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Original poster

Is someone told you they lost their parents when they were “young”, how old would you assume they were?

266 replies

Restorationandredecoration · 14/12/2020 22:41

Title says it all really. Is someone told you they lost both parents when they were young what age range would you assume? What would be the cut off above which you wouldn’t call someone young for losing their parents?

OP posts:
Juanbablo · 16/12/2020 05:15

Twenties or younger. I was 15 and 29 when my parents died, I consider the former young and the latter not.

squeekums · 16/12/2020 05:21

Under 18
I was 12 when my mother died though

But I'd never say what that woman did to you OP, just rude and nasty
To you, you felt it early to lose them and you young which is completely valid

SleepyGirly · 16/12/2020 06:06

@Restorationandredecoration

I was 19 when I lost my father, 23 when I lost my mother. I am 41 now. It was just an odd reaction from her. Like I was trying to describe myself as an orphan or something.
Losing a parent at 19 and then the other at 23 is very young! That’s the very start of your adult life. That’s awful OP. I’m 24 and it’s too young. I’d say anything under 45 is young to lose a parent, especially if your parents were in their 20s when they had you.
SleepyGirly · 16/12/2020 06:13

It also depends on how old your parents were. If they’re 20 years older than you and they died when you were 40, then that’s still young!

Awomanwalksintoabar · 16/12/2020 06:23

What she said undoubtedly came over crass and insensitive. But I’m thinking about a friend of mine whose mother died without any warning when she was 8. We’re over 40 now, and it’s still very much at the front of her mind. I can imagine her saying something like this, just blurting it out. So try not to think about it too much. Everyone has life experiences that inform how they react to people in the moment.

dammit88 · 16/12/2020 06:36

Thats very young to loose both your parents, I'm sorry for your loss OP. She was rude and unkind. Maybe she was a bit shocked or didn't know what to say to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she still reacted badly.

CookPassBabtridge · 16/12/2020 07:26

You were definitely young OP, ignore her.

40somethingJBJ · 16/12/2020 07:36

I’m 42 and lost my dad 3 weeks ago and my mum 11 years ago. As I know people in their 60’s who still have parents alive, I’d say I’m still pretty young to have lost both of mine really.

hugocat · 16/12/2020 07:39

Under 25, take no notice of that woman OP. I feel for you, this must be a sad time for you, hope you have a lovely Christmas x

Original poster
Restorationandredecoration · 16/12/2020 07:40

Sorry, I only just realised this thread had kept going.

For those saying maybe she lost both her parents even younger. She didn’t. We were talking about Christmas and she was saying she was seeing her parents. She asked if I’d be seeing mine and that’s when I explained they’d died.

Anyway, I have studiously ignored her since although I think my upset is not really her fault. Her comment just made me think about how unfair I feel it is that my parents didn’t get to enjoy long lives (they were 47 and 51 when they died) and how I didn’t get to show them what I made of myself as an adult, or introduce them to my husband or my kids. During this pandemic I actually tried to convince myself I am lucky I don’t have elderly parents to worry about but really I don’t feel lucky at all.

OP posts:
FatGirlShrinking · 16/12/2020 07:46

I lost my mum when I was 21 and my dad when I was 29, I was young when they died, my mum wasn't there for my wedding, neither parent ever met my daughter.

OP I don't know what that woman was thinking when she replied like she did but you were young and it does make a difference. You may not have been orphaned as a child but you lost your parents before their time and before you got the opportunity to share your adulthood with them.

It's some of the biggest sadnesses in my life that I never got to have my mum or dad hold my baby, that my daughter will never be cuddled of loved by her grandparent, they would have been fantastic grandparents, that my mum couldn't be with me on my wedding day, that my mum never saw me move into my own house. All these experiences that people take for granted.

whatwouldyoudo85 · 16/12/2020 07:47

What a weird thing for her to say. She probably felt really stupid and awkward after saying that (as she should).

Bikingbear · 16/12/2020 07:47

Big hugs,
Your Parents weren't old at all they were both very young. It must be hard not having parents when you are a young adult and even raising kids without that family support.

Ignore what she said, she's opened her mouth before engaging brain.

SantasBritchesSpelleas · 16/12/2020 07:49

If you are under 30 when your parents die, it's likely your parents or at least your mother, died before the age of 70, which I think nowadays would be considered an early death.

Sorry for your loss, OP, and I agree with pps that this woman even asking the question was inappropriate.

Quartz2208 · 16/12/2020 07:52

They were young OP and you were young. If you lost one or both as a child then surely you would have said child.

DH lost his Mum when he was 24 - he was young it was before he was settled properly as an adult and met me had the children and she missed out on all of that.

In fairness though maybe she panicked about what to say rather than sorry and just blurted out the first thing that came to her mind. Some people dont know how to deal with death

RandomMess · 16/12/2020 07:52

I think under 25 to lose both is definitely young, you're still a fledging adult in many ways!

That was really rubbish for you and your parents were both young when they died Sad

Thanks
Yonifellover · 16/12/2020 07:52

I would agree you were young when it happened Sad

MyCrownHasFallen · 16/12/2020 07:55

25 or under.

vjg13 · 16/12/2020 07:56

She was insensitive and really odd, my Dad died when I was 22 and I felt very young. Would now probably describe it as many years ago though.

Whattimeisdinner · 16/12/2020 07:56

I was 19 when I lost my father, 23 when I lost my mother. I am 41 now.

OP, you lost both of your parents at a VERY young age.
I was coming on here to say 0-30.
The woman you spoke to is a nasty, rude, horrible person. Who the hell does she think she is.

BarkHoneyBark · 16/12/2020 08:01

I tend not to tell people unless I know them quite well. My dad died when I was 7 and my siblings were teenage. My mum died when I was late 20s. It doesn’t come up much with casual strangers because it tends to make people awkward.

OP she was probably awkward.

MyCrownHasFallen · 16/12/2020 08:02

You know what, shes a tactless idiot. Often people say stuff i inwardly disagree with or raise an eyebrow about but you learn to stay schtum.
Even if she genuinely thought 23 is not young ahe should have respected this is how you feel about it.
I bet she wish she could take it back. Just carry on as normal.
You were young as far as im concerned.

babbi · 16/12/2020 08:02

I’m. sorry for your loss OP .
You were very young to lose both parents .
That’s sad .. she sounds very insensitive.
Ignore her .

Hope you have a nice festive season. ( in so far as it’s possible this year )

marthastew · 16/12/2020 08:03

She doesn't sound very nice.

Ideasplease322 · 16/12/2020 08:05

@Restorationandredecoration

I was 19 when I lost my father, 23 when I lost my mother. I am 41 now. It was just an odd reaction from her. Like I was trying to describe myself as an orphan or something.
That is young. I am so sorry for your liss