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Original poster

How much money do you think I should be taking off dd for board?

286 replies

shamus2020 · 16/12/2020 16:57

Dd is 18 she earns roughly £750 a month from her job. This will change in January as she is upping her hours and will get around £950.

She has no responsibility's other than she pays £60 pm for a phone contract. Doesn't drive but is planning to start taking lessons in the new year.

What do you think is a reasonable amount for board?

OP posts:
Somersetlevel · 16/12/2020 19:50

My parents charged me 25% from the moment I started earning up to a maximum of £250 a month but they saved everything I'd earnt from the age of 14.

Bluegrass · 16/12/2020 19:52

Pompey38 - enjoy your 40 year old DC living at home while you support them!

BabyGirlNumber2 · 16/12/2020 19:55

@pompey38 it’s not charging her rent, it’s getting her to pay for what she costs the OP in extra food and bills. Charging her rent would mean asking her for £400+ per month.

pompey38 · 16/12/2020 19:55

formerbabe- when they move out ,they’ll have their whole life to pay bills and rent.
OP needs to up her game if her DD’s £750 a month is more than what the mother earns??? she needs her DD to top up the gas snd electric??? wtf?
Bluegrass- you think??? well you’re very wrong

EileenGC · 16/12/2020 19:55

@pompey38

I would never charge my own kid rent, is wrong on so many levels and no, is not a lesson on budgeting as many claim . I would encourage her to save , that’s all
If you can afford not to charge them, that's great. Many people can't afford that. I'm much older than 18 now, but whenever I go back home for a week I still offer to do some of the food shopping. God knows my parents are in the same financial situation they were when I was 18. Enough to make ends meet, no savings whatsoever. They can't afford an extra 25% on food just because I'm visiting.
EileenGC · 16/12/2020 19:57

@pompey38

formerbabe- when they move out ,they’ll have their whole life to pay bills and rent. OP needs to up her game if her DD’s £750 a month is more than what the mother earns??? she needs her DD to top up the gas snd electric??? wtf? Bluegrass- you think??? well you’re very wrong
Ha, as if increasing your earning potential was that easy. Especially now. What if the OP's daughter gets to 28 years old, and is still living at home. I mean, why would you move out if you had full board, for £0 a month?
Hkyvvse · 16/12/2020 19:58

I can’t imagine ruining a relationship with my child trying to prove a point that you think you can control them as an earning adult.
They should be upping their chores but they are working full time for that money and paying out commuting costs etc they are not a source of income for you
I don’t get it they are still your child, did everyone’s parents cut off support as soon as they turned 18? FYI mine did and I was stuck with student debt for years and then embarked on a military career but it ruin d my relationship with them as I had to jump because they pushed me

pompey38 · 16/12/2020 20:01

Majority of MN seems to be stopping being a mum as soon as the kids turn 18 .
OP said her daughter will be starting driving lessons, that’s £30 an hour, she’ll need around 50hrs, the mum is oblivious not capable of helping. If she passes she’s need a car ( hence the advice of encouraging saving) the mum again won’t be able to help since she’s struggling to top her electric up.

MrsMiaWallis · 16/12/2020 20:01

Probably 150 a month? I wouldn't charge them anything at 18 tbh but I can afford not to.

HermioneWeasley · 16/12/2020 20:02

I’d ask her to pay at least £50/week which is a bargain for all bills, food etc. I’d also be insisting that she puts £300/month into savings. That still gives her £500 a month disposable income which is the most she’ll have for years after she moves out and is paying rent

pompey38 · 16/12/2020 20:04

EileenGC- because they do, no “ normal” kids wants to live with their parents , no freedom .

Original poster
shamus2020 · 16/12/2020 20:05

@Hkyvvse she doesn't pay commuting costs. She's too entitled to use public transport. She expects a lift into and from work. Only thing she will use is an Uber and she's used that twice and she's been at the job for for over a year. Her )60 phone bill is her only responsibility.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 16/12/2020 20:05

I can’t imagine ruining a relationship with my child trying to prove a point that you think you can control them as an earning adult

That's fine, as an earning adult they can move out, support themselves and no one will control them

carly2803 · 16/12/2020 20:06

tell her to move out OP, orpay you £200 a month

thats after giving her a list of allhouse hold costs, and versus your £200

after the last post you made, of the entitled madam, i would charge her£200

ivykaty44 · 16/12/2020 20:06

They should be upping their chores but they are working full time for that money and paying out commuting costs etc they are not a source of income for you

so its ok to be a maid but not ok for an adult to contribute to their running costs...why the difference?

making an adult pay their own way doesn't mean you are no longer their parent

EileenGC · 16/12/2020 20:07

@pompey38 why is the mother's responsibility to help with driving lessons and a car? Those are expensive things. It's lovely when parents help out their young children and give them cars, a house deposit and pay for their uni fees. But not everyone is able to do that.

The OP says she has other small children still at home. Feeding and clothing them is a priority, not paying for her DD's driving lessons when she has £900 coming in each month. The OP's DD can walk, cycle, take the train, car share, or choose to pay for her car herself. Neither of those cost £900 each month. She does however need to help out her family if the financial situation isn't great right now.

pompey38 · 16/12/2020 20:07

shamus2020- don’t give her lifts, don’t cook her food , don’t do her washing or cleaning , that’s how you teach them, no by charging them board. Ask her to buy her own food , make her way to work and back etc. , if she doesn’t like it she’s free to move out.

pompey38 · 16/12/2020 20:08

EileenGC- like I said , on MN mum’s responsibility ends on kid’s 18th birthday

EileenGC · 16/12/2020 20:09

@pompey38

EileenGC- like I said , on MN mum’s responsibility ends on kid’s 18th birthday
You haven't answered my question. How is it her mum's responsibility to pay for her car?
Hkyvvse · 16/12/2020 20:10

@ivykaty44

They should be upping their chores but they are working full time for that money and paying out commuting costs etc they are not a source of income for you

so its ok to be a maid but not ok for an adult to contribute to their running costs...why the difference?

making an adult pay their own way doesn't mean you are no longer their parent

Since when does chores make you someone’s maid? 🤔 The child is paying with their time rather than actual cash
Original poster
shamus2020 · 16/12/2020 20:12

@pompey38 I don't drive so can't give her lifts. My parents do though and I have told them not too. If she wants a job to feed her Champagne lifestyle then she can get herself there. I don't cook for her because she's too fussy and doesn't like anything,she eats a lot of takeaways. This is why her money doesn't last her two weeks. I don't clean her room. But I do do her washing as there's five of us here and it's easier to just Chuck it all in together.

OP posts:
Hkyvvse · 16/12/2020 20:12

[quote shamus2020]@Hkyvvse she doesn't pay commuting costs. She's too entitled to use public transport. She expects a lift into and from work. Only thing she will use is an Uber and she's used that twice and she's been at the job for for over a year. Her )60 phone bill is her only responsibility.[/quote]
Okay there’s more detail in the ops situation
I was imagining s mutually respectful situation

EileenGC · 16/12/2020 20:12

[quote shamus2020]@Hkyvvse she doesn't pay commuting costs. She's too entitled to use public transport. She expects a lift into and from work. Only thing she will use is an Uber and she's used that twice and she's been at the job for for over a year. Her )60 phone bill is her only responsibility.[/quote]
OMG this only keeps getting better 😰 OP she sounds like a total nightmare, I'm so sorry you're having to put up with this. @pompey38 and I do agree on something Wink and that's that you should stop accommodating her, ASAP.
No lifts - she can take the bus. The most successful professionals I know walk or use public transport.
Stop the laundry, cooking and unlimited access to your groceries. She'll sulk for a few weeks and start doing it herself. Or the situation will become unbearable and she'll have to move out.

FestiveFruitloop · 16/12/2020 20:13

@Toilenstripes

I don’t understand a culture where parents get money from the government for having kids under a certain age, and then when that stops the kids themselves have to start paying. Why are people having kids they can’t afford? What an awful way to grow up.
And what awfully big brushstrokes you're painting with.

SOME of the time it turns out like you've described. SOME. But this kind of issue is far more nuanced that you're making it sound, and I think you know that really. Your post is pretty goady, but I think you probably know that.

Hkyvvse · 16/12/2020 20:14

I wouldn’t be taking this bollocks from my 13 year old never mind the original should have he charging them board

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