How much money do you think I should be taking off dd for board?

[shamus2020]

Dd is 18 she earns roughly £750 a month from her job. This will change in January as she is upping her hours and will get around £950.

She has no responsibility's other than she pays £60 pm for a phone contract. Doesn't drive but is planning to start taking lessons in the new year.

What do you think is a reasonable amount for board?

She can bloody well move out then. CF.
Oooo, toddler tantrums, really mature of her.
@Toilenstripes I’m assuming op split with her dh/dp and was getting 25% reduction in council tax. She’s 18 and an adult, so not only needs to behave like one, but act like one.

She is an adult, op is not saying she won't feed her or keep a roof over her head far from it. Have you explained that money is tight because if you have I can't understand why she wouldn't want to help? Do you cook and clean for her?

I think £50 is reasonable, if she is kicking off about it then maybe she needs to start searching for somewhere to live. You are her parent and are supporting her but at some point adults have to transition and start making their own way in the world. Op is her parent but she is not responsible for all of her dd's needs and wants for the rest of her life.

Well you earn your own money and are entitled to it. If she wants to be treated like an adult, it come at a price. And for those people who say don’t have children if you can’t afford them, she is a working adult.

Having read your posts. I would say 50% of her income. People have said 30% as that’s how much housing costs, not where I am. Housing costs eat a fair chunk of earnings. I would save the vast majority of it. You’ve indicated that £50 a month is enough to help you out so take £50 for bills/paying for food. The rest I would save for her, so when she wants to move out she has a nice amount for furniture or a deposit.

My son paid about 15 to 20% of his income to us. he was happy to it included all his food. When i was 16 i paid my mum 25% which was a lot at the time. i was 25 when my dad passed away and after that i had to pay all the house bills except food and car bills, until i left home. That worked out at about 60% of my earnings.

She sounds a nigtmare. Sorry you are having to deal with all this! It doesnt matter what all her friends parents are doing its what you need that counts. 100pcm is nothing. Can she go and live with her dad for a bit?

When I first started earning part time at 18 it was the middle of the late 80s recession. My money helped keep a roof over our heads as my parents mortgage went through the roof. I fully understood this.

Let her tantrum. Ignore all the drama. Lay down the ground rules and if she hasn't complied by X date, she can move out. It was her suggestion after all.

If you are struggling you need to ask her to contribute. She is an adult working in the real world she has to learn about finances and how to budget.

I'd suggest she has a look at the price of a little flat share with bills and food on top and she will realise £200 per month is a bargain! Irrespective of your income, I think she needs a reality check spending £300 on shoes and saving for a boob job while you pick up the slack!! I also think she needs to take responsibility for a couple of areas around the house so she learns the work that's needed in adulthood! (PS I never was charged board or had to do chores but I think these are important lessons but I did move out at 18). Good luck!

Our DD has a fairly well paid job and gives us 140 a month (£35 a week) just for food ( she doesn't actually eat that much!) but we know she is saving hard to buy her own place so happy not to ask for too much so she can get enough for a deposit- it's so hard for young people to get their foot on the property ladder.

We can afford to support this but it would be different if we were strapped for cash.

Well that's not necessarily the case @Toilenstripes! When a child becomes an adult, no longer in education but in full time employment they should pay their way. As when they do leave home, how will they manage to budget and not get into endless debt??🤨 I would understand if she earned little but £900 a month I'd ask for £300. Use £200 towards bills/food and save £100. That still gives her £600!!!! I don't have that spare each month, young people today are over privileged/spoilt.

@SendHelp30

Why does she “need” to? Because you’re struggling doesn’t mean your child has to contribute?

are you serious. why should she not contribute. no mention of her contributing in kind, ie cleaning the house, shopping and cooking for everyone. why should the parents be expected to provide everything ad infinitum ? she is of age, she is earning a good salary, has plenty of disposable income. and furthermore it is good to learn the facts of life, that one has to pay their way, be responsible.

My dd is earning roughly £800 a month on a apprenticeship. She pays for her phonebill her car and insurance. We ask for £40 a month. It was originally £80 as we had brought her her first car. But she had a bad accident writing it off so we halved it to help her out. She finishes her apprenticeship in jan and her board will be going back up. I also sat her down and showed her all the monthly outgoings. She agreed that £80 didn't even make a dent but it was nice she contributed a little.

I used to pay £30 a week when I lived at home, £120 a month was agreed by direct debit on the 1st of the month!

@CremeEggThief

OP, you are perfectly entitled to take money for board from an 18 year old who is in full-time work.

Anyone suggesting otherwise on this thread must have much more money than sense, and is part of the massive problem in this country and society of infantalising adult children.🙄

yes exactly. well put.

Sorry OP but she sounds a nightmare if she screams and shouts at you and calls you a bitch ... I would calmly suggest that if that's how she feels it would be a good idea to move out after Christmas ....

Some absolutely crazy or overly-privileged posters on this thread!
Have you read where the OP is struggling to pay her utilities, while her daughter is splurging on designer shoes all the time and wants to save for a boob job, and you still think her behaviour and attitude are ok?!🤔😬

@sunshineandshowers21 has it right. My boss, who is not much older than I am, told me the other day she would have loved to have been a nurse, but she knew there wasn't the money for it at home, so she started an apprenticeship at 16, knowing she could help her parents out with board. So there she was, contributing to the family finances with her apprenticeship payment/allowance and that was only in the mid-nineties!

Some people here honestly have no idea how lucky they are, and how many more opportunities there are for some people now. You really are living life in a bubble, and I don't mean a Covid 19 bubble!😬

@SendHelp30

0. Shes your child.

WTF, she’s not 5.

Her sense of entitlement is quite something.

OP we ask my son for £300 and consider it a bloody bargain.

We don't need it - the absolute point is to show him it costs money to live, and he has to pay his way. He has no issue whatsoever.

Those folks aghast at asking for a fair contribution are doing their children no favours. As you've discovered OP.

Put your foot down on this one.

£200

£100 in your pocket
£100 in a savings account for her that she dosnt know about

She's an adult, she should pay her way!

Our oldest is 17, at college and has a part time job and we take board from him. We take 20% of whatever he's paid that month as his hours change a lot. We don't need the money, we're saving it for him but he doesn't know that. But nothing in life is free and they need to learn that. If we didn't take money he'd just waste it on material rubbish. We also make him save some of his salary which is his responsibility, even if it's just £20 as long as he's saving something.

OP if you need her to contribute she should. If you need £50 per month from her then take £100, use the £50 and save the other £50. She clearly doesn't like your house rules, she'll have a shock when she chooses to leave if she thinks £50 is unfair!

OP, i think you really need to make a stand on this.
maybe give her notice to quit.
take her at her word, she said he would rather move out than pay you for board. so let her move out. she has her choice.
what's the alternative OP. that you be a slave all your life ?
that seems to be how she sees you, that your reason for existing is to serve and furnish her with whatever she wants.

My parents took 50% of my weekly wage. They took 25% for my rent and banked the other 25% so if I needed money in the future (buying a car, uni house etc) I had some savings. This was a great way of saving and taught me to manage my money.

I would never charge my own kid rent, is wrong on so many levels and no, is not a lesson on budgeting as many claim . I would encourage her to save , that’s all

@pompey38

I would never charge my own kid rent, is wrong on so many levels and no, is not a lesson on budgeting as many claim . I would encourage her to save , that’s all

What levels in particular?

At what age do you think it's reasonable to expect them to contribute or would you happily financially support an adult child indefinitely?