Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

@Hoppinggreen

Well having had 2 of them go there I think I might have a good idea what the entry requirements are. Of course there is the requirement to be able to afford it but no academic requirement

I make sure you believe that, but do they have any children who couldn’t read at 11? How many children with a moderate learning difficulty are there? How many children have lower than 50% attendance?

All schools where you pay are selective by ability unless it’s a special school. You may believe they take all abilities but that’s highly unlikely.
Most comprehensive schools (A few Inspire or Harris schools might fudge, in truth) take children who are illiterate, whose social situations leave them at huge academic disadvantage, who have appalling attendance.

Independent schools select by only having children whose parents are able to pay and who are motivated to send their children there. They are unlikely to be parents with a genetic learning disability or ultra low achieving parents who don’t value education. Parental influence is far more important than schools when predicting education attainment.

Your children are blessed to have a mother who cares enough, who values their learning and to live in a secure enough situation to afford it. That makes it selective.

It's truly amazing how many Mumsnetters know private school kids who did really badly in their exams/life. Amazing.

Cherrypavlova while I completely agree that the dc are selected in terms of whether the parents can pay thats it.
There are DC that I know of with severe dyslexia, cerebral Palsy (that affects him cognitively) and another child who has struggled with learning since age 5 (good friends with parents).The school celebrates achievement of varying kinds
All of the dc have families who can pay for Private education, most have engaged caring parents but not all are academically very able, my DS included.
I am not denying the majority are very advantaged but I would still argue the school does NOT select on academic ability, if it did there would be clever kids there from poor backgrounds and there aren’t.

@Hoppinggreen

Cherrypavlova while I completely agree that the dc are selected in terms of whether the parents can pay thats it. There are DC that I know of with severe dyslexia, cerebral Palsy (that affects him cognitively) and another child who has struggled with learning since age 5 (good friends with parents).The school celebrates achievement of varying kinds All of the dc have families who can pay for Private education, most have engaged caring parents but not all are academically very able, my DS included. I am not denying the majority are very advantaged but I would still argue the school does NOT select on academic ability, if it did there would be clever kids there from poor backgrounds and there aren’t.

It sounds lovely but we’ll have to agree to disagree about silent selection.

Im sorry but I don’t know what that is

@CherryPavlova One of our local privates is chocca with children with learning disabilities, it is well known as the school that scoops up children who are struggling elsewhere - even more so since lockdown as the parents I know who moved their children after lockdown from state to private it was because they had learning difficulties (4 different families and all kept one or two of their other children in private.) It is entirely unselective, but isn't a school specifically for children with additional needs, it is just seen as gentle and nurturing.

@MrsMiaWallis

It's truly amazing how many Mumsnetters know private school kids who did really badly in their exams/life. Amazing.

Yes. Quite!

Both my sons have mild sen. That’s actually the reason we moved them out of state secondary

I was lucky enough to be sent to private school and be given a deposit. There’s literally no competition as to which had more impact on my life. One gave me some fun friends and possibly v slightly better a level grades. The other thing has given me stability, happiness and a financial position that it would have taken me years to build up. Absolutely no doubt in my mind which is the most important (and have been lucky enough to make lovely friends at uni/work/elsewhere so fairly sure I wouldn’t have been friendless without school!) (also v v aware of my privilege and so so grateful for both. But no doubt of which has made the biggest difference to my life.) (A few of my school friends have had changes in their families’ financial position and they get properly sad at thought that their school fees could have paid for house deposit.)

@MrsMiaWallis

It's truly amazing how many Mumsnetters know private school kids who did really badly in their exams/life. Amazing.

It's really not that amazing imo because in any given year there will be some plus apocryphal tales travel far.