Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

Also adding I think a lot of the benefit of private schooling is the polishing - you could encourage your children to network and send them to EC activities that would benefit them in that way too

Lot of points here, but essentially keep £ for house deposit OR to help them start a business etc:

1. private school doesnt guarantee results, most children who are supported and encouraged by parents (including occasional tutoring) will do absolutely well and fine in a state school
2. most of our children will likely have limited options for property purchase, what with a continuing recession/brexit and university loan debts, so if we can, we need to help them later on to do what they want to do, including social enterprise
3. private schools often come with an inflated sense of entitlement, and (particularly single sex versions) can be horribly cruel places, particularly for boarders who do not receive regular parental care and love. Your children will also likely spend the rest of their lives trying to bridge the gender gap as they missed out on crucial inter-gender contact during their formative years
4. Contentment and healthy relationships trump £ every time

1. private school doesnt guarantee results, most children who are supported and encouraged by parents (including occasional tutoring) will do absolutely well and fine in a state school

The first part is correct, the second part is one of those Mumsnet tropes that people type without thinking about them - although I note you write "most".

3. private schools often come with an inflated sense of entitlement, and (particularly single sex versions) can be horribly cruel places, particularly for boarders who do not receive regular parental care and love. Your children will also likely spend the rest of their lives trying to bridge the gender gap as they missed out on crucial inter-gender contact during their formative years

So many breathtakingly rude and ignorant assumptions! I wish you could see the girls that come out of my dds single sex boarding school, you would have to eat your words!

1. I dont send my DC to Private school just to get good GCSE results
2. I am sure they will be fine, property ownership is a bit over rated in this country anyway
3. Just not true, in any case mine go to a mixed sex day school
4. They can have both

Private school all the way, if you can afford it (I went to the local comprehensive school).

It has been the best decision we have ever made, it just isn't comparable to bricks & mortar.

It depends where you live. If your have a half decent school I would choose the house deposit. I think the pandemic has humbled us all.

Getting on the property ladder early or being mortgage free is most people’s DREAM!

I’m pretty much against private education tbh.

Saying that my husband went to a private school (one in the top 10 in the country), I went to the local comp in Salford. We both have the same out look on life - private education taught him that he never wanted to be ‘one of those people’. Career wise I’m doing much better than him & earn quite a bit more.
Although, his general knowledge is better.

It’s a decision only you can make & it’s where your child would be happier. That’s our job to make sure they are happy, if they’re happy they’ll learn.

I don't agree that a good education should only be the preserve of parents who can afford it. I wish schools were better funded and that all children could receive a good quality education regardless of their background.

Not everyone values education - I was at school when/where a fair number of my years sole goal was to leave as soon as possible, ‘never read a book’ and get a job (my brother being one of them despite being really brainy, waltzing into uni then dropping out because he had more fun in a band).

This is a really interesting discussion. We are currently considering private for one of our dc (number 3). Our local schools are pretty poor and there isn't much choice. Ironically I would have been happy for my other dc to go there as they are bright, confident kids but they ended up at the grammar. Dc3 however struggles more academically, is mildly dyslexic and lacks confidence. He gets by just fine and is a good boy but he'd get swallowed up and stay under anyone's radar in our state school. We have a great independent school nearby which offers a holistic approach and puts a lot of focus on sport which he is good at. I want him to go there, not for the results, but to develop him as an individual.
It is however going to be a financial strain but I have retrained and gone back to work full time so we can afford it.

MrsmiaWallis & Stepintochristmas
Rude and ignorant? How so? Evidence? I come from a very long line of teachers in both private and secondary education (Mum, dad, sister, 2 brothers, many cousins, and their children all teachers etc). I have a wealth of experinece to draw on from across the country in urban and rural areas. I attended both private and state school, my children state school and both did well.

PS I also forgot to mention that private schools foster elitism and social division, thats their fundamental USP - "your kids will do better than anyone else". Its morally wrong and leads to many social and equality problems down the line. The fact they claim to be charities is an utter disgrace, since apart from a very few exceptions (e.g. Christs College) bursaries are geared to getting pupils who will boost exam results.

Marcusian if you hate private schools so much why did you teach in one?

If students are living cheek by jowl with others term after term they judge their fellow students by their personalities not their parents’ bank balance.
My ds went to a public school which offered plenty of full and part bursaries. No one knew or cared who had them.

My dc said the only time that they witnessed conspicuous wealth and consumption was at some of their friends’ 18th or 21st parties.

If you do not believe that you should be able to buy a better education for your children, you should not be paying for a more expensive house in the catchment area of a "good" school. There is far more inequality within the state system than there is between the independent and state sectors. I can not stand the hypocrisy of those who wag their finger at those paying for private education, but will pay 50% more for a comparable house in a grammar school area and spend a few hundred a month on 11 plus tutors. Those who do so are driving the main source of inequality in the system. All the references on this thread to "good" state schools and paying for tutors "if required". This too is absolute privilege. Do not pretend otherwise. Most parents will try to do the best that they can for their children, and so inequality will always be baked in.

@marcusian

MrsmiaWallis & Stepintochristmas Rude and ignorant? How so? Evidence? I come from a very long line of teachers in both private and secondary education (Mum, dad, sister, 2 brothers, many cousins, and their children all teachers etc). I have a wealth of experinece to draw on from across the country in urban and rural areas. I attended both private and state school, my children state school and both did well.

PS I also forgot to mention that private schools foster elitism and social division, thats their fundamental USP - "your kids will do better than anyone else". Its morally wrong and leads to many social and equality problems down the line. The fact they claim to be charities is an utter disgrace, since apart from a very few exceptions (e.g. Christs College) bursaries are geared to getting pupils who will boost exam results.

I don't believe some of your posts tbh.

For a start, if you have as much 'experience' as you say, you'd know what you wrote about borading kids is a load of bollocks.

MasterGland, this is very true. I just wanted something better than my comprehensive education for my children.

There were only two friends who disagreed with me sending my children to private school.

One wrote and hounded a head teacher for a place at a school, moved into the catchment area and tutored the child constantly (grammar school). She didn't get the place.

The other changed religion when the child was 11 to get them into a religious school.

Yet both judged me. It was only two people though, everyone else said to go for it, they would if they could. Sometimes there is a little bit of jealousy involved, we are all just trying to do the best for our children.

I didnt teach in one, i was a pupil who's fees were paid by the local authority (old county scholar system).
My experiences were not far short of tom browns schooldays. Most of my ex-private school friends and acquaintances cite very similar experiences.
My children's more recent experiences of private school pupils joining their state school for 6th form confirm my enduring fears about superior behaviours generally and attitudes to women specifically. I'm sorry but 7+ years in an explicitly privileged and young all male environment does not usually make for balanced and empathic individuals.

Marcusian I expect your dc picked up your views and wrote off the ex private school students in their 6th form as posh twits before they’d even opened their mouths.
I’m sure you encouraged your dc to make their (your) intolerant narrow views quite clear to the new students.

Hang about..... your kids are ALREADY at private school, yet you're only now totting up how much it will cost and working out whether it is the best way to spend your money?

You clearly have far more money than sense, if it has only just occurred to you to consider whether the costs of sending your kids to private school are worthwhile. No one can be this ridiculous - it must be a wind up.

@Andante57

Marcusian I expect your dc picked up your views and wrote off the ex private school students in their 6th form as posh twits before they’d even opened their mouths. I’m sure you encouraged your dc to make their (your) intolerant narrow views quite clear to the new students.

I can just picture them coming home and all sitting round having a right old bitch! Hopefully the new students didn't go home and tell their parents they were studying with a bunch of judgemental chippos (just as ridiculous as your view - I fail to believe every private school teen you've met is arrogant and misogynistic (as I don't seem to know any!)