How much money do you think I should be taking off dd for board?

[shamus2020]

Dd is 18 she earns roughly £750 a month from her job. This will change in January as she is upping her hours and will get around £950.

She has no responsibility's other than she pays £60 pm for a phone contract. Doesn't drive but is planning to start taking lessons in the new year.

What do you think is a reasonable amount for board?

£200 is standard in my circles. Sometimes £150 or £120 if they’re the type to buy and cook their own food.
Half of Mumsnet want to call social services on you the second you mention your kid paying board 🤣 take no notice OP, if you feel bad and don’t want to take too much maybe try to calculate how much food she’s eating and what that’s probably costing? Bills wouldn’t change considerably if she moved out so I wouldn’t take those into account, you’re not wicked if you do though.

What @hotsince63 said.

If you don't step up now OP she'll end up in shit loads of debt with no clue how much living actually costs as well as a sense of entitlement that'll make her head explode.

I'd say £300, and i'd save half of it for her, on the premise that she also saves some herself, motivation. Otherwise she can check out the rooms for let section. I used to charge £450 a month for a double room in a nice house in a fairly cheap part of the UK 10 years ago. And that didn't include food. Just saying.

She sounds an entitled madam, if she can't contribute towards board and lodging suggest she moves out and rents a flat. Can't believe that a working adult expects to live 'free'. Have you sat her down and shown her the bills involved in running a house?

I think you need to calculate what she costs you, ir a third of the utilities plus food.

You won't be charging her rent, just making her pay what she uses.

And your daughter needs a reality check. She sounds quite spoilt. Sorry.

Maybe £200-£300 a month. Go through all the bills, food costs etc and work out the total household expenditure (when we did this with our son, we didn't include the mortgage, but would have done if we had been very short of money). Divide by the number of working adults and use that as a starting point. I think it does a young working adult no favours to let them live for free (assuming they're not in education). I would be strict about it - if she can can get a better deal elsewhere, she's welcome to do that. When our son was ready to move on, we let him keep a few months money to save a deposit, same when he had an unexpected car bill. I think better to have a strict board payment, then be generous from time to time (if you can afford it). If they're properly saving for something you think is positive, like a mortgage or a car or travelling, you can be flexible. For your daughter to have a higher disposable income than you, and for her to say she's not paying you anything, is taking the piss and not to be encouraged.

I don’t think based on OP’s circumstance that saving on behalf of her rather immature 18 year old DD is an option.

What makes you think she's "rather immature"?

£50 is a nominal amount OP, she’s lucky that’s all you’re suggesting. That will barely cover any cost that her presence adds to your household.
A boob job??!! She’s having a laugh. Don’t put up with that rudeness.

Why do you wish they had?

Sorry op, quote fail! Why do you wish your parents had taken money off you?

Our jobs as parents are to raise ADULTS not children. Thats why there's so many entitled bratty adults these days.
Ask your daughter to start paying toward bills and food, maybe 200 a month. It will teach her great life lessons and how to be money sensible.
My brother did this with his 18 year old boy and he changed dramatically for the better!

@SendHelp30

Why does she “need” to? Because you’re struggling doesn’t mean your child has to contribute?

Because as an adult there will council tax payable for her. Because she uses the utilities and eats the food??

@SendHelp30

So once children reach 18 it’s no longer your responsibility to feed them? My 12 year old nephew also does the same to my sister should she not feed him either? She’s your responsibility while she’s under your roof. There was another thread similar to this today. I honestly can’t understand this mindset of now they earn I know longer provide. You’re her mother for Christ sake. If you’re struggling with your finances, you need to work out how to improve that for yourself, not have your child bail you out. What would you do if you were struggling financially with a toddler?

Because child benefit stops when they're an adult! Because an 18 year old earning 950 a month is slightly different to a 12 year old still at school!

When I left school I had to pay a third of my wage, save a third and the rest was mine to blow.

We don't need DS to pay but when he's earning he will pay, he already knows as soon as you get a wage you have to start paying towards living costs. I intend saving this money for him but am not telling him this.

I remember giving my mum 20% of my take home pay towards my keep.....started from my first pay packet 40 years ago. I was happy to pay and it taught me a lot about budgeting and running a home when I moved in with my partner a few years later. If your daughter is not happy to contribute I suggest you ask her to move out, she will soon realise how expensive the real world is!

i think this issue shows just how middle class mumsnet is. i’m from a working class family living on a council estate and it’s the norm for people living at home to start paying board as soon as they start working. i, and everyone i knew, paid board until they left home. i wouldn’t have expected my parents to carry on paying my way when i was earning my own money. if you don’t take board from your kids then maybe be thankful that you’re in a position to do so, and don’t knock those who aren’t!

@shamus2020 My dd is in same boat but saving for Uni next year and trip to Ghana - I am a single mum on a below average salary who has never receivef maintenance. She will be studying Law and has been advised maintaining a part-time job while studying is inadvisable (LOADS of study) therefore she needs to save now.

The way I see it she costs me nothing significant in household bills so I ask her just to buy some pricey food (she’s vegan and likes bits and pieces from Waitrose and M&S that she buys herself).

She has worked bloody hard this year and I want her to save so that her Uni experience is comfortable. I would rather my kids save than pay me rent but everyone’s different.

We're currently living with my in laws. Our board is half the shopping bill.

We offered to pay half the utilities as well but they declined that.

We don’t charge ours because we don’t need the money , it frankly only costs me what they eat as I’d still be heating the house , having the internet etc and they are both excellent at saving and don’t fritter or waste money . @shamus2020 if your daughter is 18 and has no concept of saving then you’ve not taught her properly , taking money for a nominal keep does not teach someone how to budget that should have been taught years ago . If you need the money because you’ve lost benefits ( including child benefit / single occupant council tax etc ) then obviously you need to charge your adult child rent but don’t try to sell it as you are doing her some kind of favour . My parents never charged me but I took on some costs of our horses when I started work , my husbands parents charged him a hefty rent from as soon as he got a job and he’s more anti taking money off our dc than I would be .

Saving for a boob job? WTF?

If she can afford to think about buying cosmetic surgery, she can afford to pay a reasonable amount toward the cost of the roof over her head and the food on the table. £200 a month is perfectly reasonable and teaching her to budget for this will be an important life lesson for when she moves out and has to find out the hard way that rent, food & bills are a higher priority than new tits.

My son [ 20] earns roughly the same as me. He knew he would have to contribute towards household expenses once he got a full time job.
They may still be your child, but they are now adults in a working world. I would never expect to go and live with my parents now and not contribute [ I am still their child ] , and I do the same for my child. He pays around 25% of his income towards the household. He does this willingly and I have never had a problem with him arguing about it.
He knows if he wanted to move out it would take the majority of his wages to live on his own, so is quite happy to stay here for the time being. He still manages to save a significant amount of money.

I had to pay a percentage of my wages as soon as I started work when I was younger. I never understand the argument on MN saying parents should never ask their child for money to live at home. As I said, he is a adult with adult responsibilities.

The reason I wish my parents had is because I too grew up like her shit with money, because of that I got into huge amounts of debt very young and had to enter into an iva. As an adult I've had to teach myself about money and budgeting. If my parents had taken money from me it would of taught me the value of it instead I blew the lot. I've tried to teach her but she's always been crap with money, for instance if I gave her and her db and ds £20 as kids she would go to the corner shop and blow it all but her db and ds would save £18 of it and spend the £2.

I think £200 per month is reasonable given what she's earning. Non full time education adult children have generally been expected to contribute financially to the household since time began. The other problem is that many adult children don't leave home for years now because it's too expensive to buy or rent and getting used to having a huge amount of disposable income is really not very helpful to them in the long run.

@CremeEggThief

OP, you are perfectly entitled to take money for board from an 18 year old who is in full-time work.

Anyone suggesting otherwise on this thread must have much more money than sense, and is part of the massive problem in this country and society of infantalising adult children.🙄

This!!!

I would say £200 is very very reasonable!!

She should cover the extra bills you have as a result of her living there as a minimum eg nothing towards mortgage / rent as that is fixed regardless but should definitely be covering food, lost council tax discount, etc. Would posters who think otherwise think the same if it was an adult partner who didn't want to contribute as they wanted all their earnings for themselves?

Absolutely ridiculous that people think it’s ok for the DD to be blowing £800+ per month on random crap and to have no financial responsibilities whatsoever. Will do her no favours and letting her live rent free in these circumstances amounts to spoiling her IMO and facilitating an immature and irresponsible attitude towards money. It would be different if she were only earning a small amount or it was a part time job to top up a student loan while at uni etc but she is effectively able to work full time so why should she live free of any costs? At the very least she should pay her own way for food and bills ie pay the difference that it is costing OP to have her in the house. But I also think she should pay a small nominal amount for rent. It’s not even like she’s saving for the future (don’t think a boob job counts!)