Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is someone told you they lost their parents when they were “young”, how old would you assume they were?

266 replies

Restorationandredecoration · 14/12/2020 22:41

Title says it all really. Is someone told you they lost both parents when they were young what age range would you assume? What would be the cut off above which you wouldn’t call someone young for losing their parents?

OP posts:
Lochroy · 14/12/2020 22:49

Talk about a drip feed.

Nore · 14/12/2020 22:49

I’m really wondering what is driving you to ask this. Are you wondering whether you were a ‘young’ orphan? Or feeling that someone else is taking liberties by making the same claim when they’d lost both parents aged 35?

MyNameForToday1980 · 14/12/2020 22:50

That was a very invasive thing to ask, and insensitive thing for School Gate Mum to respond with. The only correct response to your statement is "oh, I'm sorry".

HJ40 · 14/12/2020 22:50

Well, to use your own words, you are somewhat over dramatising it in this thread.

Onceuponatimethen · 14/12/2020 22:50

Under 30 off the cuff

But what she said was horrible however old you were. I’m really sorry op Flowers

And actually now most people under 50 still have both parents living, so I wouldn’t be shocked if the person speaking was under 50 and said that was young. I would think it was fair comment.

Ingridla · 14/12/2020 22:50

It's a really rude thing for her to have said to you imo, almost delegitimising your loss. Try not to let it get to you, peoples can be so thoughtless.

jerometheturnipking · 14/12/2020 22:51

Her response was rude, but she was probably expecting you to say when you were a child/young adult up to maybe 25.

MichelleScarn · 14/12/2020 22:52

Well how old were you?

tiredqueen · 14/12/2020 22:52

I'd assume under 18 in the scenario you're talking about. That said i lost my dad when I was 26 and I guess I was young

Joolsin · 14/12/2020 22:52

Wow, she was rude. I'd say under 30 is young, under 20 is very young.

Original poster
Restorationandredecoration · 14/12/2020 22:53

I was 19 when I lost my father, 23 when I lost my mother. I am 41 now. It was just an odd reaction from her. Like I was trying to describe myself as an orphan or something.

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 14/12/2020 22:53

If someone said that they'd lost a parent when they were young I'd assume before they became an adult so under 18.

My DF died just before I was 25. He was 46. So he was young when he died but I wouldn't say that I lost him when I was young.

cushioncovers · 14/12/2020 22:53

Under 21

TheQueensGambit · 14/12/2020 22:54

What a weird reaction from the school mum op Xmas Hmm.

FWIW, I'd think anything under 20, but also wouldn't say "that isn't young", no matter what. You felt it was young.

I lost my mum just after I turned 30. I felt like it was young to be without a mum and also young for her to die, as she was in her fifties. I probably wouldn't phrase it as "when I was young", because it only happened a few years ago. But when I'm 50, I might phrase it that way.

MichelleScarn · 14/12/2020 22:54

Sorry I was a bit prickly there, but there's been too many odd posts recently that come across as fishing!

Nore · 14/12/2020 22:54

I think that’s young. I’m sorry for your losses, OP. And what she said was incredibly rude.

MichelleScarn · 14/12/2020 22:55

And at those ages you were bloody young. What an absolute twat she was!!

Letsplough · 14/12/2020 22:55

That is young in my option and she was bloody rude.

CountFosco · 14/12/2020 22:55

anything under 50 is young id say

Really? FIL would have been 89 when DH turns 50 soon, that's hardly a young age (89) to die or indeed to lose your parent (50). In fact we are starting to hear about contemporaries dying whereas my parent's generation are all at the 'good innings' age.

I think if you are still financially dependent on your parents then you are 'young' when they die so into your 20s is young but by 30 most people are completely independent and so the loss of a parent does not have the same kind of impact.

BogRollBOGOF · 14/12/2020 22:56

40 for both parents.

30 for one parent.

I lost my dad in childhood. In some ways DB felt it harder at 19 in early adulthood. It wasn't the easiest relationship in the teen years and it was improving but hadn't reached a true relationship of adulthood. Losing parents in the younger years of adulthood can be very difficult to adjust to and less recognised than the more obvious toll of losing parents in childhood.

MRC20 · 14/12/2020 22:56

I'd say 19 and 23 is definitely young to lose parents. She's a rude cow xx

Natsel84 · 14/12/2020 22:56

I'm sorry that you lost your parents so young OP.

I lost my dad in October, I'm in my 30's my brother is 10 years younger than me . I keep saying to people my poor brother is so young to lose his dad. But then everyone turns around and says well so are you . So I would say anyone under 40 .

MeanMrMustardSeed · 14/12/2020 22:56

I don’t think it’s a drip feed at all. The OP wanted answers to her straight forward question. The reason she’s asking shouldn’t inform anyone’s answer.

I think the mum was very rude. Both to ask and then to respond in that way.

I would have said I would assume under 25 if someone said that to me, but I lost a parent at 40 and it feels slightly young to me!

flakdh · 14/12/2020 22:56

My immediate impression would be "under 30", however if the person then said they were 38 or 45 I wouldn't say " oh that's not young" - it is still young to have lost both parents.

Most people I've met who lost their parents as children usually say "when I was a child" not "when I was young".

I can see how it might be misconstrued, but it's still unnecessary to respond the way this person did to you.

ExclamationPerfume · 14/12/2020 22:57

Under 18 I would say.