How much money do you think I should be taking off dd for board?

[shamus2020]

Dd is 18 she earns roughly £750 a month from her job. This will change in January as she is upping her hours and will get around £950.

She has no responsibility's other than she pays £60 pm for a phone contract. Doesn't drive but is planning to start taking lessons in the new year.

What do you think is a reasonable amount for board?

@shamus2020

The reason I wish my parents had is because I too grew up like her shit with money, because of that I got into huge amounts of debt very young and had to enter into an iva. As an adult I've had to teach myself about money and budgeting. If my parents had taken money from me it would of taught me the value of it instead I blew the lot. I've tried to teach her but she's always been crap with money, for instance if I gave her and her db and ds £20 as kids she would go to the corner shop and blow it all but her db and ds would save £18 of it and spend the £2.

That makes sense. If you are struggling financially then your daughter absolutely should contribute to the household bills. More importantly, she should WANT to, as any decent person would. How can she see you struggle while spending hundreds a month on a pair of shoes?

I think her paying you £50 a week is reasonable.

Does she contribute by helping with housework? I paid a small amount, 60 a month, but this was 22 years ago, I was also expected to cook a meal twice a week, do all washing and ironing and clean the bathroom and vacuum the living room.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion based on OPs description, it’s quite obvious DD has no sense of responsibility, money management, empathy for her struggling DM. Notably prioritising luxury items and a boob job over paying her way as an 18 year old, who works full time and still lives at home with her single DM.

@Bananalanacake she might clean the bathroom one or twice a week. For the 5 weeks she was furloughed She was laying in bed until 2-3pm. I was getting home from work and had an hour to do housework and pick my 2 small dc up from school. A few times she collected the kids from school so I could get on with things but she argued about that!
Seriously I'm fed up with it all.

I was always told to think: 1/3 on rent/mortgage and fixed house-related bills, 1/3 on other expenses, 1/3 in savings.

I'd love to save a third of my earnings but that ain't happening any time soon unfortunately, however it gives you a rough idea of what could be achieved in an ideal world.

I'd say £200 towards 'rent' and food would be reasonable. Especially if she's earning £900 but you're struggling financially and she's wasting half of her wages on expensive items she doesn't need. I'd encourage her to save another £200 a month (tell her she could have £2k by the end of the year - is there something she'd like to buy with that amount? A car, travel for a few months, she might want to move out and need a rent deposit...).

That still leaves her with £500 a month. Personally I think that's way too much for someone who has no idea how to take advantage of it, but she'd feel like most of her salary is still under her control.

Children don't stop being children when they turn 18. But they do need a good education when it comes to money. When the time comes for her to live independently (be that next month or in 3 years), she should have some basic understanding of how bills work and how to manage her money sensibly.

Honestly if I ever 'had' to take money off my child it would be a maximum of 10% of her wages.

@SendHelp30

0. Shes your child.

This.

Eek she needs to learn good financial planning, the current set up is not doing her any favours. Good on you for recognising it. Hold firm OP and point out that thanks to her poor attitude and spending priorities you have decided to up it to £75. Show her how much you could rent the room out for or suggest she looks for a rental if she is unhappy with that deal.

Nothing, she’s your daughter

I would however expect her to pay for makeup/haircuts/clothes/going out etc. She’ll have to save for car insurance, car, lessons which will be a big chunk of her wage. £950 is not a lot of money at all.

You should point out that you've lost your 25 percent council tax reduction as she is an adult. She needs to pay her way.

@peboh you may never had any concerns about keeping a roof over your head and food on the table then. If you had, you might feel a bit different and be less judgmental.

I paid ‘rent’ to my dps aged 17. I was a student working part time and earning good money. I paid this til I left home at 25 to by my first house.
I didn’t expect them to pay anything for me after leaving school, I got a part time job ASAP. I used to get lots of overtime too. I worked hard and played hard.
Yanbu. I’m surprised she hasn’t offered as that is what I did to my dps. I wrote a cheque/gave cash.
Does she know you’re struggling?

My mum charged me £100 a month when I'd finished uni and moved back home to figure out next steps. I was earning around £1000 per month at the time and I think that was fair. I was 22, though, not 18.

[quote bubblesforlife]@peboh you may never had any concerns about keeping a roof over your head and food on the table then. If you had, you might feel a bit different and be less judgmental.[/quote]
Nice of you to assume that, however that's far from the truth. I was raised in a single parent household with 3 siblings, where my mum often had to work two jobs just to support us. I still stand by what I said, it's what my mum did with me and it allowed me to save my money to move out, but also to enjoy being a young adult before I had the pressures of bills etc. I did however do all my own food shopping, so the 10% was just for the household bills.

My DDworks in a toy shop, she has a part time contract but her hours can go up to full time depending on the time of year. I get £50 per week from her as long as that leaves her with £100 for herself, if not it's £30. She doesn't drive and pays for her own phone, she would often pay for her own food too.

Why does she “need” to? Because you’re struggling doesn’t mean your child has to contribute?

Life isn’t free that’s why

I’m sure it’s much cheaper for ops dd to stay at home and contribute than op downsize

The government set figures for contributing to a house hold would be £50.05 per week or £216 per month

I take 10% towards household bills as a contribution, but dd is good about getting milk and bread

I’d say £30 -£50 a week.

If like you said, she really has no understanding of money and budgeting as opposed to just wanting to spend her salary on crap, I'd do the following.

Sit her down with your/your OH's wages in front of you (if you have a partner and they're in work). You may not want to do this but my parents were always really open with us about how much money was coming in roughly, so a quick calculation would give us the answer to 'is what I'm asking for completely unaffordable'.

Have a spreadsheet ready that lists all the household bills including water, electric, WiFi, council tax, insurance etc.
How much is rent/mortgage. Explain about the interest on a mortgage.
Do you have any cars? Paying off any credit cards? Same as above.

Now you've done a rough calculation of how much it costs to run your household vs how much money comes in each month, before you even get to food/clothes/treats/birthday and Christmas presents.

Ask her what she thinks would happen if the fridge broke down, your boiler needed replacing or a pet gets ill. Emergency money talk here. Unless you can't afford to have an emergency pot, in which case tell her how lucky she would be to have one.

A lot of children are growing up 'protected' and we're told they shouldn't know what's going on financially in the house. I think they absolutely should. In an age-appropriate manner, but if you grow up understanding how finances and budgeting works, you'll know how to handle money in the future. She needs a wake up call, it will have huge benefits for her in the future to learn about these things.

Aw ok @peboh it’s good to know that you also have not had it easy and do understand and empathise with OP who is struggling financially and asking for advice on MN about what to do with her adult DD .

@ScrapThatThen

Eek she needs to learn good financial planning, the current set up is not doing her any favours. Good on you for recognising it. Hold firm OP and point out that thanks to her poor attitude and spending priorities you have decided to up it to £75. Show her how much you could rent the room out for or suggest she looks for a rental if she is unhappy with that deal.

Oh I forgot about this. Get on right move and show her what the going rate for a single room is in your area. And that's before you even get to bills.

I'd say 150 a month. Thays far less than she would be paying elsewhere but still a decent sum for you to cover her food and bills with.
Some people in this thread are not living in reality. Yes it would be lovely if adult kids could live with their parents for free but not many people can actually afford that... if a child is working full time they need to be contributing to the household.

When my adult DC have lived and worked at home, I ask them to pay their share of the bills - that’s council tax, utilities, broadband and food. It usually works out at about £50 a week.

I see it as partly about financial education and partly about treating them as an adult with adult responsibilities.

I wouldn’t ask them to contribute to the mortgage or house maintenance because that’s my asset, not theirs.

@EileenGC she knows this already. Ive shown what it costs to run this house and how much Income I receive. She argues that it's not upto her to run this house when I'm the mum.

The problem is none of her friends parents take money from them so she call me cruel and spiteful every time I bring the conversation up.

So I've just spoken to her and her defence went up straight away screaming that she doesn't walk to talk about it because I'll put her in a bad mood I told her £100pm (£50 for gas and £50 for electric) I think that's reasonably and it would help out massively. She called me a bitch and said she would rather move out than give me £100 pm when her brother and sister pay nothing. Ds is 18 but lives with my ex other Dd is 16 and is still in education so isn't expected to pay towards the house. Obviously if ds came back home then he would be paying the same. With do I do

£300 shoes and a boob job? Seriously? I would hit the roof, and trust me I am considered very financially indulgent to our teens.

There is no way a working adult should be saving for a boob job while sponging off her mum for living. £200 a month is perfectly reasonable. She knows where the door is if she doesn’t like it