Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

What a very odd post.

I can’t imagine many privately educated people believe they worked “harder and better“ than state pupils, or that they couldn’t be friends with people who ribbed then over lattes.

Can you be “under” a perception? An impression maybe.

Family where one went to exclusive boarding school, one went to local school. We both had the same opportunities in life. Buy a house in a naice area where the schools are outstanding instead. I live near some of the top rated schools in the country. Far cheaper!

BTW both DH and my Mum had major issues after attending exclusive schools...

Honestly I think a depends on how academic the child is whether the investment is worth it if your child isn’t motivated or has a lack of ability I wouldn’t bother because it will make no difference I knew someone that was actually kicked out of private education, personally I’d rather invest in my child’s education than a property unless you were thinking of buying the property now as in 20 years 250k probably won’t even pay for a shed the rate we are moving at

I went to private school for a year. I got a great education in class A drugs. My friend went for the whole of secondary and is now a pole dancer - I'm sure her parents are chuffed with their tens of thousands pounds worth of investment. I'm sure many get a lot out of it but as pp have said, it's pot luck. I'd 100% go with the house deposit

national curriculum is NOT the same everywhere. The poorer schools do not offer the same range or quality A-Level teaching as the better-off schools.
IB schools have entirely different curricula, and generally superior teaching and broader curriculum.
Many state school students are poorly prepared for universityI've been teaching them for yearsI know!

@Ali85

Just a note on the links that Ginfordinner gave to news stories apparently showing that state school students do better than private at university. A number of them are based on a HEFCE study that was published with a significant mistake in the data. They had transposed the numbers for state and private school pupils getting a good degree www.independent.co.uk/news/education/education-news/university-funding-body-made-disturbing-blunder-claim-state-school-students-perform-better-a6718201.html In fact the research showed that private school pupils were more likely to get a good degree but the news reports based on the mistake still seem to be online uncorrected. It still does seem to show (though its a few years old now) that for students who don't have the top A-level results then state school students do better than private with the same grades, though that might simply reflect the fact that private schools are better at getting higher A-level grades for middle ability students.

Oh my. That is a very significant error.

So the results were the exact opposite. Private school pupils did better at university.

I went to a good independent / public school, went on to get a degree and a well paid job. I bought a house at 23 and paid my own deposit!
I am now a parent who pays for my own DC school fees with no grandparent help!
I don’t know who you are talking to OP?
My DC and I are both dyslexic, state schools never cut it back in my day and imho don’t now either (from an attitude point of view not support).

@MrsMiaWallis

Depends what you want from them. I would disagree if you want more than phonics being the focus for the first 2 years and SATs prep being the focus at the other end

The SATS prep was actually brilliant for the two of mine that did them. They are both excellent at writing grammatically correct essays. The one that went to a prep spent her whole time doing sport and plays and could barely write a correct sentence by year 8 🤣

That’s pretty extreme if not able to write a decent sentence. However, that’s still kind of my point; I want a different education for my DCs that isn’t just about prepping and drilling for the next stage. I want this part of their childhood to be celebrated and nurtured.

@TatianaBis
Your honest first reaction demonstrates the point I was trying to make wonderfully.
Due to limited exposure “you can’t imagine” and hence cast doubt on a statement you know nothing about. Yes I can categorically say the rhetoric amongst successful private educated peers is that we worked harder and smarter, thus deserve all the achievements.

Choice of drink was one example of many. It is meant to demonstrate how we differed on numerous minor insignificant details that the difference felt more like a cultural divide.

A private education is a nice luxury if you can easily afford it, but if the choice is one or the other, I’d go for giving my kids a house deposit. That’ll be far more beneficial to them in the long run.

@riddles26
Excellent points and I am sorry to hear about the bullying! Glad to hear you are okay now!
I hear the same from consultant friends whose consultant or doctor parents in comparison had much more lavish lifestyles than what they can afford nowadays. Which means they are no longer as keen for their children to continue the family tradition. Excruciatingly long hours and tremendous stress for relatively little pay per hour compared to other fields, notably finance or legals representing multinational companies.

I can't think of a greater gift I can give my children than the best possible education. In my opinion it will give them the tools to choose what they want to do with their lives and the confidence to make it happen. Whether that turns them into a high earner or not, well that's up to them. But I hope that the example of how hard my husband and I work, will hopefully help them realise that nothing in life happens without effort. It's my belief that if they want nice houses in the future, then they need to learn the value of money and how to save up for them.

I’ve done a mixture of everything. I was fully state educated and my DH was private from year 1. With my two DS, the eldest was state to end year 2, private to end year 11 and is now at a state sixth form college. The youngest has been private from nursery to end year 8 and will go to state from year 9 onwards. At each stage we have looked at the child, the schools and the current state of our finances (DH is self employed and has had very varying income over the years; my salary pays for us to live and his does what it is able to do). We have always committed to a full stage of education; so when we moved dS1 private in year 3 it was with a commitment to stay until at least year 6. Actually he stayed till end year 8 and we then committed again to year 11. What I would say is that if you live in an area with decent state schools, you are so completely NOT paying for grades. Particularly at sixth form, I would say the state sixth form college which DS1 now attends is easily better academically than the sixth form at his previous private school. But for me it was about so much more than academics. The joy that both my boys have got out of being in small classes with lots of drama, music and sport and teachers who are not too overwhelmed with discipline, paperwork and the national curriculum to focus on the kids has been worth in life happiness terms much more than a house deposit. The sad thing is that state schools could do all that if they weren’t forced to be so obsessed with league tables and conformity (well maybe all except the small class sizes) but that’s for another thread.

It depends completely on the child and on the schools. Either option could be sensible.

For us we chose school, but (a) the cost for us will be less than half what you are reckoning, (b) the school is a perfect fit for what we needed, and having been to the open days of several other private schools which fell very much short of that it is certain that there are plenty of private schools which wouldn't have been suitable so we are lucky that the right one happens to exist within a reasonable commute and (c) with DC with SEN that are relatively "mild" we felt it would be very easy for these to go under the radar in a school with larger class sizes and fewer resources, and felt it would be a bigger risk to trust in the state system for our particular DC than it would have been for DC without additional needs.

Money doesn't buy happiness - being able to give your child a foot on the housing ladder is no more guaranteed to give them a happy adulthood than any other thing you might do with the money. Neither choice is more or less likely to lead to happiness, that will happen or not happen in accordance with your child's attitude to life in general, totally independent of your financial choices.

I would opt for the house deposit. I was fortunate to be given both when I was younger and the house deposit was the bigger benefit to me. Most of my colleagues were at state school and earn the same as me but I live in a much nicer area than them.

[quote roastedsaltedpeanut]@TatianaBis
Your honest first reaction demonstrates the point I was trying to make wonderfully.
Due to limited exposure “you can’t imagine” and hence cast doubt on a statement you know nothing about. Yes I can categorically say the rhetoric amongst successful private educated peers is that we worked harder and smarter, thus deserve all the achievements.

Choice of drink was one example of many. It is meant to demonstrate how we differed on numerous minor insignificant details that the difference felt more like a cultural divide.[/quote]
I was educated privately myself and so are my kids but in all my life never heard that kind of claptrap from anyone.

Some people seem to do well in private others don't. Is this a hypothetical question op?
Also if my children were at private school I wouldn't want to move them if they were happy there.

It’s really a personal choice. We sent our three children to private school - although not the entire way through.

While we’re not going to be able to provide 250k or anywhere near that for a house deposit, we would be allowing our children to live with us while they saved up their deposit and we would give what we could at the time.

For us, we both went to private school and really believe in education, wanting to give our kids the best education we could do they had the tools to do whatever they wished to with that education.

My boys did some private and finished at state. If you are involved parents and happy to supplement any shortfalls in the state system, I would say state up till time of common entrance exam. I have friends whose children were at school with mine in private sector from nursery age, whose children failed the entrance exam to progress to the senior school, and they were booted out. No appeal, no matter how involved parents in school life. I would say the things my boys gained from their time are confidence, a broader range of interests than they would have had, and a good basic education. And they mixed with kids from backgrounds with hard working parents who mostly owned their own businesses. Not inherited wealth, which we think gave them an appreciation of what hard work can achieve. Lots of things you can get from state school but it depends on the school. We were lucky in that they then went into a good selective boys school. A levels are the most important qualification, and they can’t ‘wing it’ with them, so a good 6th form is critical. But of course to get into 6th firm you need decent GCSE’s, and to get them you need to study. And that is a learned habit we have found that it’s critical for parents of most children to help enforce. We thought we were doing well, and created an environment for our boys to study, but they tell us - now they are in mid to late 20’s - that we should have been stricter.
All in all I think that you are the most important determinant in their success, and you will know your limitations. If you can give them lots of support and encouragement, build good study habits, and fill the gaps in state education with trips to museums, lots of talk around the table, reading at home, then spend the money on your house and be in a good place financially.

DP went to a top ranking boys school and I went to state school. Both children did some state primary and then private for secondary. DD did well at private and is studying medicine. It certainly helped her with confidence and high expectations. Village school wanted to label my DS as special needs to get more funding. He is now forging ahead and in top 2 for English in his year in a academically selective school. He doesn’t take it for granted and works hard in class. I have worked in our local secondary and it is indeed the pits. We know we made the right decision for our children.

We did house deposit but it wasn't a difficult choice as we have good local comps and kids were happy there and did well. We would have switched to private if needed.

I think private for 6th form is a great option and we would have done that if we thought our kids would have benefitted from it. It seemed to work well for many of my friends kids.

We helped our kids buy homes earlier than they would have been able to on their own- it has saved them paying thousands in rent and has meant they could buy houses they could live in for a long time rather than tiny 'starter' flats.

I think it's hard to know the right thing to do. I've friends kids who have gone to expensive private schools and now have high flying city jobs. They did seem to benefit from getting amazing work experience etc

Depends on the school. When I was a kid, the public school at the end of my road was quite good! The private school was great, but the difference wasn't significant.

PPs are right, tutoring can help a lot. So can doing different activities (sports, swimming, music...). Holidays to see different people and cultures are also important. I would advise you to consider everything! Money stability and being debt free would be amazing! That could mean you might even be able to help your children get with their deposit

It really depends on what you want for your kids. Personally, I would go for the house and be financially secure. Like others have said, find a fabulous state school (and there are many out there) and do extra curriculars instead. However, I understand from friends that it isn't always the education that is the thing - its who you meet (as in its not what you know its who you know) and that is quite a useful thing in life.

House deposit. Assuming of course that the schools the children go to are good/outstanding anyway.

250k is a life changing amount of money - would you be in a position to fund the private schooling if one of you lost your job?

We are having a loose discussion on private school for our children at the moment. I think we aren't going to go that way as we have outstanding schools here in catchment. I suspect we would be thinking harder if we had poor schools