Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

Do you mean £250 house deposit fit yourselves, or saved for your dc to use in the future? What is your living situation?

It depends on the child. If you have one that may find state school difficult: needs extra help, won't get on in large class sizes then private might be the way to go. But if your child is able to manage with large class sizes as most are, then I'd say state.
I think being exposed to many different people is such a benefit,particularly for teens.

However, it maybe different if you're looking at one of the top private schools as I imagine that would give you connections etc. But perhaps you would need to be part of that set anyway.

Personally, I have used state and private with varying degrees of success. Dd has stayed in state all the way through. She will probably do well as she's clever enough and no SEN. Socially she would have been better in a small private school as she suffers from anxiety. Her school is very mixed and it's been a good experience for her in terms of meeting people from different backgrounds.

Ds had a terrible time in a state primary where his significant SEN needs were covered up and not met. He is now in a private special school. Perhaps not quite the same as a non specialist private school, but his offers a mainstream stream curriculum so there will be similarities. For him the small class sizes have been essential. There is a closer relationship with parents and the school and more flexible overall with things like homework. His school is a bit of a bubble compared to DDs, but that maybe because of where it is.

@Catsup

In the nicest possible sense paying for a top notch education does not always result in a 'bright' child.

Of course private education doesn't make a bright child. What a ridiculous thing to say.

Private education usually means smaller classes, therefore greater personal attention, thus each child supposedly reaching their full potential. Possibly greater access to a variety of experiences but this is school dependent.

It totally depends on a) the child and b) the local state school provision.

However I'd go for the house first unless state school options were really dire with incredibly poor outcomes for pupils. Most state schools educate kids well, especially if they're well supported at home. The key to kids attainment is usually home support. And I'm speaking as a teacher here.

My other issue with private education is role models... I found that boys would be in an environment where men are ambitious and successful individuals but girls would mostly see women being SAHMs.

Yes plenty of this. Very conservative places, very conservative parents. Even the progressive ones are pretty conservative.

I agree with @FudgeSundae.
I was state educated in another country. The area I grew up in was mixed but more affluent than many and the schools were very good.
With my own kids we started down the private route when my first child did not get into the four nearest state schools due to oversubscription. We could afford private so he went. The same issue with my second. After my husband passed away I moved to an area (many reasons why I moved to the particular area, some financial) but if it wasn't for the one private school we would not be living here - the state schools are not good.
It isn't either or. And I think my children have gained so much more than just potential connections (not that kind of school) or earning power (neither are going in to a high earning field). It is a much more complex decision than just a financial one.

I had this dilemma last year and we ended up choosing state. Very happy with my choice. These were our reasons-

Excellent local (ish - not our nearest) state school
Private school fab but inconvenient location
DD really wanted to be with her best friends who were all going for the excellent state
Parents I respect who also had the choice went for the excellent state.
We will encourage DD to consider the private for sixth form - she will be old enough to board if she wants to or can drive herself there every day!

Happy DD has had a great first half term.

I feel for you though - we talked about little else for about a year!

A decent career is worth more than £250k. My kids went to state school, if (by some medical miracle) I had another kid no way are they going to state school past 10, the poor behaviour of the other kids (eg setting the school on fire when ofsted were in) gave my dd permanent anxiety issues

House deposit.

There are lots of decent schools around, supportive, involved parents seem (in my opinion) to result in the most well rounded 'successful' (not in money earning terms) young people.

And why the reference to cricket matches? I assume it's tongue in cheek but my DS went to the local comp, captained his school cricket team, played at Country level and I've spent nearly every Saturday afternoon during the Summer making cricket teas - which I was happy to do .

We've tussled with exactly this question over the past couple of years. In the end, we've decided to go with state education (although may switch to independent for sixth form for practical reasons).

For us, the main deciding factor was that independent education for three children (total of around £550K where we are) was going to really stretch us on a day-to-day level and leave us very little protection against financial shocks, such as redundancy or illness. It would also mean later retirement.

In the end we've decided to split the difference, by having a better quality of life, retiring earlier and and also saving a good chunk of money to help them all with housing deposits.

I think we've made the right choice. Don't get me wrong, I would love to be able to send them private, in the position of not being able to do both I think this choice gives us more financial freedom now and may well be a better overall investment for our children in long term. In the ideal world I would have done both.

I think it depends on your child's interests. My two are into sport and music and the local state offers for both are very limited at secondary, where as the private schools excel at this. Academically, I don't think their academic outcomes will be vastly different but I don't think educations all about academics.

Providing me child was going to do well at the local school I'd rather pay for extra support when needed, university and a house deposit. I'd never consider private for anything but secondary school either, but then I've always had access to outstanding primary schools.

Our local primary state schools are poor. We would need to travel 35 mins each way to reach an outstanding one.. we started at our local primary and stuck it out for ks1. The children were happy but academic expectations were low, art music and sports were almost non existent. School was run and controlled by a small group of nepotists. Our children were bored.
We moved them to a small prep school where both have flourished. Many more extra curricular opportunities and more go Getty.
We are spending more than we'd hoped as we hadn't planned to move them til secondary. However we don't plan to send them to Uber expensive public schools. They will go to cheaper day schools.
No one bought me a house and I've done on but I did go to private school.
None of my husband's friends who went to a well known London day school can afford to privately educate their kids but the they've all prioritised 200k+ on extensions.

School.

I went to a comp, DC are at v good prep and secondary private.

They are happy already, but private school ensures that they WILL be confident, happy, have friends and networks and support.

I hated arriving at uni and realising I had none of the attributes that course mates had from their private schools.

I went to private school from 6-17: I'm emphatically not a high earner. It doesn't necessarily give you opportunities for life; that's utter bollocks. I was very happy there but the girls' grammar in the same town was at least as good.

@JanieBP
The question you pose is sitting in a vacuum. The important factor is that it depends on the child, or to put it better, it depends on the parent to know what is best for the child.

I know very well three people, who in their 40’s have all retired self-made. They started and sold on businesses in the last few years for various sums between £40m and £115m. A fourth is worth considerably more than that and still going strong. All went to state school and none went to top flight university and one did not go to university at all. Not one of them made money on the back of buy-to-let and all took real risks with their time and effort. Not one inherited any money to get there.

I know two people who went to private school and have also gone on to succeed. Again neither inherited any other hand out - the school fees were it. Both have done very well indeed, but it is not for their academic skills - that is for sure - it is for their connections made at private school which are very strong.

One common factor among all of these people, both state and private school, is their desire to always do well, to always do the right thing for others and to make well informed judgments before acting. They all share a quiet confidence and a complete lack of arrogance. Each one of them also has a long term great relationship and seem well balanced.

Your focus should not be so narrow that you fail to look at your child first. You may conclude it doesn’t matter at all.

The opportunities that private education will bring throughout life should far outweigh a 250k house deposit - that would be only 6-12 months salary for a successful high earner.

I don't think it's a given that a privately educated person can walk into a 250k job.

I wouldn’t say I have particularly happy memories of a private education

Not all private schools are Eton. Not all are academicly selective, churning out elitist, narrow minded snobs. The one I work for is incredibly friendly, inclusive and family oriented. We have numerous kids paid for by the LEA as our small class sizes and pastoral support simply cannot be rivaled in a state setting (not because we're so wonderful, just numbers). I can't afford to send my dcs to the school, which breaks my heart because it's exactly what they need but not enough to get it funded. In the end, it depends on the school, the child and the state options available. The only evidence you'll get on here is anecdotal.

They are happy already, but private school ensures that they WILL be confident, happy, have friends and networks and support.

Wowser! What will you do to your kids if they don't comply?!

@BefuddledPerson

Boarding school from seven is shown to cause emotional problems for many.

I completely agree!! That decision was made off the back of doctors advice (long story). Wouldn’t happen nowadays 😬

They are happy already, but private school ensures that they WILL be confident, happy, have friends and networks and support.

Really?!

I have family who went to private school and both siblings struggle with extremely poor mental health, eating disorders and an element of discontent.

We are the chavvy black sheep of the family but we are all doing ok, although will never have the same doors opened for us as our richer relatives

There's a lot of luck involved in overall lifetime happiness.

It all depends on the child and the schools. For DS he has HFA and state school was a complete disaster for him. 30 in a class was unbearable and the communication with us was poor. He had low confidence and state school didn't expect much of him. He now goes private and is excelling in a small class with lots of sport. The chance to move and use his body makes him much happier and he's learning fabulous social skills through sport.

For DD she will go state until 8 or maybe 11 at the latest. The specialist teaching/facilities start to make a difference by 8. She will have the benefit of local friends and being part of the community. The village school is perfectly fine for under 8s. The local comp is absolutely not fine.

The half a mill we would need to put 2 kids through private education by your calculations would do both kids through secondary and buy a 4 bed detached house outright here.
We have actually dropped earnings to have me at home more, and oldest child is in the excellent state secondary.

@justanotherneighinparadise I'm not sure what point you're making? I agree that costs have increased massively.

@KarmaNoMore

Another factor to consider is that most private schools do not have the resources or expertise to support students with special needs./dyslexia etc or are keen to deal with them.

One of the reasons why they get amazing results is that they let go of under achieving students at every level change.

My other issue with private education is role models... I found that boys would be in an environment where men are ambitious and successful individuals but girls would mostly see women being SAHMs.

But again it all depends on the school and the child.

What private schools have you been seeing?!?

Certainly in London the children I know at private schools have parents who can afford a private diagnosis, have smaller classes and teachers who advocate for diagnosis and for extra time in exams etc later on, as it makes their results better. Mine are at an outstanding state school where teachers try hard but there are such limited resources and 30 child classes in primary with no TA and multiple children with additional needs. I"m thinking about how we can afford to move my autistic DD on this basis.

Similarly the girls are brought up to be HIGHLY ambitious.

There are big downsides in terms of social mixing and cost, which is why I always wanted state school - but what you're saying sounds totally unfamiliar to me.