Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

Hmm... make sure you are properly comparing the two scenarios. For example, if you didn’t do private school, would you REALLY save every penny of that for your DCs? You wouldn’t be tempted to go on holiday or have a nicer lifestyle yourself and put away only a half or a third of that? So maybe the proper comparison is not private school or enormous house deposit it’s private school or annual foreign holiday and medium house deposit.

Secondly, even though 250k sounds enormous, you’re factoring inflation for the school fees but not for houses. With growth of just 2% p.a (and it’s often a lot more in housing market) that 250k in 20 years is only worth about 165k in today’s money. Still a lot!

Finally, there are a few factors to take into your account for your DC. One is earning power - will a private education mean better a levels, better degree, more high earning job? This has been discussed above but you could look at the stats.

Second, is there a happiness during childhood point for your DC? Our local secondary comp is notoriously overcrowded with worrying ofsted reports. But if you think your DC might prefer state, it might come down the other way.

Also compare facilities and clubs/sports: these are often (not always!) better in a private school. As a pp says you can top up a state education with extracurriculars but these can be expensive and may require your time to research and to transport your DC to on weekends or evenings which is your valuable time.

So... lots of factors to consider!

Also how have you found a private school that is 60k for the full 7 years? Is that assuming a huge bursary?
Wouldn’t even a cheap - average private secondary be minimum 15k a year .. so with increases something like 115k for the cheap option?

I went to private school from age 8, ended up going to an old poly uni but got a 2:1, now have a good job earning £30k but could have got into it without a degree back when I started or could now through an apprenticeship. My DB also went private, he works part time teaching English abroad after going to a better uni but doing nothing with his degree.

Moral of the story, private automatically doesn't equal high flying adults, connections into top jobs etc.

Our local secondary is ok, we considered private but decided we couldn't really afford it ( I was on assisted places/RAF funded fees & hated not being as well off as my peers, not going on the ski trips etc and didn't want DD to feel the same) So we're going down the tutors route if needed.

I think it depends on the child too, I wouldn't have done as well academically if I'd gone to a state school because I messed around/didn't pay attention etc so strict teachers, smaller classes etc helped. If you have a bright, hard working child hopefully they'll do well anywhere (need to wait & see if that's DD).

We'll consider private for GCSEs or A levels if we think it's worthwhile, by then we'll be mortgage free so hopefully have more disposable income

I think it depends on the child. Some would benefit a lot from smaller class sizes, some might not need it, some might not fit in. I think you need to think about what is best for your individual child.
We feel that tutors are the way to go if needed, plus our state school is small and there are grammar schools here. Being a few minutes away from school and feeling relaxed in the environment is most important for me but i probably cant afford private fees without losing a lot of work life balance.. if i could afford it I’m not sure what I’d choose.. there are some really not great state secondaries and its one of the reasons we moved here! :-)

I think people need to remember private school or state school changes your child. What is the culture you want your child to be brought up in.

I went to both. The culture in private school is genuinely elitist. One of the worst things was and remains how the other pupils talked/talk about people who go to comprehensives, are poorer etc.

You have to be happy to expose your children to financial comparison day in day out.

What has come out about Durham University this year is simply private school culture. It has to be like that - if it weren't an elite product they would go bust. Educationally they don't stack up.

As a teen I had a big group of friends half public school half not. You absolutely wouldn't know who had gone where from earnings or happiness. Accents might be a give away and a slight sense of entitlement from a couple of the public school ones!

Hi OP ...I never had any money so to speak of but I did have a child who went to a private school and a RS university! Firstly can i say I didnt plan for education it happened by accident. I had a child who was getting left behind in mainstreaam school,who was bored and under achieving and had often finished his work by the time the teacher had handed out the rest of the work to the class! It was rubbish so private we went! We did 11 to 18 in private school then my son toddled off to uni.Not to brag but he did amazing and for every sleepless night we had about paying if was worth every penny! His career he has now I believe is and would be dependant on his schooling and uiniversity, A note of caution for you though private school does not suit every child,it depends on many factors if your cchild would settle there and over the years we saw a few kids for whom it just didnt suit and they were happier and more fulfilled elsewhere, It cost me 84 k for 7 years way back 2002!!! Then we were very lucky as the uni fees were capped at 3k a year so that bit was a doddle! Things are so different now but my son is 30 and education was the only way to go for us to help him and one thing I am sure of he would not be the man he is today without it, It doesnt have to be all or nothing there are other options to join at a later stage like we did at 11 yrs...

@Lily193 - earring £250k/year (£150k net), puts you in the top 2% of household incomes (I’m assuming 1 income). Approx 7% of children are privately educated, meaning that less than 30% earn That sort of money assuming that ONLY privately educated kids have high earning potential. If you assume that the 2% figure is made up of half privately educated kids, then you are down to 15%. Almost no-one I know (I don’t live in London, but almost all of my social circle is made up of privately educated people) earns anything like that amount of money, and those that do were mostly State educated overseas.

I would probably do 100-150k house deposit and rest on just extra schooling ( clubs/tutors etc)

l went to both. The culture in private school is genuinely elitist. One of the worst things was and remains how the other pupils talked/talk about people who go to comprehensives, are poorer etc.

This! Some of the shite so heard my Eton educated relative say was appalling. He called me a pleb several times. He also now struggles fitting in with people that aren't publicl school educated.

I think you'd be far better off the leaving the UK and moving somewhere where your DCs will have a better start in life than investing in a future here for the next 20 years or so.

If you decide to go with the house deposit I would keep it to yourself as for some people having things come easily robs them of motivation to strive. It can also bring problems to their relationship “my partner has £250k to put into a house but I only have 10....”.

Might be better to do something more subtle like when they start saving for a house (at the right time for them) offer to match what they save. Or offer to have them home rent free while they save. Or simply save the money yourself knowing that if they ever need your financial support you can be there for them.

One thing to unpick is what the purpose of the private school is. Is it to generate high earners and if the pupils don’t become high earners it’s a waste of time? Or is it to provide a different kind of school experience and if that is right for your kids and they enjoy it that is enough. If you feel you need “results” they are never guaranteed.

One thing that sometimes comes up on discussions of private schools is that kids who go to private school but only because their parents prioritise it can feel aware that they can’t keep up with the lifestyles of a lot of the other kids and maybe would be better to be at state school and financially comfortable.

House deposit will help more I think.

I would go with saving for their future. I am a firm believer that regardless of whether a child goes to private or state school if they have the ability they will achieve well regardless. If they are lazy they won't even if they are at a private school with all that comes offered with it!
My ds goes to a state school (it's not the best and has lots of children attend from areas of high social deprivation) he is still given the opportunity to go on trips to help his studies (New York, Belgium etc) but the children are expected to help fundraise towards costs to help subsidise which I think makes them appreciate it more. He has also just done his year 10 assessments and his grades are as good if not better than I would expect him to get at private school as he is motivated to learn.
I used to work as a nanny and the children were private school educated, unfortunately only 1 of the 3 of them have any sort of work ethic or ambition the other 2 rely on parents for handouts as this is what they have seen from their school friends growing up (1 child used to have a pocket money of £100 per week at 13 years old)

But bobs are everywhere it’s luck of the draw.
It depends on your children op.
There’s good and bad for both.

I know lots of people who went to private & agree many can't afford to do to the same for their dc without help so from a purely financially successful point of view I'm not sure it's worth it although there are other benefits.

Nobs!

House deposit. I actually think it’s a huge burden to place on a child unless you can easily afford to send them.

Depends on the child and the school, really. It would have to be an amazing private school for me to think it was worthwhile or alternatively the state provision would have to be dreadful. Having said that my cousin has ADHD and autism and my aunt paid a lot of money for her schooling - she had a dedicated team there are it kept her on the straight and narrow. She now has a successful IT career - not earning mega bucks but a nice, solid career and a good path in life. Who knows what would have happened if she followed her brothers to the large local state school? No crystal ball so she may have been fine or even done better but my aunt is convinced the private school was worth the small fortune it cost.

But I have known a lot of people who chose private and a lot who chose state and I don't know a single person who saved the equivalent of a year's fees each year for their child's future house. Would you really do that if you went state for secondary? Look up the local fees and put it in a savings account?

@gongy

I know lots of people who went to private & agree many can't afford to do to the same for their dc without help so from a purely financially successful point of view I'm not sure it's worth it although there are other benefits.

DP earns around 100k off the back of a private school education, including boarding from 7. It was a wonderful education but we can not replicate this for our kids. He was an only and the cost of living/schooling costs were nothing like they are now.

JanieBP Almost everyone is our social circle is earning those kind of salaries - most were privately educated and were earning six figures in their twenties. Very few of them live in london - we don't.

We went for private school. No regrets. It really, really depends on the private school though. I wouldn’t pay for an exam mill, or a bog standard school. Ours is truly exceptional in it’s inclusivity, special needs support, caring ethos and (!) results, worth every penny and just so much better than any other school I’ve ever seen.
So, for the right school its a non brainer if you can afford it.

A £250k house "deposit" round here would buy you a 4 bed detached house with a big garden in the catchment area of an outstanding school. You could have an amazing quality of life without the pressure to work full time or absolutely cane it as a wage slave. Obviously that's assuming the money keeps pace with inflation and / or house price rises. So if I truly had the discipline to save up that much for my child then I'd do that.

Although round here even the most amazing private schools are about £15k a year I think so maybe you just need to move as a family and your kids can have both a house deposit AND private education

Boarding school from seven is shown to cause emotional problems for many.

Another factor to consider is that most private schools do not have the resources or expertise to support students with special needs./dyslexia etc or are keen to deal with them.

One of the reasons why they get amazing results is that they let go of under achieving students at every level change.

My other issue with private education is role models... I found that boys would be in an environment where men are ambitious and successful individuals but girls would mostly see women being SAHMs.

But again it all depends on the school and the child.