Is someone told you they lost their parents when they were “young”, how old would you assume they were?

[Restorationandredecoration]

Title says it all really. Is someone told you they lost both parents when they were young what age range would you assume? What would be the cut off above which you wouldn’t call someone young for losing their parents?

I think you were young when you lost your parents. What an idiotic thing for her to say. I lost my dad this year when I was 22 and I would tell someone to piss off if they said something like that.

OP, I was a little older then you, 23 when my mum died and 31 when my dad died - but it was nearly 30 years before friends began to lose their parents, so I was young and you were too.

If you are young enough to have primary aged children and you have lost both your parents then I'd say you lost them when you were young. Either you were early 20s or younger (very young for both parents to have died) OR, you were mid 20s plus and it's very recent.
In either case she had no business minimising your loss.
But people sometimes say stupid things when they are shocked, she may be kicking herself now.

She was being very weird OP. Perhaps she had 'child orphan' in mind for reasons of her own.

You were young, of course you were. What was she at 23? Middle aged?

I was no more than 2. So no recollection of either parent, so I cannot be upset - However, school Mum was incredibly insensitive. When anyone mentions that they don't have parents, you should just say "I'm sorry" and leave it at that..

Sorry for your loss and being brusque in my earlier reply.

I would agree that is young and much younger than that would be more normally described as losing them as a child.

You'd have to be heartless to try and suggest losing both parents by the age of 23 isn't young. It's life changing to lose your parents at that age.

Under 30.

20s and below

You were young and the mum is a cow. Avoid her, she's shown you that she's nasty!

I think under 30 is young to lose both parents, so 23 is definitely young. I would say people of that age are often depending on parents to provide a home, offer emotional support, help out with finances etc. I'd think you could at least expect them to provide moral support.

I've got a 20 year old and a 16 year old and I think to lose both me and their father in the next three years would be a real blow to them, even though they're pretty independent for their age.

The woman was extremely rude.

You were definitely young.

@Restorationandredecoration

I was 19 when I lost my father, 23 when I lost my mother. I am 41 now. It was just an odd reaction from her. Like I was trying to describe myself as an orphan or something.

I’d assume you meant under 18 if you said young. DH lost his DD when he was 25 and he felt terribly young but he had a job, a home, and wasn’t emotionally reliant on his parents as much. He was also fully grown up. His DC lost his dad when he was 13 and it was totally different - some part of his emotional development was stunted as a result of it. He found it really difficult to trust and build new relationships and withdrew totally for years. Then he turned 30 and things finally turned around for him - but it took years of strugglez

That is young! She was very rude and insensitive.

She was a bit rude!
For me 'too young' really means under-18 as, in my experience, my friends my own age who 'lost their parents young' were all under 18.
Those parents were far too young as well. All from cancer in the 1980s.

Under 45.

I’ve got a cousin who lost both parents by the age of 35. It felt like life had been really cruel for him if I’m honest.

I’m sorry for your loss OP. People often say stupid things when confronted with the lost of other people’s parents.

Agree that she may have expressed herself clumsily due to not knowing what to say.

But regardless you don't have to justify yourself to her or to anyone else when you reference personal grief.

I'm sorry for your losses op and I'm also sorry that you now are feeling stymied about expressing your experience of grief when you really shouldn't. Plus fwiw yes to my mind you were young. xxx

She’s always seemed pretty normal and friendly but it was just such a conversation killer. She said that and I replied “oh right” then we both sort of looked awkward and went quiet but we’re stuck in the bloody Covid queue outside the gates so I couldn’t escape.

What a horrible woman. That is very young to lose both your parents and be adrift in the world.

I'm very sorry she was so dismissive

You were definitely young barely an adult when you lost your second parent.

My dad died when I was 27 and my mum when I was 43. I still consider that young to lose both parents. Most people I know my age but one or both of their parents still alive who are c. 70.

I would have said 20 and under, your ages of 19 and 23 definitely count as young to lose both your parents. However, regardless of what anyone’s opinion of what “young to lose parents” is, she was very rude to have replied that. Tbh she was rude to have asked the age in the first place! When you said I lost my parents young, all she had to say was sorry to hear that.

@Restorationandredecoration

She’s always seemed pretty normal and friendly but it was just such a conversation killer. She said that and I replied “oh right” then we both sort of looked awkward and went quiet but we’re stuck in the bloody Covid queue outside the gates so I couldn’t escape.

Ugh, she sounds like a dick. Even if she was right, (which she isn't), that is an awful thing for her to have said. Maybe she just puts her foot in her mouth.

Under 18 would be young to lose a parent, but to lose both at that age is so unfair, I am sorry
Can't believe some people think losing a parent in your 40s/50s is young though.

Under 30. I'm sorry for your loss. She's a twat