I wondered about you op and whether she had apologised or said anything.
Sadly some people have no ability for empathy because they haven't been there. I was friendly with some of my sons friends mum and told them on a meet up that dh's dad had died. Not only did none of them offer condolences to him they didnt even say much to me. I suddenly realised that all 4 of them were older than me, some into their 50s and all had both sets of parents and see them all the time. I also realised they weren't true friends but that's another story!
Fil death hit me very hard, despite my not having a great deal of time for him (long back story) but seeing his 20ish year old half sister at his funeral speaking about her dad transplanted me back to my similar age when my dad died. I realise now I had suppressed my feeling for nearly 20 years. At the time I'd started my NHS degree and had pushed it all away.
The time a patient reminded me of dad and I cried at work a colleague was fairly sympathetic until she asked when he died, it was 2 years on and she said "oh I thought you wrte going to say last week!" Really dismissively, like I shouldn't be making a fuss, she had no idea and shes a lovely girl, I'm sure she didnt realise how insensitive she was but I've never forgotten it. Funnily enough the colleague who did comfort me had lost her mum young too. Two years was nothing in the whole scheme of things and he was the first patient I encountered with pancreatic cancer since qualifying. He died a few hours after I saw him.
Another hobby colleague withered on about one of our colleagues children being strong for their mother when their dad died. They were just teens. She was in her late 50s when they died and took quite a time off work bereaved. She knew how it felt then I'm sure but she was the type not to have remembered what she said years before and I wouldn't be as crass as to say anything anyway.
I really sympathise for you op as not only did you go through that heartbreak twice and young their deaths were so close together that I doubt you had your head around one loss before the next happened.
It can take years for grief like that to come out as I have found recently. And as you know it changes over time. I cried for dad today watching the Royle family Christmas special where Jim tells Denise she'll be a great mum and how he'd have done anything for her once she was born. My dad has missed out on 5 dgc now, his children growing up into self sufficient adults and much much more xxx