Is someone told you they lost their parents when they were “young”, how old would you assume they were?

[Restorationandredecoration]

Title says it all really. Is someone told you they lost both parents when they were young what age range would you assume? What would be the cut off above which you wouldn’t call someone young for losing their parents?

It's worse in context really, because you were just letting her know they're not around, so you were 'younger than you are now' and lost them a while ago.

I'm 40's and the vast majority of my friends have at least 1 parent alive, with most having both, so I would say under 40 is young to have lost both parents (statistically).

My Dad died when I was 19 and people frequently remark that I was young when he died. I think to lose both parents by 23 is young and quite unusual these days.

She was very very rude.

You were definitely young. I lost my dad at 13. I always say, 'I lost my dad when I was young' but in reality I was a child.

@Restorationandredecoration

I was 19 when I lost my father, 23 when I lost my mother. I am 41 now. It was just an odd reaction from her. Like I was trying to describe myself as an orphan or something.

Well they were bloody crass, then. I'm so sorry.

(Depending of course on whether or not one is the oldest child/youngest child of a few siblings, or in any case the ages of the parents at time of birth. Anyway anything under 30 is very young for the average family although I suppose that will change as many people do have children later in life these days)

Sorry if I’m derailing your thread, OP.

Its doesnt matter if you where in your 60's I still wouldn't challenge your perception of it, I'd just say I am sorry to hear of your loss and 19 & 23 is young to lose your parents.
Maybe it was a bit of a foot in mouth moment for her and she's kicking herself now, I've had a few of them, so don't want to be too harsh against her.

You were young.

She was awfully rude.

Under 30 I’d say. My friend lost his Mum at 25 and I thought that was young, his Mum was only 52.

[quote Restorationandredecoration]@grenlei sorry for your loss too. I have had dumb jokes like the “at least you husband doesn’t have an annoying MiL” but at least they are meant as humour. This woman seemed to be accusing me of fishing for sympathy on the basis of what she saw as a lie.[/quote]
God that’s really horrible. What a cow.

My mum lost her mum at her early 50s, when she hadn't even reached her teens and now that my mum is in her 70s, it's feeling more raw for her. I'm now around the age that my grandma (who i obviously never knew) died) and Ithink that's triggered some feelings. All made worse, I suspect by the fact that her dad was a a curmudgeonly git.

If it was worded that someone lost their parents when they were young I would think they meant when they were a child. She was extremely rude.

My stepdaughters were 13 and 14 when their mum died and they usually say “ she died when we were teenagers” but obv that was very young.

It totally depends how old the parent is when they die. If the parent is younger than 70 I'd say that's too soon to be dying and that the person had lost their parent young. I lost a parent in their mid 50s when I was 30, that's very young for both of us.

I have a skewed view on this as I also lost a parent when I was an older child and then spent decades navigating my feelings about it with very little emotional support so I don't have a clear view on it.

I spent years thinking that anyone who lost a parent as an adult had 'done okay' because they had experienced an adult/parent relationship before their parent had died, and I'm aware as I read this thread that my points of reference are still very, very different to the majority. I guess it's not something that I hear views on often, but it's clear that I need to recalibrate a little more .

Regardless of all of that, the woman was shockingly inappropriate and absolutely shouldn't have said that. Sorry OP.

My Mum died just before my 30th birthday, she was 68. It wasn't a surprise as she had been frail throughout my life and I'm glad she didn't have to suffer any longer.

I have a few friends who also lost parents at a similar age and they are a huge comfort. We don't often talk about it, but we all know that the others get it.

My Mum lost her mother in her teens and it affected her whole life. I feel so lucky to have got to the stage I had in comparison, but when I listen to my friends in their 40', 50's and 60's talking about their parents it hits home what I lost.

Wow! That woman was rude as hell!

I'm sorry for your two losses at such a young age, OP.

I lost my mother when I was 10 (she was 45) and I lost my father when I was 40 (he was 75).
So, I've been very young and what I would say is still relatively younger than average.

Parental loss is terrible at any age, tbh.

I would say you were young when you lost your parents.
Ignore her, you don't know what baggage she is carrying.

That is young. My children have just lost their dad and they are 28 and 31. I think that's young, too.

you don't know what baggage she is carrying

True. Because I lost a parent when I was a child, I think of that as being young to lose a parent, not being in my 20s or 30s. She may have a similar frame of reference.

She shouldn't have said that, but some people can bust out weird, uncomfortable things when death is mentioned.

For me young would be under 18. Although I'd see early as older than that, but before 25 if that makes sense.

@Restorationandredecoration

I was 19 when I lost my father, 23 when I lost my mother. I am 41 now. It was just an odd reaction from her. Like I was trying to describe myself as an orphan or something.

You were young, and they were young to go. I'm very sorry for your loss.

I'd say 30 or under. Though if someone said they were older than that when explaining I wouldnt have responded in the way she did as thats a bit of an off thing to do

Under 25

I would think before finishing university. So basically while still a dependent.