So my mum just died. What a bastard of a year.

[Changeofname1949]

Yesterday. She was only 72. She was in hospital so I hadn't seen her for 6 weeks. In the run up she was in a lot of pain and I had her sobbing on the phone to me whilst I tried to completely ineffectually make it better. I got to see her for 10 minutes and hold her hand while she passed away and when I try to go to sleep my brain helpfully puts me back in ICU to re-live that. I am so sad and I don't know what to do with myself (although I still have to sort out Christmas for the kids). Lockdown isn't helping as you can imagine. It's quite frankly, pants.

I am so sorry for your loss X

I'm so sorry

I'm really sorry, the loss of a mum is a hard one to bear

So sorry my love

OP I’m so sorry

Re the last conversation

I was advised by a Macmillan nurse to talk about normal things, even when dad was unresponsive.

The last thing I said that he responded to was about me opening a new bank account for the bonus, you know when you switch banks? How mundane is that? But it made him stir and looked at me and nodded.

So don’t worry, your last message was meaningful at least.

I can’t lie, it’s going to be so hard. Talk to us whenever you want.

Just awful. I am so, so sorry. It's an awful time of year to lose a parent (I lost my dad at Christmas two years ago) and lockdown must be making it so much worse. You'll be in my thoughts

I am so sorry for your loss. There is never a perfect time to lose a parent but this time of year always seems so hard to lose someone.

You are such lovely people. @SpiderGwen, that made me laugh.

Our last ever conversation was her saying 'My phone is on 22%' and me saying 'I'll Amazon Prime a charger to the ward and text you later' Not sure if I actually did text her and she went downhill too fast to talk again. Still I guess it would be exhausting to treat every conversation as if it might be your last.

My heart really does ache for you. I lost my mum nearly 3 years ago and I really didn't know you could physically hurt from grief. It was horrendous she was my best friend and I had my son 6months previous.

It will always hurt, but you will find a way to manage that pain, I still think of my mum every day, a lot. Still cry at night but it becomes a little more bearable.

Your children will force and help you to get through this, I really do hope you get through Christmas ok. You don't have to be amazing or even good, you just need to get through it the best you can

I’m so sorry for you loss.x

My last actual words to her were spoken with me top to toe in PPE and wearing some sort of noisy filtration helmet, so not sure she would have heard them anyway. Held her hand and that's the main bit.

I am so sorry for your loss xxxx

Oh love. I'm so sorry

Ah, that's tough. So sorry

So sorry for your loss

@Changeofname1949

My last actual words to her were spoken with me top to toe in PPE and wearing some sort of noisy filtration helmet, so not sure she would have heard them anyway. Held her hand and that's the main bit.

I've cared for quite a few dying people in my job. She would have known you were there holding her hand. Please take comfort that you were there with her even if she couldn't hear you.

I’m so sorry for you loss.
My DF died in hospital two weeks ago.

Sorry for your loss

I’m so sorry for your loss. I was there in the hospice when my mum died five years ago (she was 61). She was very heavily medicated at the end and didn’t appear to be suffering but it was very traumatic to witness as it wasn’t pleasant. It took me a long time to stop having flashbacks and recurring dreams about it so I’m not surprised you are struggling when it’s still fresh.

It’s a horrific thing to go through but you were there for her to show her love at the end no natter how hard it was for you, and that’s a selfless and loving thing to do. Try to hold on to that.

Sending lots of hugs your way x

💐 I’m sorry op.
My dad died a month ago, he was in a care home, I hadn’t been able to see him for four months before that and was only allowed ten minutes when he was unconscious. I just hope he could hear me talking to him; I like to think he could. Wasn’t meant to hold his hand but I did.

It’s really very hard.
Mum’s in the same home, again only allowed ten minutes after dad died as a ‘compassion visit’. Hadn’t seen her since June.

I have some idea of how you’re feeling and just wanted to send you a big hug and my love.

I am so so sorry for your loss

I'm sorry. My mum died this year too, back in May - she was in a care home with dementia and I last saw her "well" on 22nd March. Then everything shut down so I couldn't visit the home - she fell ill with sepsis on 26th April and went into hospital, still couldn't visit. She was discharged back to the home and died there 10 days later on 24th May - I was allowed to see her, decked out in PPE, once for 10 minutes when she was just about awake but very sick and not talking. I sat with her for 30 minutes when they knew she was dying and said my goodbyes, and she slipped away 10 hours later.

It's shit, but I've barely cried because if I think too much about it I'm afraid I'll break down and not stop. But grief works it's way out one way or another doesn't it.

And it's her birthday on Christmas Day!

Sending you best wishes.

This is so sad. Sending lots of love. So sorry for your loss. It's so hard on these circumstances. I'm sure she knew how loved she was xx

Sorry for your loss

So sorry to everyone else suffering.

I'll raise a glass to you all. . You have all helped just by replying, I don't feel quite so alone xxx