How much money do you think I should be taking off dd for board?

[shamus2020]

Dd is 18 she earns roughly £750 a month from her job. This will change in January as she is upping her hours and will get around £950.

She has no responsibility's other than she pays £60 pm for a phone contract. Doesn't drive but is planning to start taking lessons in the new year.

What do you think is a reasonable amount for board?

Charging her a bit of rent gives her an opportunity to feel pride, she is bringing money into the family, starting to pay her way and stand on her own two feet. That’s a wonderful feeling, I wouldn’t want to deny an adult child the opportunity to feel that.

She called me a bitch and said she would rather move out

She can move out then.

@SendHelp30 I’m assuming you didn’t get the help you needed? Help for being a goady fucker that is.

Call her bluff and let her find out how much it would cost to move out. She’ll soon agree to your very generous £100 per month.

I'd work out how much you need to make each month a bit more comfortable and go from there.

£200 a month does sound reasonable though given her salary.

I'm shocked people are saying she shouldn't pay a thing (when you've already stated things are tight). It's so good for young people to learn how to budget from early on.

Even if things weren't tight I think it's good to take "rent" off young people when they are working full time and living at home. Then you could give it back as a big lump sum when they move out. Still learned the lesson of budgeting but a nice surprise at the end.

This thread lost me at the boob job - still it keeps everyone entertained.

I'd say £50 a week is fair. Can't believe so many people think she should pay nothing. She's a working adult. She needs to contribute whether her mother is skint or a millionaire.

i told her £100pm (£50 for gas and £50 for electric) I think that's reasonably and it would help out massively. She called me a bitch and said she would rather move out than give me £100 pm
Ok then you say she’s got 4 weeks, 8 if you’re being generous to move out. If not you’ll change the locks and pack up her stuff and leave it on the lawn.

It’s one thing to be in a position where you can afford to allow your capable, adult children who are working and eating a decent amount in your home without any contribution. I would have been utterly mortified having that amount of disposable income at 18 and not helping my parents out.

@shamus2020 I was going to suggest stop doing any laundry/cooking for her and turn the WiFi off, but it sounds like she'd have enough money to get an unlimited data package  (not envy).

I'd definitely stop doing anything for her, she thinks she's entitled to a free room, free food, free utilities and a free maid.

If you don't want to go cold turkey, say there will be one hot meal ready each night for the family to eat, but that's it. She should at least pay for some of her food. She CAN'T use what you've got in the cupboards. She should buy Ariel pods and do her laundry herself. If she was at university she'd have to do that, and the first time I realised a box of detergent can cost £10 I was shocked.

And give her a deadline. If by the 31st of January things haven't improved and she isn't contributing to the household in any way, you will take her up on the offer of moving out please. She will have one month to find a shared flat somewhere, I can assure you that's more than enough time to sort accommodation.

Stick to your word.

I'm sorry things are so hard  she needs to wake up and realise adult, employed adults in the family should contribute to the household.

@SendHelp30

So once children reach 18 it’s no longer your responsibility to feed them? My 12 year old nephew also does the same to my sister should she not feed him either? She’s your responsibility while she’s under your roof. There was another thread similar to this today. I honestly can’t understand this mindset of now they earn I know longer provide. You’re her mother for Christ sake. If you’re struggling with your finances, you need to work out how to improve that for yourself, not have your child bail you out. What would you do if you were struggling financially with a toddler?

So how is she supposed to learn budgeting??

She's earning. I could see a case for not asking adult children to pay any board if they aren't working, or even if they are saving for a deposit on a house perhaps, but adult children should be able to understand that adults have to pay their way.

I started to contribute towards my board when I started working, and wouldn't have expected to do otherwise. I'm bemused by those who think parents have a responsibility to keep their adult children indefinitely.

Plus, having read the OP's other posts, given her attitude I'd definitely be charging her something.

Hold firm, adults do not get their way by tantrumming. She has to learn. If anyone criticises you, calmly say 'I expect a contribution from anyone living here who is earning and I have taken her circumstances and outgoings into account. Would you like to help her find a better deal somewhere?

But don't go to her out of the blue and say 'you either contribute £100 a month or please, move out because it'll be cheaper for everyone'. Plan to sit down at the weekend with her and try to have a nice, relaxed conversation about what needs to change moving forward. Give her a timeline and stick to it. Calling your own mother a bitch is unacceptable.

I lived at home through my 20s and I paid a third of the bills (excluding mortgage), plus for my own car, phone, clothes etc. I think you should help your daughter to budget so she can start a pension, save for holidays or a deposit on her own place eventually. It’s lovely to be young with no responsibilities, but there’s no reason she should be spending half her wage on shoes while OP is struggling to pay the food bill. I was paying £200 a month contribution in my day on a similar wage which was more than fair for food, heating, electricity, council tax etc etc.

Just say we'll choice is contribution or as she suggests moving out which will cost her six times that so choice is hers. She will probably sulk and then realise there is no point cutting her nose off.

She definitely needs some real life skills of learning to budget if she spends £300 a month on bloody shoes! I don't think I have ever spent that and I earn more than she does.

@HotSince63

We have absolutely no need for DS to contribute financially to our household but damn right we'll be expecting a contribution from him when he's working, not in education, and still living at home.

Welcome to adult life, son.

No wonder there are so many stories of cocklodgers on MN, they're all learning it from their parents.

I think I love you a wee bit

If she can afford to spend £300 a month on a pair of shoes she can bloody well pay £100 towards the bills. That is disgusting!

Let her move out. She’ll soon back down and pay £100 a month when she realises how good a deal that is!

If you can afford it take say £100 pcm and save it for her.

"She called me a bitch and said she would rather move out than give me £100 pm when her brother and sister pay nothing. Ds is 18 but lives with my ex other Dd is 16 and is still in education so isn't expected to pay towards the house. Obviously if ds came back home then he would be paying the same. With do I do"

Well if she'd rather move out, let her do just that. Not that she will, because she'd have to find the deposit for a flat and act like a feckin' adult.

Do NOT accept this disrespect from her. Do not sweep her screaming at you under the carpet. Tell her you're absolutely fine with her moving out, you can claim the single adult discount on the rate which will be a huge help and the drop in the food bill will help too, thank you daughter dearest, shall we have a look at Rightmove to see what properties she can choose from or will she be moving in with friends? CALL HER BLUFF.

DD is 23 and works full time. We split the gas/electricity and water bills, house insurance in half. She pays the excess of council tax that I no longer receive the 25% discount for, buys and cooks her own food and we split household type costs and housework. We both feel that it's fair.

Send her some ads for local bedsits as they include utilities in the monthly charge, that may shake her up a bit ..... good luck OP

Aged 18 my daughter was paying £130 per week to her landlady which covered room, breakfast, evening meal & all bills including access to WiFi.

She’s now living in halls of residence and as a student I don’t charge anything when she’s home for the holidays but I did charge her £35 per week from her maintenance allowance towards food when she was home in term time due to covid.

My in laws never charged their kids anything. Sil left school at 16, worked full time and never contributed a penny, even when her parents were out of work due to redundancy. She became very entitled.

Dh stayed on at college and went to uni. The second he moved out that was it, they didn’t even give him the parental contribution towards maintenance they were supposed to.

If she doesn’t like it tell her to try finding somewhere cheaper.

I don’t understand a culture where parents get money from the government for having kids under a certain age, and then when that stops the kids themselves have to start paying. Why are people having kids they can’t afford? What an awful way to grow up.

Op I was paying 150 a month in 1990, if she doesn’t want to pay and do it nicely I’d honestly tell her to move out and find out how much life costs. You don’t want to be begging her each month for rent. She is an adult and You are doing her no favours subsidising her... and it doesn’t matter what other people pay, the sooner she learns life isn’t fair the better.

@EileenGC if I gave her a months warning that I was planning a meeting with her to talk about contributing to the household she'd still scream and tantrum about it. Her belief is that she's earned it so it's hers. Thing is I've never asked her for any contribution before she's literally had her own money and does what she likes with it. But I'm sick of her entitled ways.

The important word being kids/children.

People have children expecting to keep them until they leave full time education. Then they are expected to get a job and pay their way as adults in society.