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Original poster

So my mum just died. What a bastard of a year.

158 replies

Changeofname1949 · 20/12/2020 16:41

Yesterday. She was only 72. She was in hospital so I hadn't seen her for 6 weeks. In the run up she was in a lot of pain and I had her sobbing on the phone to me whilst I tried to completely ineffectually make it better. I got to see her for 10 minutes and hold her hand while she passed away and when I try to go to sleep my brain helpfully puts me back in ICU to re-live that. I am so sad and I don't know what to do with myself (although I still have to sort out Christmas for the kids). Lockdown isn't helping as you can imagine. It's quite frankly, pants.

OP posts:
bagginses · 20/12/2020 18:01

Sending you lots of love xxx

IsFuzzyBeagMise · 20/12/2020 18:01

I'm also very sorry for your loss. My mother is seventy, it's not old.

I was with my father when he died and I held his hand. This will give you comfort, in time.

Best wishes to you. Be kind to yourself.

Sexnotgender · 20/12/2020 18:01

I’m so sorry Flowers

ScrambledEggForBrains · 20/12/2020 18:03

@81Byerley you are so right xoxo

Staffy1 · 20/12/2020 18:03

I'm so very sorry Flowers

Quaagars · 20/12/2020 18:04
Flowers
Jaypreen · 20/12/2020 18:04

I'm so sorry to hear that Changeofname1949. 72 is way too young.. Huge hugs to you and best wishes for your family. As others have said - I'm sure your mum knew how loved she was...x

MadameBlobby · 20/12/2020 18:04

I am so sorry x Flowers

Aibuornot123 · 20/12/2020 18:05

So sorry for your loss xx 💐💐

hollyandkit · 20/12/2020 18:06

I'm so sorry you've lost your mum, sending love and sympathy to you Thanks

newidentiy · 20/12/2020 18:06

I lost my mum yesterday too. I am heartbroken but like you, also doesn't seem real. I also have the image of hospital stuck in my head

We have a small close family but sister cant stay due to closed hotels and lives far away. I'm single and boy is it hard when I'm on my own

MagicSummer · 20/12/2020 18:07

So, so sorry to hear your news. My dear mother died 13 years ago and sometimes it still feels like yesterday. I used to listen to the last voicemail she left on my work phone over and over until the stupid company deleted all messages one day. It WILL get easier but you will have flashback moments when it feels so bad.

SunnyChange · 20/12/2020 18:07

I'm sorry for your loss @Changeofname1949 there's nothing anyone can say to make it better. It sounds like you've had an especially shit year and I hope you get all of the love and support you need to get through this.

IsFuzzyBeagMise · 20/12/2020 18:08

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss, newidentity.
It's devastating. Be kind to yourself.

newidentiy · 20/12/2020 18:08

I dont even know what to do now and where to start with funeral, etc never done this before. I dont want to be a grown up in want to stamp my feet and say its not fair and have my mum give me a cuddle to make it better

cakeandchampagne · 20/12/2020 18:08

Flowers So sorry for the loss of your mum & the difficult circumstances.

newidentiy · 20/12/2020 18:09

Thank you

cakeandchampagne · 20/12/2020 18:13

@newidentiy Flowers

dappledsunshine · 20/12/2020 18:13

So sorry for the loss of your mum op. You did all you could for her in a really difficult time, be kind to yourself Thanks

Giggorata · 20/12/2020 18:13

I am very sorry for your loss 💐🕯and wish you the love, strength and support to get through this time.
It's the anniversary of my mum's death today.

CrepuscularCritter · 20/12/2020 18:14

I am sending a gentle hand hold to you. My mum died at a similar age to yours (7 years ago now) and allied to what SpiderGreen says I felt that I was incontinent of grief at times. It would burst out at unexpected moments, and that's absolutely ok. Be gentle with yourself through the grieving process and beyond.

Toasty280 · 20/12/2020 18:15

Sorry for your loss xxx

PearlescentIridescent · 20/12/2020 18:16

I sympathise OP and I am so sorry Flowers

My dad died on the 7th and it was a horrific shock. He was elderly and had an underlying condition but he was in for something completely unrelated and by all accounts was getting better. Went from being told in the evening that he would be brought home for end of life care so we could say goodbye to phoning the next morning to be told he had died. It's still so surreal and I hadn't seem him in weeks either and never got to say goodbye even by correspondence. Fucking devastated.

I wish you strength to get through this at the worst time of year to lose someone. He had me very late in life and I know it sounds pathetic but I don't feel old enough to be dealing with this yet.

I can't even be with my mum on the first Christmas without him because we are in the SE and if we lost her to COVID (though she is much younger than him) I would never forgive myself.

There's nothing to be said to stem the grief. I hope you manage to take one day at a time and get through this. Flowers

PearlescentIridescent · 20/12/2020 18:17

I'm so sorry OP I just reread my post and it was completely about me.

I really am wishing you all the best in the world, it's absolutely awful for you and I really hope you have loved ones around to ride the waves on this xx

tenlittlecygnets · 20/12/2020 18:19

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Have a huge hug and a hand hold.

Your brain going very and over it is your brain trying to process what dad happened, as it's such a shock.

Take care of yourself. 💐

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