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Original poster

Is someone told you they lost their parents when they were “young”, how old would you assume they were?

266 replies

Restorationandredecoration · 14/12/2020 22:41

Title says it all really. Is someone told you they lost both parents when they were young what age range would you assume? What would be the cut off above which you wouldn’t call someone young for losing their parents?

OP posts:
Thismustbelove · 14/12/2020 23:50

If someone said it to me I'd assume they were a child or at least younger than eighteen.

But I think like that due to my own experiences and I imagine the school mum said that due to her own experiences with losing family. It is all relative. I would never have vocalised it.

A friend of mine lost her Dad when she was in her forties. Her Dad was in his eighties when he passed away. She thinks she lost him too soon. Part of this is because regardless of what age she was, it was too soon for her to lose her beloved Dad. And the other part of it is that, at 40, she was the baby of the family and she always felt 'young'.

Figgyboa · 14/12/2020 23:50

Under 20.....

ZenNudist · 14/12/2020 23:50

19 is very young to lose your dad. I'd say under 35 is young but you dont flip a switch at 36 and it's ok to lose a parent. I'm 42 now and my parents are in their 70s and I wouldn't consider myself too young if they died.

CharlotteSometimes2020 · 14/12/2020 23:51

@Restorationandredecoration I lost my Parents when I was 15 and 32. I consider that young.

It is not often i meet other parents at school that have lost both their parents. I find it really hard when you hear the children talking about going to their grandparents or even seeing grandparents picking their children up.

Elfieishere · 14/12/2020 23:51

Losing your parents ‘Young’ I would class as under 16.

ZenNudist · 14/12/2020 23:52

If I meet someone whose parent died under 60 I think its too young regardless of how old the person is.

SweetCruciferous · 14/12/2020 23:52

I suppose I might spontaneously think under 20, and would be surprised if they were older than 30 when it happened.

YourWinter · 14/12/2020 23:54

My father died when he was 73 and I was 28. I wouldn't describe myself as someone whose father died when I was young. I think a parent dying when a child is still school-age (or younger), so they are growing up without that parent, is very different. For both parents to die when a child is still school-age (or younger) means someone else bringing them up, in a parental role, and again that's a totally different situation.

SleepingStandingUp · 14/12/2020 23:58

@Restorationandredecoration

I was 19 when I lost my father, 23 when I lost my mother. I am 41 now. It was just an odd reaction from her. Like I was trying to describe myself as an orphan or something.
I'm sorry for your loss op, I think even if someone doesn't think it's young, it's bloody rude to say so.

Personally I'd assume 25 or under, maybe up to 30.

ReceptacleForTheRespectable · 15/12/2020 00:00

@MichelleScarn

Dh lost his df at 5, that's horrifically young, anything under 50 is young id say.
Seriously? So if my dad died age 80, when I was 40, I'd be losing him "young"? No. That's within fairly normal timescales.

I'd say mid 20s or younger.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/12/2020 00:03

Surely she means the parent being under 50 not the child?

feelingsomewhatlost · 15/12/2020 00:05

I lost a parent at 24 and that felt 'young' to me because they never got to see me marry/have children/buy a house/get promoted/do any of the 'next stage milestones' etc. so I suppose anything under 30?

pallisers · 15/12/2020 00:06

My youngest is 19 and my oldest is 23. they would be devastated if they lost both of us at these ages. the 23 year old is fairly launched yet still we give him support and a family and a home he knows he can always come back to. the 19 year old and the one in between are still in university.

I think 19 is young to lose a parent and 23 incredibly young to lose both.

Sorry for your loss, OP. That woman was weird.

Tierful · 15/12/2020 00:06

Our wills state that everything is to be held in trust until DC are 25. You were young and that mum was incredibly crass. Flowers

BuzzingTheBee · 15/12/2020 00:11

Op that is young, some people can be so insensitiveFlowers

Unicant · 15/12/2020 00:13

I'd think under 35. But I'd never ever say 'that's not young if someone was older than that.. what a rude insensitive thing to say! I'm sorry they were so rude to you.

NewbieManager · 15/12/2020 00:16

@Restorationandredecoration

I was 19 when I lost my father, 23 when I lost my mother. I am 41 now. It was just an odd reaction from her. Like I was trying to describe myself as an orphan or something.
@Restorationandredecoration: sorry for your loss.

This woman is an insensitive clod: I lost a parent at 28. My friends were too young to understand, but colleagues in 30s/40s were an amazing support. It’s a huge loss at any age, and you were young by any account.

What point is this woman trying to make?

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/12/2020 00:16

Sorry for your loss OP, comments like that can sting.

Whycantibetangy · 15/12/2020 00:19

@Dogsaresomucheasier

Anything from 18-30.

I would expect someone who lost a parent as an actual child to say “as a child/state an age” to give the tragedy it’s proper size.

Fucking hell dogs, “give the tragedy its proper size”. Its not a fucking competition!

My mum died when I was 10 and my dad followed not long after - not that this is top trumps but fuck me there some heartless twats on this post.

Losing a parent at any age is traumatic and each persons trauma is very very real. Not one person ever has the right to question that.

Flowers for all of us orphans young and old

DontStopThinkingAboutTomorrow · 15/12/2020 00:41

Any age from 0-45 or so really.

HerRoyalNotness · 15/12/2020 00:44

That is young. It’s also an age when you really need parents to help transition into adult hood. My father died when my younger half siblings were 17 and 14, my heart breaks for them and I can see how much, particularly my brother, needed him in those years.

Italiangreyhound · 15/12/2020 00:46

Restorationandredecoration

"I was 19 when I lost my father, 23 when I lost my mother. I am 41 now. It was just an odd reaction from her. Like I was trying to describe myself as an orphan or something."

I am so sorry for your loss and sorry that other mum said such a shitty, shitty thing.

The brain does not mature until about 25 so I believe (and think it is fairly well understood) that things that happen in childhood, and early adulthood can effect us in a different way to the affect they would if they happened later.

Both you, and presumably your parents, were younger than usually happens.

My dad was 74 and I was 39, I was very sad but he had a good life. To lose a parent when you are not long out of childhood is young.

I hope that you will avoid this women, she sounds stupid and cruel.

Hopefulhen · 15/12/2020 00:47

Under 40. I think losing your parents in your thirties is still quite young.

Italiangreyhound · 15/12/2020 00:48

One of my friends lost a gran at almost 100. She thought they went 'too soon.'

I think they had a lovely long life but I would never dream of saying anything unpleasant to my friend. Not just because she is my friend but because it's a total dick move to say that.

Nanny0gg · 15/12/2020 00:48

@Restorationandredecoration

She’s always seemed pretty normal and friendly but it was just such a conversation killer. She said that and I replied “oh right” then we both sort of looked awkward and went quiet but we’re stuck in the bloody Covid queue outside the gates so I couldn’t escape.
Well under 25 makes me young too, and I think I was.

I hope you manage to avoid her in future.

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