Private school or £250k house deposit......

[JanieBP]

For your child. Just that really. DH calculated that to send our DC the whole way through private school will be £250k EACH (including fee increases etc....they are at a private school now, but we are reconsidering). Even the most modest private secondary education is going to set you back £60k per child. Yet almost everyone I meet who went to a private school can’t afford to send their own child privately (well not without significant grandparent help). One dad said to me his aim was to make ‘happy adults’. Doesn’t every parent want happy children- Even grown up ones? As adults if they can afford to get on the property ladder and have a secure home that might make them happier than being able to reminisce about the school play, school cricket matches and match tea.......

@Zeewest

we chose private school for both our girls one from aged 5 to A levels (GCSE & A levels at boarding school) the other from aged 5 to GCSE (she did business studies at 6th form college). Gave them such a great start in their careers.

How do you know that it was the private education that gave them the great start? Was it the connections made at school?

My son is at private school. The education is very good and Zoom lessons similar to his normal timetable were a godsend during first lockdown, The extra curricular stuff isn’t anything exceptional however, obviously even more so right now. We have been tempted a couple of times to change to state schooling because of bad behaviour within the year group (and one or two really obnoxious parents - cream teas after sport become a bit cringe). If there are good state schools near you, I would say put a house deposit down as a priority if it’s one choice or the other. Private schooling doesn’t outweigh a better home life. And it brings the same problems as state schools, with behaviour and social media influences. If your child wants to learn then they would do well anywhere I should think. Best of luck - hope you get your house!

We sent our son to a public school. We had considered sending him to a private school but would have not been able to invest in upgrading to a better house. In the end we thought if he needed more help in his studies we would rather pay for a private tutor for subjects that he was not strong in rather than pay the huge private school fees. As it happened he is very bright and didn’t need extra tuition. He is also determined to work hard, do his A Levels, go to university and get a good job at the end of it all.
I went to a public school because I wanted to go to the same school as my friends. My brother went to a private school but did not benefit in any way so basically it was a waste of money for my parents. Even though my brother came out with hardly any qualifications he still did well in his career. It’s up to the parents to encourage their children to work hard and do well whether they send them to a private school or whether they send them to a public school.

Calledyoulastnightfromglasgow

I am in East Renfrewshire, we have the 2 best schools in Scotland no need for private education. I say go state & save.....!!

We sent our daughter to an inner city state schools and she’s now doing her PHD in virology on her way to become a doctor. It’s more about the time and effect you give a child than the money spent on them.

What depresses me is that people also assume that parents who send their kids to private schools are focused on achievement and socially climbing/ networking.
Those are absolutely NOT the reason I send my kids to a private school. I send them because of the extra pastoral care. The smaller classes mean the teachers get to know everyone very well. Every teacher in the school gets to know every child. They spot when kids are struggling, not just academically but socially too. And they are more able to keep a close eye and take action.
I also send mine to private so I can speak to a teacher whenever I feel the need -- usually within hours of sending an email. I try not to abuse this but it's useful when things do come up.
Another reason for choosing private is because there is more emphasis on 'all round' interests. They get to try so many sports/activities that aren't available in a state school, and I wouldn't necessarily have the wherewithal to organise myself.
Finally, I choose private because believe it or not, it's more diverse than my local state school which is all middle class white kids. At the private school we have kids from all over the world, from different background and cultures. Not all are super privileged thanks to scholarships etc. Many are just like us -- prioritising school above holidays, big homes, cars and material things.
Just my take on it. Yes, I would definitely choose private school over a house deposit. In fact I already have.

Creativenina did you mean state school when you wrote public school?

I agree that parental support is key, regardless of what type of school you send your children to.

Ginfordinner yes sorry I meant (state school) as in public school.

@deedeegee

Last study I read about it stated that bright children will do well anywhere. Going to a private school won’t necessarily make children happier- I know, I was physically bullied at a girls’ school! Buy a decent house and top up if tutors needed...

Is this what private school parents are paying for though? Some are paying for better academics, some are paying for more individual attention / pastoral care/ individual attention. Some are paying for social connections or because it is the done thing in their family.

Posters without experience of private schools do tend to assume all the schools are of the same ilk (Etonian!) and the parents likewise.

Trust me, as a teacher who has taught in a variety of state and private schools, nothing could be further from the truth. There is such a broad spectrum in both sectors.

The brightest children I have taught have been in state school. Their grades were straight A*. But in no way did they get the academic stretch a more average child gets in an independent school. They were taught to the test due to league tables. Very very successfully so their results were stellar and they had access to Oxbridge. However. We had no time to explore learning for the love of learning. To do Classics, philosophy, debating, look at undergraduate material, experiment. The highest attainers were learning in mixed classes and exams were the goal, not learning for the love of learning. Again state schools vary and I'm sure some have a more homogenous catchment than the ones I have taught in.

It is clear from this thread that many many posters see the purpose of education as certificates then RG uni then high-paying career. Not my view at all.

And of course any school can have problems with bullying which is bloody horrific wherever it occurs

I have 3 very happy adults that went to local schools. Youngest has just left school and is at college, the older 2 are working.
Without a shadow of a doubt I would put the money towards houses.

NeurologicallySpeaking
I went to an excellent independent school back in the dark ages, but most of my university cohort were state educated. My sons were mostly state educated and they did fine.(The two years one of them spent in a selective independent school was disastrous!) I taught in both sectors: there was no difference in what we taught. Exams are universal. You do get a better accent and a smarter uniform in the private sector, true. But you also get parents who are hoping to buy privilege, too. We had a saying in one independent staffroom: "They think they buy the brains with the blazers!".:-)

In the nicest possible sense paying for a top notch education does not always result in a 'bright' child.

Private education does not guarantee that it will result in a better person... (cough-BoJo-cough)

@bellocchild

NeurologicallySpeaking I went to an excellent independent school back in the dark ages, but most of my university cohort were state educated. My sons were mostly state educated and they did fine.(The two years one of them spent in a selective independent school was disastrous!) I taught in both sectors: there was no difference in what we taught. Exams are universal. You do get a better accent and a smarter uniform in the private sector, true. But you also get parents who are hoping to buy privilege, too. We had a saying in one independent staffroom: "They think they buy the brains with the blazers!".:-)

Yes well obviously we all teach the same exams so that part of it is the same I'm both sectors but the extras we are teaching either as co-curricular, extension when exams are taken early, in KS3, alongside exams etc etc

I went to a state school myself and was very anti private schools but to be frank the experience of the independent schools I have worked in has been superior to the state schools (very superior to the state school I went to!)

Only if you put the right child in the right school of course and that's the hard bit!

I had the opposite experience with uni- Oxbridge grad some years ago and I was one of the few state schools students on my course. It was clear that, although I actually had the higher grades, those who went to private school had had the better education.

Some of them were bloody rude though...

The thing is a £20k school bill in a year necessitates an income of £40k+ before deductions.

The workplace they are going into isn't the same as the one we went into.

Gradually the privilege of the British elite could be chipped away at as we increasingly move into a globalised world.

Or it could of course go the other way, whereby there continued use for the accent, manners, confidence and network that come with being part of the elite.

It's really hard to tell right now, but my instincts are telling me that with the increasing recognition of the value of diversity, elitism has had its day.

The next generation are going to need emotional intelligence, social skills, technological capabilities and creativity.

However, building a network does seem to be as critical as ever.

House and security all the way. Private school does not buy happy children.

I'd pick the house. The regimen of too many private schools puts me in mind of the song "Where Did My Childhood Go?"
No child should have to do lessons for more than five hours a day five days a week .Homework, games, religion and cadets should always be voluntary. I would also put 20% VAT on private school fees and end their charity status.

Speaking as an adult, if I was offered the choice to go back to school (Private) or be offered the money for a house I would take the latter.

@Andante57

There is also some evidence those with wealthy parents are less motivated as they need not compete in the jobs market. This is a different issue

Could you enlarge on this please, befuddled.

Oh hi, yes - apparently for those whose parents have businesses, or large farms, or who will get an internship/training place through family contacts - the universities sometimes see lower effort as those students are confident in post-degree plans.

Those who are truly wealthy so they won't really work are another group still of course.

DH and I were both privately educated. We can afford to send DD private but are seriously considering a good state school instead.

Private schools can be insanely pressurised and competitive. They often produce pupils with a very narrow minded, money centric mentality. More than one of my school friends had serious anxiety issues about exams and future success. They definitely didn’t have a carefree childhood by any means.

My highest earning friend (banking) was state educated, naturally very bright and extremely resilient. My private school friends are not all high earners.

Think it totally depends on quality of the local state schools and the character of your child - definitely a tough choice.

My husband taught in a public school, we were expected to send our children there and of course got reduced fees but still very expensive. Our second child hated it so left and moved to the local state school. Our youngest went through the state system for her entire education and did very well getting a 1st and a PhD. Unless the state schools are terrible in your area don't waste your money. Far better to go to a state school and be prepared for life in the real world and not just mixing with the privileged few.

Good old private school debate. Lol
DH and I are both privately educated and our kids are in private education too. But not all private schools are made equal. I absolutely loved the school I went to and DH loved his. Sadly due to work we couldn’t send our kids there. The school our kids go to is okay, I guess, but I don’t know any other alternative as no one in our family is state educated and there isn’t another suitable school within driving distance. Friends only perpetuate horror stories they hear about state school and reinforcing my fear perhaps, ignorance no doubt.

Both of our families prioritise education because it maximises earning potential. 500k spread out over 14 years isn’t that much for us. I don’t think we could have achieved half of what we have without a solid education behind us. We are always under the perception that we work much harder and work smarter than the state pupils (better teaching staff, better equipment, unlimited supply of books and whatever else we need). We are all encourage to achieve maximum potential, to live life to the fullest, whatever that may be. Having said that DS school seems to be only churning out medical doctors! Terribly narrow minded when the school curriculum is screwed towards a certain profession, and arts and sports are relatively overlooked despite having the equipment and facilities. This again is something the state parents disagree with me, as the general consensus is arts and sports just get in the way of real education.

Around 75% of the parents at the current school are state educated. They are successful and truly accomplished and driven. Their children are brilliantly clever and equally driven. In comparison my kids do seem a bit too “relaxed” about it all, which is terrible imo. But I don’t want to reinforce the state vs private dichotomy by saying how “lucky” they are, which was rammed down my throat growing up.

Also, in my experience, the private and state divide was felt throughout uni. Where you are expected to hang out with your “kind”. I tried to stray but was teased mercilessly by the state friends if I ever stepped out of line. “Ooooh roastedsaltedpeanut had never been to primark, how posh are youuuu!” Well primark didn’t exist in Europe, that’s why. I was even mocked for getting a latte instead of a soft drink.
I found I ended up making friends with privately educated people, not deliberately, but it just fell that way. I could truly open up and relax without being judged.

Only read the first couple of pages but it definitely is not as simple as many make out. I attended 2 private secondary schools because I did was not enjoying the first. The first one was one that appears holistic and nurturing when visiting; my parents fell in love with it when viewing which is why they sent me. In reality, it was one of the stereotypical schools full of rich girls, I felt out of place because whilst comfortable, we were nowhere near as rich as the others and I was bullied.
They moved me half way through to another which was full of girls with 2 parents working, mostly in professional roles in order to pay fees for their children to attend the school. I was in the same boat, fitted in perfectly and excelled. It did not have the vast landscaped grounds and facilities the first one did but it provided a good education and self-belief. I was one of those who had the potential to do well but was heavily influenced by others. I was the perfect candidate for a private education and heavily benefitted from it.

With regards to being able to pay for own children; the overwhelming majority of us who went to school together are in similar professional jobs to that our parents were in when they paid our fees. Big difference being that fees have risen much faster than wages and inflation so many cannot afford a private education in the same way that we were provided. It is not due to underachievement.

DH and I thought long and hard about whether to go down the private route or not for our DC as we are truly conflicted. I was state educated for primary and private secondary; he was the reverse. My parents fully bought into the concept that paying for a private school meant I had to come out with good grades as that is why they paid fees. This clouded their ability to see how miserable I was in the first school and also meant I was too ashamed to tell them.

If sending private, I believe it is because you want the whole experience; small class sizes, exposure to opportunities etc. It should not be about grades alone; you are bringing up your child to be happy and confident in themselves and to be able to stand up for themselves. Also to have opportunities to try things and not be scared of failing. I believe that self belief and confidence is worth far more than any house deposit and cannot be taken away from them in the future. Money can come and ago but that is a true investment in my opinion.

For our children - we have decided we will send them to a prep school and then will decide what we feel is best fit at 11. I am definitely leaning towards state right now but will see based on their personalities