Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

Though two of the 8 schools 'overrepresented' at Oxbridge in the link you've included are state schools Pinkroses87 it's not simply a private vs state issue.

I’ve said from the start that I think there will be a long term shift away from private schools rather than immediate

I disagree.

Some state schools are in a bad way. Provisions for children with additional needs are shocking in some areas - even with kids with dyslexia. A lot of state schools are woefully over subscribed.

I see more people removing their kids from state school for private. Owners of small businesses opting to take the hit because their nearest state school isn’t doing what it should be.

Private school parents are not all millionaires and have afternoon tea with the queen - there are a hell of a lot of ‘normal’ people that are prepared to shell out if they can afford it for many reasons. Plus private schools are moving to split the fees from upfront to spreading them out over the entire year on a monthly basis - again, making more accessible.

Private schools are not going anywhere - especially when some state schools are so dire.

I also reckon there will be more and more pressure on oxbridge colleges to reduce the number of private school undergraduates, so a private education could def be a disadvantage there

That would never happen. The colleges need the high grades to attract new starters. Unless the government start building more schools and ploughing money in to more teachers and resources the status quo will never change.

As for a shift away from Private education as mentioned earlier at my DD school they have had to add another class in Y7 due to popularity for the first time in 25 years.
I think in some cases parents compared State and Private Covid responses and decided that Private was a better option
And while I know some state schools both Primary and Secondary did a good job of remote learning etc comparing what DD was getting to 3 local comprehensive schools here where her friends were made me realise that other State schools weren’t doing so well or at all in fact.
DS was always joining his sister there in Y7 and his place had been reserved for ages but from last May/June there was a huge surge in applications

I went to private school from 7-18, boarded at prep followed by a big name public school. I also inherited enough money to buy a house.

The house and financial security have been far more beneficial to my life and happiness than my education. I will never send my dc away to board.

I was initially rather apprehensive about sending the dc to the local primary school, but thought we'd see how they got on there - with a backup plan of paying for private if they didn't thrive. However both dc are blossoming in state education, they are happy and Dd is starting at a local secondary next year.

Being mortgage free means we can easily afford for me to be a sahm, not paying for private education means the dc have very healthy savings accounts, we have the financial freedom to go on nice holidays, eat out, etc (when covid is over).

We do pay for extracurricular activities such as swimming, sports that would be included in the school fees at private but it comes nowhere near the cost of school fees.

@Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow

We have gone the latter option and tutors of need be. We are in scotland and education is NOT good under the current system so I am worried but on balance our kids are doing ok.

Despite being totally off track and many pages ago, as a teacher in Scotland can I honestly just tell you how totally out of line your comment is. Thanks so much for the morale boost at this point in the term. If you think you can do better than take your kids out and go for it. Sorry for not being good enough for your precious darlings.

Private schools do not do any better in than some state schools, save the money for a deposit.

@BethlehemIsInTier1

Private schools do not do any better in than some state schools, save the money for a deposit.

They do in my county and the two neighbouring counties. Perhaps not everywhere. And there are a lot of non selective cheaper privates thst have their place but probably aren't aiming for a high percentage of A* at A level.

Our local Private school (non selective) is only bettered in their GCSE results by 2 Grammar’s and they slightly out perform the 3rd Grammar.
Local comprehensives don’t even come close

Is it just this thread, or are most contributors on MN absolutely up themselves ?

@Tyke2 how so?

The house ...definitely
I did send my dd to private school for two years as she was getting bullied at school.
It cost about £10k , maybe a bit more with uniforms and other sundries
Worth it fo the peace of mind it gave us

But that was from ages 13 and a half to 16 for gcse

She went back to state education for A levels

None of the rest of the family suffered as a result and we had a nice house in a nice area and foreign holidays every year.

Do I think my sons would have benefitted from a private education. Hard to say. The obvious answer is yes but would it?
My sons weren’t motivated at all. One would’ve found the most mischievous boy in his class and would’ve n
Been best mates with jim and the other was gifted but lazy and now at nearly 40 is pulling out all the stops in a nursing career.

I honestly don’t think denying the whole household the extra money and comfort would’ve served anyone’s best interests

Oh and my dd went to private school 30 years ago..bloody hell, I can’t believe I wrote that!

Oh and as she tried state and private school and uni herself
My dd went for the option of home edding her own children.

Where we live (fairly wealthy rural area) most of the middle class children start out at same local preschool. Some then head straight to prep, the others to rural primary. Some then leave for private / grammar at 11 (or up from prep at 13) and the others go to the comp in the nearest town. Broadly speaking they all end up at the same Uni’s. Of course there is the odd anomaly, but generally they all do end up as nice, well spoken, well educated people pursuing interesting careers. You get the occasional Oxbridge superstar from the comp and the occasional druggy drop out from the private, but most of them meet up again at Uni and rekindle the friendships forged at preschool. Along the way they have all suffered the same teenage angst, mental health problems, bullying and family issues. If you are not seriously wealthy OP then consider this anecdote perhaps - I have a friend with older children than mine, in their twenties. They did primary and then private, and their kids went to uni. She feels that they should have looked at other options for secondary as they now can’t help the eldest with her wedding or buying first house which they would love to do, and their eldest is a teacher in a state school so can’t afford much on her own. Regret would be the wrong word to use as I think no one regrets the childhood they chose for their children unless it goes very wrong, that would be like rewriting those previous memories we all have, but she wouldn’t make the same choice again and they are struggling to help with Uni top ups for the younger children which they would like to do. I think the marketing gloss of the private sector convinces some parents on the edge of being able to afford it to take financial risks that put them in a very precarious position, and the way I look at it my support for my children isn’t going to stop at 18, I know I will want to do what I can throughout their lives and for my grandchildren too. My husband and I were privately educated but have been, for the most part, delighted with our local state schools and then being able to afford lots of educational adventures and one-2-one support for our children when they have needed it. Good luck with your decision.

Precious memories not previous! Darned phone typo’s..

Good post, flourandeggs

I think the marketing gloss of the private sector convinces some parents on the edge of being able to afford it to take financial risks that put them in a very precarious position

I think this is very true. I would add that once parents are caught up in the private system, they become part of this marketing engine. I've observed a lot of mutual justification going on between parents who have opted for independents, because having made that financial sacrifice it becomes imperative to believe that it has been worthwhile.

I honestly don’t think denying the whole household the extra money and comfort would’ve served anyone’s best interests

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

@BethlehemIsInTier1

Private schools do not do any better in than some state schools, save the money for a deposit.

It’s interesting the debate on private schools. They seem to pop up often on MN. Is it about spending thousands of pounds and your children “doing well” because if that is what the conclusion is I would be picking the house any day.

I would be interested to read a thread of what jobs and careers people had who went to private school.

@Hoppinggreen

Our local Private school (non selective) is only bettered in their GCSE results by 2 Grammar’s and they slightly out perform the 3rd Grammar. Local comprehensives don’t even come close

Well that is probably entirely obvious because of selection and affluence. Local comprehensives probably do come close or outperform if you consider 'value added' and outcomes for all ability and social groups. Nationally, comprehensive systems do better for children than grammar systems. Obviously grammars do better by the small percentage of children who have often been tutored or put through prep to get there. The question is how well it does by the children rejected by grammar schools?

CherryPavlova the school is non selective, no academic requirement for entry, and it does very well for the children who don’t make it to Grammar based on the small number who I know didn’t quite get into the local Grammars. Obviously I do t know which other children in the school didn’t get a Grammar place
The affluence part I agree with, they have all the best equipment both at school and home plus small class sizes and very little disruption caused by bad behaviour

We recently went through this dilemma and went with private school. For us, it's not about how much the kids come out at the end of it all earning - it's about their engagement and enjoyment of it all along the way. They were floating along at our village state school, ignored and invisible as they weren't troublemakers/challenging and didn't have SEN etc so were just largely, albeit benignly, ignored. Their achievements were never recognised and friendships centred around football as that was the only activity that was encouraged and supported. It was frustrating, saddening and very difficult to overcome, despite our efforts with tutors, extracurricular activities and wide friendship groups. We switched them to indie in Sept and the difference in their enjoyment of school is STAGGERING. They have access to a much wider range of activities, subjects and clubs, the teachers seem personally interested in the kids, the kids' efforts are recognised in many little ways, from house points to bookmarks to assembly announcements. We worried about the wealth gap but to date, and covid may have shielded us, we have encountered nothing but friendliness and help and everyone has been very welcoming; kids and adults alike. Nobody goes around bragging about money or calling people "plebs" as others have mentioned. I just wanted to post an alternative view and encourage you to think beyond how much a child will earn in their chosen career as a barometer by which to measure the success of an education. It's narrow, limiting and to be honest, a pretty poor metric IMO. Good luck OP @JanieBP with your choice - you'll do what's best for your family

@Hoppinggreen

CherryPavlova the school is non selective, no academic requirement for entry, and it does very well for the children who don’t make it to Grammar based on the small number who I know didn’t quite get into the local Grammars. Obviously I do t know which other children in the school didn’t get a Grammar place The affluence part I agree with, they have all the best equipment both at school and home plus small class sizes and very little disruption caused by bad behaviour

You are sadly incredibly naïve if you think there is no selection in a school where children pay to attend.

Well having had 2 of them go there I think I might have a good idea what the entry requirements are.
Of course there is the requirement to be able to afford it but no academic requirement

@Catsup

In the nicest possible sense paying for a top notch education does not always result in a 'bright' child.

This. My friends son went to private school and still failed the majority of his exams. My DS went o local comp and passed everything with flying colours. If they don't want to learn, doesn't matter how much you pay