the phone to me whilst I tried to completely ineffectually make it better. I got to see her for 10 minutes and hold her hand while she passed away and when I try to go to sleep my brain helpfully puts me back in ICU to re-live that. I am so sad and I don't know what to do with myself (although I still have to sort out Christmas for the kids). Lockdown isn't helping as you can imagine. It's quite frankly, pants.

OP posts:
sarahC40 · 20/12/2020 17:44

Really sorry for your loss. Wishing you some peace, op.

StillReasonablyIntelligent · 20/12/2020 17:44

Nothing I can say will make it better, but couldn't read and run. I'm so sorry OP, thinking of you Flowers Flowers

BringMeTea · 20/12/2020 17:45

So sorry OP. It is shit shit shit. Be kind to yourself. Flowers

DougRossIsTheBoss · 20/12/2020 17:46

Talking of blackly comedic final moments I have the last text my mum sent (to me or to anyone I think) and she's managed to use the wrong emoji and suggest that she was broken hearted to see me rather than that she loved seeing me.
At last that's the way I've chosen to take it. She was never much good at texts.

Rainbowqueeen · 20/12/2020 17:47

I’m so sorry.
She sounds like a lovely lovely lady

You are in my thoughts. Be kind to yourself xx

HairyFloppins · 20/12/2020 17:47

So sorry OP.

ineedaholidaynow · 20/12/2020 17:47

I am so sorry @Changeofname1949 Flowers

Holothane · 20/12/2020 17:48

You poor thing 💐💐💐💐💐💐💐hugs lots of them.

Crikeyblimey · 20/12/2020 17:51

So sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself xx

AlwaysLatte · 20/12/2020 17:51

It's so, so unfair. Go with the flow, let out the pain when it happens and laugh without guilt when you can. Have lots of baths. It's a true rollercoaster and especially worse at the moment as you can't be comforted by others in the way they'd like. Thanks

persistentwoman · 20/12/2020 17:51

So very sorry OP - it's such shock to lose your Mum. As everyone has said - be gentle with yourself and keep talking. Flowers

2020inhindsight · 20/12/2020 17:52

@Changeofname1949 Flowers

So sorry for your loss

Crunchymum · 20/12/2020 17:53

I lost my mum suddenly and unexpectedly a few months ago (she was 65 and was at home)

It has thrown my whole existence into chaos but I'm still here, I'm still going, I'm still me (albeit a totally different version of me)

It is never easy to lose your mum and I know the time of year really won't help.

Be kind to yourself, do what you need to do and keep yourself well Flowers

ifIwerenotanandroid · 20/12/2020 17:53

I second AlwaysLatte: let yourself feel whatever you're feeling from moment to moment. There's no right way to feel & it's all OK.

Sending you hugs.

HazeyJaneII · 20/12/2020 17:53

I'm so so sorry.
It is just shit.
I'm glad you got to hold your mum's hand.
My mum died suddenly in June. I still get hit by waves of overwhelming sadness.
Flowers

dairyswim · 20/12/2020 17:55

I'm really sorry for your loss. Flowers

81Byerley · 20/12/2020 17:56

I'm so sorry, what an awful thing to happen. What I can tell you is that one day you'll think of her, and ICU won't be the first memory you have of her. One day you will think of her and something funny that happened, and you'll find yourself laughing. Until that day comes, cry when you need to, and in my experience that might be at the most awkward or surprising moments, and laugh when you can. I'm sorry you have lost your Mum.

BarnacleB · 20/12/2020 17:57

I'm so sorry for your loss xx

GeneParmesanPrivateEye · 20/12/2020 17:58

So sorry for your loss. That's absolutely shit. Did she have Covid?

nowishtofly · 20/12/2020 17:59

OP, I found it so hard to lose my mum, there is no relationship like it. That instinct to pick up the phone to her remained for a long time after for me and each time it was a surprise that she wasn't there. My heart goes out to you.

So sorry for your loss. Thanks

madroid · 20/12/2020 18:00

So sorry OP Flowers

Crying is very therapeutic. It leaves you so tired, but a bit less distraught.

I found the Fortunately podcast on R4 quite helpful to get off to sleep to (you can put a timer on the app to switch it off after so many minutes)

roundtable · 20/12/2020 18:00

Sorry for your loss op Flowers

ScrambledEggForBrains · 20/12/2020 18:00

Oh I’m so so sorry Hun Flowers Focusing on the kids might help a bit, I know, I was in the same place you are now on the 23rd December 2008. It was a shit Christmas, Dad was in tears all the time, my brother and I felt lost, the neigbours apologising for celebrating with family they hadn’t seen for ages. People might avoid you because they won’t know what to say. There’s nothing they can say! You’ll feel like you’re in limbo! Having my 8yr old dd to look after kept me from falling to bits. Everyone will say it gets easier and it’s true. I’m hugging you from West Yorkshire xoxo

VinylDetective · 20/12/2020 18:00

It’s a terrible place to be in, you have my greatest sympathy. I had my mum’s death on replay in my head for a long time. Five years later it’s faded a lot. Losing your mum is one of the hardest things life throws at you. You never get over but you do get used to it. Be kind to yourself. 💐

JustanotherTuesday · 20/12/2020 18:01

I'm so sorry Flowers
My Mum passed away in October, it was very sudden and it still doesn't actually seem real to me. I keep thinking I will phone her up and tell her something that's happened to me. It seems even worse losing somebody during this time, as I had hardly been able to see her this year.