How much money do you think I should be taking off dd for board?

[shamus2020]

Dd is 18 she earns roughly £750 a month from her job. This will change in January as she is upping her hours and will get around £950.

She has no responsibility's other than she pays £60 pm for a phone contract. Doesn't drive but is planning to start taking lessons in the new year.

What do you think is a reasonable amount for board?

I'd tell her she can move out then and laugh when she realises how bloody expensive it is. She sounds like an total brat. At that age I wanted to contribute, not mooch off Mum and Dad.

I think whatever her food bill is would be fair.

My children are too young to think about this, but I'm shocked at all the people that think it's not okay to ask for board. I did when I was working and living at home and didn't resent it, it helped them, I cost money living there and we all get on fine now. In fact when my mum and dad split up when I was 19 my dad really struggled because for 6 months he paid my mums bills and his own but he used to refuse money from me, I used to drop it in his shoes, leave it in his coat, go round and take shopping to make sure he could eat and pretend it was just what I had for tea then 'forget' the rest of it. I loved him, he was my parent and I wouldn't want to see him struggle.

I’d expect mine to save a good amount per month so they have house deposits etc but won’t be charging them to live at home. They have years ahead of responsibility and bills so I’d like them to enjoy that period of no commitments whilst they can.

I think they will cost less when working as we don’t have canteen lunches, educational supplies and travel costs. Can’t see them suddenly costing more when they turn 18 than say 16/17.

@Hkyvvse surely a 'mutually respectful relationship' would involve the daughter financially contributing to the household?

At any age if someone is living in a house who is not responsible for any bills, yet using all the facilities, if that person has a much larger disposable income than their struggling host, then not offering a fair contribution is unacceptable.

I'm agog that some people somehow think accommodating the entitlement makes them a better parent.

I paid £180 I think which included my phone contract. I'd have been earning similar to your daughter. (We're talking 14-15 years ago!)

I never begrudged paying it and always had plenty left over to run my car, go out drinking, pay in to a savings account... Plus I knew my Mum needed me to contribute.

It's an important life lesson IMO.

I didn't take anything off her for a year expecting her to save the majority of it. But a year has passed and shes got nothing other than clothes and shoes to show for it. My circumstances have changed dramatically in a year from going to a two parent household with two incomes to becoming a single parent, losing a job and having to juggle without a car. If she could just put in £100 a month I would try and save a bit of that for her (without her knowing) after I've paid what I need too. Her words tonight were. "Your actually spiteful, you know I'm trying to save up for a car next year. None of friends have to pay they're parents for living at home, it's skivvy. Your my mum I shouldn't have to pay you anything your a bitch. I'd rather move out than give you £100"

Funny thing is I'm too trying to save for a car.

I'd rather move out than give you £100

Tell her to go ahead.

What a madam

If she’s not saving at all that’s crazy! That’s a lot of disposable income. I’d charge her a bit less than it’d cost to rent a room and save for her.

@shamus2020

I didn't take anything off her for a year expecting her to save the majority of it. But a year has passed and shes got nothing other than clothes and shoes to show for it. My circumstances have changed dramatically in a year from going to a two parent household with two incomes to becoming a single parent, losing a job and having to juggle without a car. If she could just put in £100 a month I would try and save a bit of that for her (without her knowing) after I've paid what I need too. Her words tonight were. "Your actually spiteful, you know I'm trying to save up for a car next year. None of friends have to pay they're parents for living at home, it's skivvy. Your my mum I shouldn't have to pay you anything your a bitch. I'd rather move out than give you £100"

Funny thing is I'm too trying to save for a car.

That is extremely rude. Is she normally this bad mannered?

So has her dad left?

£300 a month would be reasonable. If you can afford to, put some of it aside, don't tell her, but give it back to her when she moves out.

I’d be giving her a deadline to move out after that charming update!

15 years ago I paid £200 excluding food.

@missanony no that was my partner and father too my two lo's. Her dad has never been in her life.

And yes she's that rude when things don't go her way.

Just tell her £ 30 a week or move out. In my experience they work better in weeks it sounds less. If she can somewhere to live for that she would be lucky.

Tbh tough love here ! Let her move out ....

My parents only asked for HK once we worked FT. They asked for £25 a week which was about 10%. MIL however, took £400 EACH from DP and BIL despite them being on apprenticeship wages, which 14 years ago, was crap money. She just didnt want to work FT so used them to top it all up. Shes in a council house so the rents not extortionate nor are the bills so god knows what she did with the money. I dont think she took the money from BIL personally though, as hes the golden child and the only one that matters.

Op, now that you've asked her to contribute, and she's said no, what are you going to do? I was lucky in that my ds wanted to pay his way, unlike most of his friends. I didn't even tell him how much, just whatever he felt he could afford. Now he's gone to uni, and if he ever needs help with deposits etc I would absolutely help him out.

Would she do some food shopping for everyone and cook a meal? There are books about managing your money for teens, would she read one? It sounds like it isn't just about the money, it's contributing to the household in other ways. Maybe stop doing everything for her. Don't do her laundry, or always cook for her. It must be very exhausting.

I’d expect 15% a month - so £130

Love MN .. a different reality ..

IF I owned my house... then no I probably wouldn't ask much other than the occasional ' top up shop' .. however I don't. We are part of the renting community (private) despite a salary of £38 k - £2300! a month... £1200 is rent., do loss of Child Benand universal credit has meant £509 less per month..

DD has to contribute £250 a month.. I am still £250 worse off... and any car emergency is a struggle.

All these people saying ask for 150 and save 100 for her if she needs it later on ??? can you not understand that the OP needs the money she’s struggling as she lost her job?? she won’t be able to save nothing.
The best way to try is to be honest with your DD and tell her you need her to help you until you’re back on your feet not ask her to pay rent

£50 a week

She earns £12k a year? Nothing, that's not even minimum wage.

At most £100 a month for food

She boys £400 shoes?!? Ignore what I said! Take 20% like taxes