Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

@KarmaNoMore

Another factor to consider is that most private schools do not have the resources or expertise to support students with special needs./dyslexia etc or are keen to deal with them.

One of the reasons why they get amazing results is that they let go of under achieving students at every level change.

My other issue with private education is role models... I found that boys would be in an environment where men are ambitious and successful individuals but girls would mostly see women being SAHMs.

But again it all depends on the school and the child.

This very much depends on the school. Mine is the polar opposite of this wrt SEND and provides far superior support for dyslexia for example. It doesn't have a huge SEN dept with TAs but then TAs often the first thing to be cut when state secondaries run out of money sadly.

Our two were privately educated throughout. It wasn’t so much about the standard of Education, though it certainly was superior, it was about expectations. At their schools, which were lovely but strict, the children couldn’t get away with anti social behaviour. Misbehave and the culprit and parents were warned, do it again and they were out.
All the parents expected their children to go on to University, all the children expected to go to University and as a result they worked hard. Sport was extremely important, as were the arts. It certainly wasn’t an academic pressure cooker and the teachers had the backing of the parents.
This was a long time ago. Would I do it again? Unless I could afford to move into the catchment area of a really great state school the answer is yes. We gave them the best education available to us. What better gift can you give your child?

It’s so much more complicated than the simple choice you’re presenting.

My dc are all at private school.

Eldest is at an independent SN school. State options were not deemed suitable, both by us, and eventually (after a lot of expense and stalling) by the LA authority too.

The younger 2 are both at mainstream private schools, but are also both disabled. The private schools offer some advantages which help them (class size, for one) and some which help me (the wrap around care options, especially during primary years, meant no worries or clashes with end of school timings - eldest’s school is out of county).

My eldest won’t be in a position to have children, due to severe disability. The younger two may or may not be in a position in their futures lives to put any potential children through private school. Who knows.

Eldest will always require care, so house deposit not necessary (or not straightforward, anyway).

There is so much more to this than school fees = £250k, much better to save it and give to them as a house deposit.

This is more to do with London high prices going crazy in the 00s but one of the most successful in my friendship group particularly in terms of work/life balance took a completely different path to the rest of us. She was the only one who didn't go to uni, got a job straight after A-Levels in the CS, bought a house at 20 with a small deposit (some gifted) she now lives in a 1.5m house largely funded by equity. Works p/t, one of those excellent pensions & she did a degree through work & funded later on. I have friends earning way more but they don't have the same lifestyle at all.

Well I was educated privately and it was definitely worth every penny. Faced with a similar decision I'd chose private for my kids every day. That said I wouldn't assume private is better in every circumstance. It was better for me because of the particular schools available to me. It changed my life and I'm grateful for that. However some state schools are a wonderful fit for some children and some private schools are bloody dire so it's completely impossible to make a generalisation about how to spend money on education.

Use the money to buy a house in a catchment area with decent schools.

simply because they got on the ladder later.

House deposit. Will enable you to live in a larger house and probably in an area with an excellent rated secondary school.

I'd do state primary and then consider private secondary however I friend of mine has tried 2 private schools and he still hates school so it really does depend on your child.
Mine are at state secondary one loves it.
The other is meh but she would most likely be meh anywhere

Depends on the state schools your children can go to and what private schools your children can get into. It also depends what your children are like.

@TweeBree
“ He falls into amazing job roles most people wouldn't even have access to, but he doesn't see it.”

LOL! And that’s what private school can give you. Such entitlement he can’t even recognise, let alone acknowledge, his own privilege.

Surely it’s about supporting/nurturing/developing the child/ren and who they actually are. That might mean private schooling, or a house deposit, or locating the family near (purely random example) a stage or performing arts school, or gap years abroad, or anything else. It all depends on the character, personality and ambitions of the kid/s, and what might fulfil them as a fully rounded person.

The house.

The kids might not want a high flying a career, just a job they thoroughly enjoy that pays enough to enjoy their life. You can pay for educational extras like tutors.

I've always thought paying for education usually means they'll be on the same treadmill of getting a lucrative but stressful job to pay for the bigger house and then their kids' private education who will have to do the same and on and on.

A pp mentioned contacts, well yes if you're male, from that sort of family to start with and at Eton...

If you're paying for private with the hope that it'll open doors via the old school network I'd think again My husband works in an area of finance traditionally filled with private school boys and I have friends working in law and it just doesn't happen (at least in their fields) anymore. Everything is just much more competitive and international now. No way are they hiring someone because of which high school they went to. I'm not saying it never happens in other areas but it's certainly not going to universally open doors to you.

My daughter spent seven unhappy years in primary school, being constantly mocked, teased and sometimes kicked. We moved her to a private secondary and life is bliss. In our case, private has turned a sad child into a happy one.

I disagree with other posters that private schools take all your time. Holidays are longer and I don’t need to go over my daughter’s lessons or take her to extra curricular activities at the weekend. Private has enabled us to reclaim precious family time.

I don’t know if private will turn her into a happy adult. She’ll have to take some responsibility for that. And I wouldn’t give her money for a house deposit in any event.

That’s my experience. Every story is different. I was pretty anti-private schools before but I’m pretty grateful for our private school today. Given our finances, I really wish I could say that my daughter was happy in our nearest state comp.

Good luck with your decision.

Depends very much on the private school and whether or not you can afford both house deposit and private school.
A top private is worth way way more than a mediocre private.

A top grammar is worth way more than a mediocre private irrespective of the financial consideration.
A top private is not worth much more than a top grammar academically (if anything at all) but it does bestow extra social confidence and polish.
Don't imagine that parents at top private schools are not also paying for tutors.
Don't imagine that tutors do a lot of good - I think they pushed our 11 year old in the wrong direction although he later recovered and won a scholarship two years after we stopped the tutoring which really was an astonishing come back at the time and totally unexpected. But I've been sceptical about tutors ever since. I think best to let them develop at their own speed and trust a good teacher.
Mine are both through now - I don't regret the spend. They went to a school known for producing balanced mature individuals. There are top privates I wouldn't have sent them to.

In my experience, you get far, far more bang for your buck out of tutoring. I would perhaps allocate slightly less for the house deposit and divert the rest into tutoring.

I would have struggled with this choice 15 years ago, I have lived for 20yrs in an area that has more than its fair share of prep schools and independent secondaries to choose from so lots DC friends moved to these at various points and more than once I did think should we, shouldn't we. However, if I was at OPs stage now in 2020 and having come out the other side of education with my two DC, I would take the much longer view and it would be house deposit every time and/or setting up and paying into a private pension /private healthcare policy for them. NHS and state pension provision for the younger generation is not going to be anything like it is now (and it's not great presently). State school is fine especially if you are able to afford to tutor if needed and are able offer extra curricular opportunities.

the HOUSE!

i CAN'T believe you'd consider privately educating your children if you do not already have a house.

@WiseOwlWan i think the OP means house for the dc

NHS and state pension provision for the younger generation is not going to be anything like it is now (and it's not great presently).

True dat!

[quote JanieBP]**@Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies* id agree with quality of your local state schools* but anyone able to consider independent education isn’t likely to be living in a ghetto in the first place, and 3 As and a RG degree isn’t required for the vast majority of jobs.[/quote]
If you are living in a city centre the schools may not exactly be wonderful.

I haven't read all of the answers, but I think it depends on the child, your state school and the choice of private schools around. There are several around here, one seems friendly, small classes, good facilities and a rich mix of children. One is clearly for rich people (it is VERY posh!) and the others fall some way in the middle. I could never send my child to the posh one - I would feel uncomfortable, I think. But, a lot of the state schools round here aren't great - certainly the one in my catchment are has gone downhill over the years. We are having to really think hard about what we want. In Primary, the cost of the local private school was the same as having a childminder cover the pick ups etc from the local state Primary. You have to weigh everything up. I also feel slightly strange about giving my child a 'handout' for a house. If everything is handed on a plate at an early age they may never get the drive or ethos to work for anything. But I know I am lucky to be even thinking about it - my child would never cope in large noisy classes though so I think we will stay private...it eats over half my wage each month, but for me and my child, it is worth it.

article in the irish times a while ago

I hope it made people think before stumping up large amounts of cash. I went to a private school although the fees here are ''cheap'' compared with UK as even private schools are semi state funded here (i think that's why). So, Not anti private, just ... is it the best you can do for your DC

No one can advise fully but I just wanted to say that the aim of having happy adult children is a good one, just don't say it to them. If they fail to be happy they may feel they've failed you.

Sounds ott but I've seen families where there is so much pressure to be happy the adult kids are all miserable thinking they've done something wrong in life to not be happy all the time and who is in reality?