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Original poster

How much money do you think I should be taking off dd for board?

286 replies

shamus2020 · 16/12/2020 16:57

Dd is 18 she earns roughly £750 a month from her job. This will change in January as she is upping her hours and will get around £950.

She has no responsibility's other than she pays £60 pm for a phone contract. Doesn't drive but is planning to start taking lessons in the new year.

What do you think is a reasonable amount for board?

OP posts:
ChristmasUserName2020 · 16/12/2020 20:15

We take 20% of 17 year old DS pay but nothing from his tips (he works in a restaurant) Obviously he’s not working now and hasn’t been for about 4 months or so but I think it’s fine. He had £100s a month to spend after paying us plus we were paying his £18 a month phone bill, 50% of his bus pass and he had full run of the fridge/cupboards. Pretty sweet deal if you ask me.

Original poster
shamus2020 · 16/12/2020 20:16

@EileenGC it's a total shit show. My parents don't help they've spoilt her her whole life.

OP posts:
TeachesOfPeaches · 16/12/2020 20:16

It will be a huge fight every month to get that money OP, how do you plan to do it?

Hkyvvse · 16/12/2020 20:18

@Hkyvvse

I wouldn’t be taking this bollocks from my 13 year old never mind the original should have he charging them board
Sorry I use dictation

I mean I would not accept this entitled attitude for my 13 year old

I thought we were discussing a mutually respectful relationship that was now complicated by a child earning

From the information that they s appearing there appears to he other issues

pompey38 · 16/12/2020 20:18

EileenGC- is not , but she shouldn’t make it harder for her DD either , since she will get no help from her mum. There’s other ways of dealing with this without involving kids supplementing the parents income only because they turned 18

Original poster
shamus2020 · 16/12/2020 20:18

@TeachesOfPeaches I have no idea. She's already told me she wouldn't be able to pay me this month because she's got to pay a £125 phone bill Confused it's gonna be tough.

OP posts:
EileenGC · 16/12/2020 20:19

@shamus2020 I've just read your last post. Sorry I'm a bit over-invested in your thread but the level of entitlement... just wow.

Sounds like she just doesn't care at all, but also doesn't like it when you confront her on the lifestyle she's choosing.

More than her refusal to contribute to the bills, the main problem here is that she has no respect for you or the other people in your family. This is not about money, this is about you needing to feel respected and valued in your own house, instead of taken for granted, and your own daughter causing more problems than you already have.

Explain this to her nicely, if you can. The situation at home is just very uncomfortable for you. You can't allow this level of disrespect in your own home. She needs to see that's it's necessary to respect one's family, and that being so entitled won't lead her anywhere. Respect means helping out when needed. If she's living there for free, she can't just stay in her room until 2pm, order a takeaway and pretend like no one else lives there. That's what house shares with annoying flatmates are for.

Comefromaway · 16/12/2020 20:19

@pompey38

EileenGC- because they do, no “ normal” kids wants to live with their parents , no freedom .
Sil stayed at home rent free etc until she was in her 30’s.

She knew a cushy number when she saw it!

formerbabe · 16/12/2020 20:20

@TeachesOfPeaches

It will be a huge fight every month to get that money OP, how do you plan to do it?
Tell her dd to move out and have that fight with an actual landlord/lettings agency every month and see how that works out for her.
Original poster
shamus2020 · 16/12/2020 20:20

There’s other ways of dealing with this without involving kids supplementing the parents income only because they turned 18

My parents thought like this. It did me no favours when I had to get an iva at 24.

OP posts:
MrsMiaWallis · 16/12/2020 20:21

So she pays for her own food most of the time? You sound like you don't like her very much OP.

MrsMiaWallis · 16/12/2020 20:23

It's perfectly possible to support your child financially and not to create a useless financial leech.

pompey38 · 16/12/2020 20:23

@pompey38 I don't drive so can't give her lifts. My parents do though and I have told them not too. If she wants a job to feed her Champagne lifestyle then she can get herself there. I don't cook for her because she's too fussy and doesn't like anything,she eats a lot of takeaways. This is why her money doesn't last her two weeks. I don't clean her room. But I do do her washing as there's five of us here and it's easier to just Chuck it all in together.
So what expenses exactly have increased , you don’t drive her, you don’t cook got her etc ??? is because she earns she should pay sort of thing??? what your parents do for her is not your business

SelfIcellation · 16/12/2020 20:24

£50 a week is reasonable.

Original poster
shamus2020 · 16/12/2020 20:24

@MrsMiaWallis she buys 3/4 takeaways a week. That's hardly doing her for breakfast/lunch/dinner and snacks? I don't like the person she becomes when money is mentioned no.

OP posts:
MrsMiaWallis · 16/12/2020 20:25

Yes I agree her relationship with your parents isn't up to you. You can't have it both ways!

pompey38 · 16/12/2020 20:26

shamus2020- well that’s your own fault nit because your parents didn’t charge you rent at 18

Original poster
shamus2020 · 16/12/2020 20:27

@pompey38 I drove her for the best part of 9 months too and from work and anywhere else she wanted to go. Then my car broke and I haven't been able to replace it. I lost my job this year too due to covid and then I was hit with a big uc over payment.

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 16/12/2020 20:28

Ok, so I’ve just read the OP out to my 19 year old daughter.

She says that £50 a month is way too low & you should look at what she’d be paying in a house share. She’s an adult and she should have to pay her way.

She says when she leaves college she fully expects to pay her way.

pompey38 · 16/12/2020 20:29

Comefromaway- and because your SIL did it that means they all do ??😂 well I don’t know any, as soon as they’re off to uni that is it , they come back on holidays or if they go through a rough patch. If they’re going into employment they rent a flat with their mates and move out . Al least that’s what they do around here , all of the 18-19 yrs old I know

CharDee · 16/12/2020 20:30

My 19 year old niece lives with me. She basically has her own little apartment on the side of our house. She earns a bit more than your DD and has been living with us for the past year. She was working part time before lock down and then during lockdown went to full time/over time. Now she is full time in another industry. She did consider moving out to a house share earlier this year but we said she was welcome to stay longer.

We're really fortunate that we don't need her to contribute financially to the household and we haven't seen that much of an increase in bills. She wanted to stay with us on the condition that she "paid her way" so we agreed on £200 a month. I have been putting that in savings for her and she has also started saving some of her wages in another account. I was furloughed for quite a while and we did have a drop in income. She offered to pay more and when we said she didn't need to she did things like order the Asda shopping without telling us or treating us all to a takeaway Grin

I moved out at 18 but at 16 I was earning around £700 a month and paying my mum and dad £100.

MrsMiaWallis · 16/12/2020 20:31

What amount would you like from her? The concensus seems to be 200 a month.

ivfbabymomma1 · 16/12/2020 20:32

I wouldn't make her pay rent but I'd expect contributions towards takeaway, luxury toiletries etc

Chloemol · 16/12/2020 20:38

I would say £150, use £50 and save £100 to give back when she leaves

That said if money is tight and she moves out how would you manage?

lemonsquashie · 16/12/2020 20:43

If she is working full time, she could contribute a
Little. That would also help for her to learn how to manage her money.

If she's buying lots of clothes and shoes and make up and you're struggling to make ends meet, it seems logical to me.

So many people have no idea how to manage money and live beyond their means

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