Is someone told you they lost their parents when they were “young”, how old would you assume they were?

[Restorationandredecoration]

Title says it all really. Is someone told you they lost both parents when they were young what age range would you assume? What would be the cut off above which you wouldn’t call someone young for losing their parents?

I would think under 18 if someone just said they were young. But to lose parents at 19 and 23 is still young and I wouldn’t be such a bitch as to contradict someone that had lost their parents at that age and said ‘young’. Losing your parents at 19 and 23 is clearly not old so I think this other person was just being a cow.

Under 30

The only correct response to your statement is "oh, I'm sorry".

This ^
School gate Mum was incredibly rude and insensitive.
Even if you had lost them when you were 40, if your perception was that it was young to have lost both parents (which it would be), then the only possible response to that is to say how sorry you are and how difficult it must be.

I was actually going to say, IMO, it is more of a "Stage of life" thing. So 'young' would be before they had the chance to be at your wedding, or to meet your dc or whatever.

19 and 23 is incredibly young and I'm really sorry for your loss
My dc are 24, 22, and 19, and, although independent adults in some ways, are still at a stage of life where they look to us for support and advice. It would be incredibly difficult for any of them to come to terms with losing one of us, let alone both.

If it were U18, then I'd have expected the person to say "when I was still a child" or "in my teens" or something.

I am so sorry. Of course that is young to lose one parent, very hard to have lost both. My best friend lost both her parents by 21, similar to you OP, and it was really hard. I was too young myself to even grasp what she had gone through until we were both quite a bit older.
I am very sorry for your losses.

I'd have said under 30 - on the basis that I feel any adult who dies before retirement age has died before their time.

Sorry for your loss OP. The mum was insensitive.

18 or younger

Gawd, what a twat she is. I wouldn't be surprised if she's been kicking herself all night at saying something so stupid. I think that you were young, particularly to lose both. I really am sorry x

I would have said under 20, or maybe 25.

My oldest DC are 19 and 22, they would struggle a lot if DH and I died. That woman was being very unsympathetic.

Wow what an absolutely mannerless woman!!!

Um yes, that's young.

But even if it wasn't, can you IMAGINE replying to that remark with ANYTHING other than 'Oh I am sorry'

I'm glad you let an awkward silence develop - bloody might make her think.

What a horrible woman, ugh. Sorry she said that to you.

Under 30 is still young, as it's a lot younger than most.

Especially to lose both parents by 25, I'm so sorry OP that's awful

OP I lost both parents at similar ages to you and I would say it was young, I normally say I lost my parents in my early 20s and leave it at that. I've had some pretty callous responses over the years ('least your DH won't have any MIL problems!' was one of the more unpleasant ones). I have had others show more compassion, one person I didn't really know too well when they found out said how awfully young I was, and how well I'd done to cope with such a loss at that age. Which was very kind of them, and I was rather taken aback by.

I know people my age who still have at least 1 grandparent, yet it's over 25 years since I lost my parents. It does seem unfair, doesn't it?

Op you were definitely young. I’m really sorry you lost both your parents so young

She is a fool

I would assume under 18 to be honest. Although I would consider that if a parent was under 60 when they, that they had died young.

😮😮 how horrible was she! I hope she just didn’t think...

That was very young to lose your parents. I’m sorry, it must have been so hard. 💐

OP-I lost my mum at 22 and my dad at 24 and that felt very young to me- with zero extended family and a brother who I wasn't close to- I felt very much alone x

Talk about foot-in-mouth disease.

I'm another member of the Young Club by the way, it sucks doesn't it?

Under 30

If we say that expected life span is somewhere in the late 70s to mid 80s, then one should generally expect be around 50 to 60 (or older) when one’s parents pass away.

Late teens to early twenties is very young indeed.

Again, OP, I’m sorry.

Yep, she was rude. I would say under 30 as the assumption being the parent would be likely 60 or less also which would be young for them in these modern days when 80ish is normal

I lost my mum when I was 22. Not a child, but young and unstable in life generally and the impact it had on me ruined the rest of my 20s. I have primary aged children now and when I see young grandparents collecting children when I am at the school gate I would say yes, I lost my mum young. We did not have enough time together and nor did you

@grenlei sorry for your loss too. I have had dumb jokes like the “at least you husband doesn’t have an annoying MiL” but at least they are meant as humour. This woman seemed to be accusing me of fishing for sympathy on the basis of what she saw as a lie.

She reacted badly. And it’s so unusual to be that insensitive in this subject that I wonder if she has personal experience and is perhaps finding this time of year tough?

I lost my mum when I was four. I’m fairly certain I wouldn’t react like she did but I can see a world where someone having a particularly bad time with their own loss might react in a way they later regret, or would be out of character.

Twenties or earlier. Young enough to have not quite established an equal adults relationship.