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Original poster

Staff member at B and M humiliated me.

252 replies

Zoflorabore · 04/12/2020 23:29

Hi. I don’t know if I’m being ultra sensitive here but I had an experience tonight which made me feel awful, embarrassed and angry.

I have a life limiting condition and several MH issues and struggle wearing a mask. Instead, I wear a hidden disabilities lanyard which I wear. I was with dd (9) and tried to get a trolley.

I had a trolley coin which got stuck so I went inside to ask for help. The lady on the first took had just finishing serving a customer so I first apologised for bothering her and asked if there was someone who could help with the trolleys.

She told me that they don’t accept the trolley coins and i spotted a trolley a little further along and asked if I could use that.

She told me no, they are only for people with disabilities, I then pointed to my hidden disabilities lanyard and told her that i do have a disability to which she replied “well they’re for people in a wheelchair”.

There were a few people in the queue. I told her that having a disability is not defined by being a wheelchair user. My daughter said “come on mum I will get a basket too and help you” I felt mortified. People in the queue looked sympathetic and the woman then said she would send someone out to get me my trolley coin and I told her not to bother. I struggled around the (huge) shop and gave up halfway round.

When I went to pay I asked the cashier if the first woman is a manager and she said she isn’t. I feel like complaining which isn’t something I’ve ever done in a shop but I think in this day and age especially, the staff member shouldn’t have treated me like I was lying.

Sorry that was bloody long!

OP posts:
pickingdaisies · 05/12/2020 16:24

MN probably intervened because of the posters assuming that the OP's disability is to do with MH (inability to wear a mask) and going on to imply that she is putting it on because "anyone can get a lanyard". Therefore, OP was undeserving of a trolley, or of help getting one. Absolutely shameful. The thing with a hidden disability is, it's hidden. You don't know by looking what a person is going through. But it doesn't stop people judging. Or determine to know what they disability is.
I'm not sure why everyone is assuming it was a wheelchair trolley, either. It sounds like one of those lighter ones they have at Tesco.
OP, I don't like the sound of the cashier either, and you really shouldn't have tried to shop with a basket. Your daughter sounds wonderful. And you have handled yourself here with grace, in the face of really revolting comments.

Cygne · 05/12/2020 16:25

And, sorry to be pedantic, but the OP didn't ask if she could use the trolley for disabled shoppers because she has hidden disabilities. In her own words- she asked if she could use the trolley, which she hadn't noticed was for physically disabled customers, was told it was (for physically disabled customers) and then said she had hidden disabilities. Not quite the same.

It's simply a longer version of what I said, and if anything itmakes the conduct of people on here worse. She innocently asked if she could use an unused trolley which did not appear to be adapted for disabled people, she was told that it was reserved for disabled people, whereupon she pointed out that that included her. All of it totally unexceptionable, but some people on here have decided that it still makes her the unreasonable one.

GroundAlmonds · 05/12/2020 16:27

How can anyone mistake a wheelchair trolley for a normal one?

Peppafrig · 05/12/2020 16:37

@pickingdaisies no one needs to assume it’s a wheelchair trolley. It’s already been confirmed as fact as the shop assistant told the OP it was .

MiddleClassProblem · 05/12/2020 16:39

@Cygne

And, sorry to be pedantic, but the OP didn't ask if she could use the trolley for disabled shoppers because she has hidden disabilities. In her own words- she asked if she could use the trolley, which she hadn't noticed was for physically disabled customers, was told it was (for physically disabled customers) and then said she had hidden disabilities. Not quite the same.

It's simply a longer version of what I said, and if anything itmakes the conduct of people on here worse. She innocently asked if she could use an unused trolley which did not appear to be adapted for disabled people, she was told that it was reserved for disabled people, whereupon she pointed out that that included her. All of it totally unexceptionable, but some people on here have decided that it still makes her the unreasonable one.

I don’t think that’s what most people are saying. It’s about what happened after she said she had a disability. The staff member corrected herself and said it was for wheelchair user and then OP replied telling the staff member there were different kinds of disabilities. It does sound a bit like a defensive lecture. The staff member offered to get someone to hell her. OP said not to bother.

But none of it is a big deal. It probably got OP’s bloody pumping and has stayed with her and we don’t know what tone was used by either party. I don’t think anybody is a villain or a victim in this one. It’s just an everyday misunderstanding/confrontation.

Original poster
Zoflorabore · 05/12/2020 16:58

I knew my post would be deleted but that’s fine.

Just to clarify that I DID NOT report the thread to HQ. I would be happy for them to confirm this.

Obviously other people felt that the tone was nasty and was maybe getting out of hand. I don’t know.

OP posts:
Original poster
Zoflorabore · 05/12/2020 17:02

pickingdaisies thank you for your kind words Smile

OP posts:
SlippersForFlippers · 05/12/2020 17:03

I think the main issue was at the start, op expected the person on the till to be the one to get her a trolley. The person on the till will have been trained not to leave the till. She offered to get someone else to help but that wasn't good enough.

The rest of the conversation was because the op looked for a solution which unfortunately wasn't one that was possible.

missbunnyrabbit · 05/12/2020 17:10

Sorry but I don't think she did anything wrong. You might have a hidden disability but if you are able to use a normal trolley then you should not be using trollies designed for wheelchair users.

If she had a nasty tone to her voice then I would understand your frustration at that. But she said nothing wrong.

Original poster
Zoflorabore · 05/12/2020 17:11

Actually all the cashier said is that the trolleys don’t accept tokens and didn’t offer any further assistance at that point.

It was only when my daughter said she would help me that she called for assistance on the tannoy.

I was there and I explained what happened. I’ve accepted my mistake and I haven’t embellished the scenario in any way.
I have worked in customer service for many years ( until I had to stop working) and I’ve worked on the till in shops and i know how to talk to people properly and the way she spoke to me wasn’t nice. I’m not expecting special treatment. I hate being in this situation but I knew I would struggle without a trolley. And I did.

MN may have commented on disabled children as I have an autistic son. They can access my previous posts obviously but other than that I am not aware of why they commented as I didn’t report the thread.

OP posts:
400rabbits · 05/12/2020 17:29

God I feel sorry for people working in shops

The OP interrupted the woman who was in the middle of serving customers
Then she thought it would be fine to take a trolley- and to the people talking about hidden disabilities, the OPs problem wasn't that she was unable to use an ordinary trolley, just that the token wasn't working
OP then lectured the poor woman on the particular words she used, while she had a queue of customers waiting
She offers to get the Op help, the OP said don't bother
Now she's thinking of complaining!

diddl · 05/12/2020 17:30

"but I knew I would struggle without a trolley."

Was there no way you could have got another trolley?

Original poster
Zoflorabore · 05/12/2020 17:36

FFS I did not interrupt her while she was in the middle of serving customers. Pls read the op.

I had no change apart from a load of 5p’s and copper. This is very unusual for me. To repeat myself, there was no sign which said that trolley tokens do not work.

To be honest this thread has upset me more than last night. Some of the comments have been uncalled for.

OP posts:
lemonsquashie · 05/12/2020 17:37

In answer to your question, think perhaps you are a bit sensitive. The situation as you described doesn't sound particularly mortifying to me. Maybe you are overthinking things. Your 9 year old sounds very sensible and level headed though.

I wouldn't complain but perhaps think about next time asserting yourself calmly and effectively without getting upset or thinking it over for hours afterwards.

Working at B&m in December must be a tough gig, and especially given the year we had.

Retiremental · 05/12/2020 17:44

Your OP says there were people in the queue?

Peppafrig · 05/12/2020 17:45

But you did interrupt her while she was in the middle of serving customers. She had a queue and you didn’t join it to ask her a question you tried to nip in between her finishing up one customer and you were not the next in line .

400rabbits · 05/12/2020 17:45

@Zoflorabore

FFS I did not interrupt her while she was in the middle of serving customers. Pls read the op.

I had no change apart from a load of 5p’s and copper. This is very unusual for me. To repeat myself, there was no sign which said that trolley tokens do not work.

To be honest this thread has upset me more than last night. Some of the comments have been uncalled for.

I did read your OP. You said there was a queue of people waiting , who were apparently looking on sympathetically ( I suspect that they were feeling something different)
diddl · 05/12/2020 17:50

I think if there's no one else about then it's par for the course that cashiers also have to deal with other customers & I'm sure that most queueing customers don't mind.

DrSop · 05/12/2020 17:59

Is there a sign by the trolleys about tokens? At our B&M there's signs saying they don't take tokens.

Peppafrig · 05/12/2020 18:03

@diddl it is very much not par of the course that cashiers deal with other customers anywhere I have ever worked. Infact if your on till you aren’t even allowed to go to the toilet without getting a replacement . I’m sure you would be happy to stand in a queue and just as you get to the front the cashier disappears out the front of a shop to start messing around with trolleys. Then again someone else comes up with another problem so off they go again to help them. Sure you wouldn’t mind . Maybe in little shops the cashier deals with other jobs at the same time but not in December in B&M. The cashier done all she could and offered to get someone to help.

sixpencenonethepoorer · 05/12/2020 18:33

@Zoflorabore don't take some of the more vitriolic comments to heart! These are disproportionate responses. FWIW I do think you probably should have accepted the offer of help, and maybe gone about it slightly differently.

BUT! This is not the end of the world. You realised and you have said this over and over again. I don't think there's any more you can say - your responses have been perfectly reasonable! Smile

SlippersForFlippers · 05/12/2020 18:44

@diddl it's par for the course for a cashier to call some one else to help customers who come to the till like OP, but not for the cashier to leave the till especially when they have people in the queue.

pickingdaisies · 05/12/2020 19:11

@peppafrig the assistant did not say it was a wheelchair trolley. She said it was only for disabled customers, then said it was for wheelchair users. Maybe it was specifically adapted for wheelchairs, maybe not. We don't know. We only know what she said, according to OP. I know shop workers are mostly hardworking and helpful, and have a lot of shitty customers, and I know that a small minority of shop workers can't be arsed.

purpledagger · 05/12/2020 19:24

Slippersforflippers that what the customer service desk is for. I'd be annoyed if I was queuing for customer services and a staff member was diverted to deal with a queue jumper (OP said there was a queue of customers and they jumped in between customers).

SlippersForFlippers · 05/12/2020 19:32

I don't think b n m has a customer service desk!