Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

I went to state school but many people I know went private.

Of fifteen people two are in good jobs - pharmacy and investment banking, the rest are a combination of drugs/alcohol addicts with cycles of rehab) who do work but not stable jobs and entitled individuals who think the world owes them a living and are always quitting jobs because of tenuous reasons (usually because they don't like being told what to do!).

There is one woman who married very 'well' and doesn't work - but does charity and does that well.

Based on these people I know I'd never waste money on school fees!

What swings it for my children is the class sizes. As my seven year old said 'there was no point my hand up at my old school, no one ever came'.

I'd say it largely depends on quality of private and state schools available in the area. We'll send our (only) DC to private because it is by far the best in the area we live in and our choice is to invest in her education and give her the best tools we can to create life for herself. However, if state schools were anywhere close in quality to the private school in our area - we'd be considering them for sure. Both DH and my parents invested in our education rather than a deposit but we've found that advantages and experiences that has given us was more valuable to us than a property - ironically it made us more resilient to crisis (though I know this is not necessarily the norm) and more confident work-wise.

House deposit all the way (or Uni costs).

This is purely anecdotal. I have a colleague who went to a very privileged school and got into a top university. I was poorly educated (multiple schools, lots of lost time, etc.), went to a nobody university. We both worked hard to get into the same job. You never know what your child is going to make of their circumstances. The difference between college and I inheritance. I won't have any (I'm doing just fine!) and colleague has (one parent died already) and will have an outrageous inheritance. With that money my colleague is able to keep a long line of privilege in tact.

House deposit!!!
Private school is no guarantee of a good career/ending up with lots of money. All of the richest people I know personally never went to private school. Didn’t go to uni either.

In my view, bright kids will do well anywhere (ok well maybe not deprived schools, but average upwards). My sister couldn’t have done better academically, genuinely, and we went to the local comprehensive. I think the ‘benefit’ of private is the social links, however I personally don’t view the elitism and nepotism as a draw. For context, both my parents were privately educated, (mum on a scholarship from poor family, dad’s parents paid) and they did not think it was worth it for us. My husband went to a comp in the grim north if you can bloody believe it and he’s actually financially successful too 😲

*were more valuable...

House deposit.

I'm a former teacher and worked in the private sector for half my career, state the rest.

IME a good state school is just as good as a mediocre public school.
Unless your child is Oxbridge material and the school is exceptionally good at placing them there, I don't see the benefits.

I have known children (now adults) who went to private schools- a couple of good ones- and they have done no better (and indeed worse) than my own (adult) DCs who went to local comps (albeit good ones) supplemented with a bit of A level tutoring and went to top 10 Russell group unis.

A lot depends on your child's ability. A child who is struggling may get a grade or two higher with the small classes and attention in a private school. but it may not be enough to massively increase their life chances in higher ed and work.

Likewise, a very bright child will do okay almost anywhere and you can pick up any slack in poor teaching with a tutor .

The private school might help. A 250k deposit will help, no doubt, it's a massive massive leg up in life. Moreover, it's money you can access when the chips are down, or you can invest in the mean time! My brother has done the deposit thing for his kids. Let's face it, when you have a roof over your head that is guaranteed, that gives you the freedom to make more daring career decisions...you can intern to get a job in something competitive, you can live centrally, you could rent it out to fund travel, you could choose to have a non working parent and raise children... it's a very flexible gift.

I’ve never regretted sending mine to private school and it had been the best use of our money. We are one of the least well off families and can only afford it due to a fee reduction.

My oldest dc(15) has SEN and his school are amazing. I’ve taught in state schools and the SEN provision was also excellent but much more stretched.
My dc benefit from smaller class sizes and huge grounds with lots of faculties. They may have got the same grades at a state school but it’s not all about grades as their overall experience and opportunities have been brilliant.

One thing to factor in IMO is the sixth form culture at state schools. That’s where the university grades are made. My comprehensive school wasn’t bad overall ... but the sixth form was crap. It was newly established. The teaching was poor, study resources/areas very poor, most students only put in minimal hours work. I could / should have done a lot better than I did grade wise at A-Level. Though ironically had I ended up on a better university/different university I doubt I’d be earning what I am now.

Finally, many private schools are better than private but that is not always the case. Private schools will of course claim that they shit gold nuggets - that’s because they are there fundamentally to make money and they need to advertise. For a private school to be worth its salt I’d expect it to be getting MUCH better Alevel results than the local state school, given the discrepancy in the intake.

If the private school gets 5% to Oxbridge, while the state school gets 3%, you could easily argue that the state school has better teachers/resources, given the discrepancy in intake.

Round here the private schools are a range, just like the state ones, but there absolutely are privates that are focused on the well-being of the child rather than solely on academic results. I work in one. We get good results but we have a nurse on site and are small so we attract a fair few DC with medical and SEN needs. The access to sport and the outdoors is also a consideration if you have a hyper DC.

I think it is a false dichotomy because one is coming out of regular spending and one is long term saving. I did the numbers when we made the decision to use a private for our DC and moving house to get better access to good state schools would have been cheaper, but only by about year 5 (this was a decision we had to make when DC was about 2, as her school only guarantees to take DC in reception if they attend the pre school year).

There is nothing wrong with the state primaries here, apart from needing to live practically on the doorstep to get in. And I don't think a high functioning DC with ADHD and ASD would have been top of their priority list for support, understandably.

If you have a decent state school on the doorstep, rejoice!

Private school would be the choice for me. My husband went and now my DC do. Their school is worth every penny for us. All schools are not equal though and that goes for state and private. Equally all children are different and what is best for one is not best for another.
For us the career or salary they have at the end isn’t the end goal. It’s the experiences they get and the opportunities to try so many different activities in a supportive and nurturing environment.
Disclaimer: we are in a fortunate position that we haven’t had to compromise on home owning/holidays etc. That made our decision easier. I cannot say what our decision would have been in different circumstances.

Also, I am speaking as someone who went to a good northern comp and then onto Oxford without any private tutoring. Admittedly I was lucky to have some excellent teachers at that comp, for which I am forever grateful. I would however be researching and asking lots of questions about supportive state schools.

I want my child to work for what they achieve. So gifting a significant house deposit is a no for me. I feel we can help her along on the way by choosing the right school, to us that was a private school, with lots of open spaces and outdoor activities, and an ethos of kind and confident teaching.

Considering what has happened to my DS education this last year I’d go for private education.

The focus on grades and university destinations misses the point of the other benefits of private school.
I am a teacher with dc at selective schools so obviously I care about grades, but there is SO much more to school than the academic side.

There are 2 different aspects, one is the ultimate outcome educationally, which may or may not be 'worth it' and may he equalled in a state school, but the other is the experience at the time. The house / pastoral system at my school and all the extra events, opportunities, groups, clubs are amazing. Many kids are on site until 5 or later, whereas the local state schools all end at or before 3pm. There's so much potential time for supervised study, DofE, extra sport, hobbies run by outsourced clubs if need be that just doesn't happen. Again I know it's mostly financial and workload related but that's not the issue here. What most most private schools offer outside the classroom is to me, unrivalled and hard to replicate.

We went for private school. Local good state schools were massively oversubscribed. DC would have had to get on two buses to go to a really rough school that then got closed down. No way. I wouldn't choose private education for its own sake - there just happened to be a private school nearby that was absolutely right for them. They were both very very happy there, did well there and made great friends. DS2 is autistic and made not a single friend at state primary. His private school friends are friends for life. They did a mass intervention when they heard he was unhappy at uni.

My point is, not that private is better than state (that would be an idiotic assumption) but that the right school in their formative years is crucial to their wellbeing. I'd rather have an adult child renting in their thirties than suffering the after effects of bullying and bad education, which can happen at any school, state or private. In our case, ti was private. DS has had a very tough time at uni recently and his resilience and self coping mechanisms are all down to the way he was lovingly educated by his school.

The issue with this question OP is there’s no ‘one size fits all’ answer. It’s very dependant on the child.

If you have a very bright child who is highly driven to achieve they’ll achieve in most educational settings but yes; a private education is likely to see them be more successful and achieve higher than an normal local comp. They will have access to resources, staff ratios and facilities that state schools will simply never be able to provide. Doors will be opened for them in life. Worth sending them.

If you have a child who is averagely academic and averagely driven then private school will try to push them in a way local comps won’t. I can say from experience that your average local comp does not have the time/resources to try to force B students into A/A* territory. B is perfectly good and they’ll let generally them stagnate there. However, lots of B students really hate being pushed by private schools and it can make an unpleasant experience. Might be worth sending them but probably not. (I know a few like this and their parents paid £100k for them to now be teachers and physiotherapists pointless).

If your child is not academic and not driven then there’s ZERO point sending them to a traditional private school. The school won’t want their crap grades dragging them down and are likely to find a reason to shunt them out before exams anyway. It’s not fun for the child who will always be made to feel lazy/sub par. (Some private schools specialise in things like learning delays and are super supportive environments...but I’m talking about traditional private schools) Not worth sending!

Also if your local state school happens to be outstanding I wouldn’t send any category of child private!

My local comp was shit. Awful, in special measures. I had no idea as I was a child. I was super bright and my primary school suggested my parents (very low income) submit me for a full scholarship to the local private school (my best friend at the time was going too as her parents were wealthy). My parents declined on the basis that my younger brother was really not academic and would definitely not be considered for a scholarship. They didn’t think it was fair for me to get something he didn’t. I got awfully bullied at the local comp for being clever and had to move school twice through secondary.
My brother fitted in fine and never had an issue. I still really resent my parents for making that choice. I was held back to not make my brother feel bad.

To me it's a gamble, private doesn't guarantee your child will go on to "better things" they may struggle, rebel, reject it entirely or go on to do something they'd have managed just fine at a state school. A house deposit is a dead cert, some of it could be used for additional qualifications, only time I'd consider it is if the state schools were awful and we couldn't move.

I understand families using private schools if they are wealthy enough they dont have to compromise on anything else, but if there is any kind of sacrifice or better way to spend that money, it'll be a gamble.

@Lily193

JanieBP Almost everyone is our social circle is earning those kind of salaries - most were privately educated and were earning six figures in their twenties. Very few of them live in london - we don't.

You seem to live in a very elitist bubble. DD went to a state comprehensive. We paid for a tutor for a couple of months to get her maths GSCE grade up to an A. She then achieved mostly A and A at GCSE and AAA at A level and is now at an RG University where she finished her first year with a high first.

IMO she wouldn't have done better at private school. And now we can afford to support her through university.

I was stare educated. I have very good GCSE and A level grades and a 1st class degree from a top university. I have actually chosen to work in a relatively low paid public sector job but I’m very happy. I have just brought a large house with DP in the SE in a lovely area.
Success is not determined by wealth and nor is happiness.