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Original poster

Staff member at B and M humiliated me.

252 replies

Zoflorabore · 04/12/2020 23:29

Hi. I don’t know if I’m being ultra sensitive here but I had an experience tonight which made me feel awful, embarrassed and angry.

I have a life limiting condition and several MH issues and struggle wearing a mask. Instead, I wear a hidden disabilities lanyard which I wear. I was with dd (9) and tried to get a trolley.

I had a trolley coin which got stuck so I went inside to ask for help. The lady on the first took had just finishing serving a customer so I first apologised for bothering her and asked if there was someone who could help with the trolleys.

She told me that they don’t accept the trolley coins and i spotted a trolley a little further along and asked if I could use that.

She told me no, they are only for people with disabilities, I then pointed to my hidden disabilities lanyard and told her that i do have a disability to which she replied “well they’re for people in a wheelchair”.

There were a few people in the queue. I told her that having a disability is not defined by being a wheelchair user. My daughter said “come on mum I will get a basket too and help you” I felt mortified. People in the queue looked sympathetic and the woman then said she would send someone out to get me my trolley coin and I told her not to bother. I struggled around the (huge) shop and gave up halfway round.

When I went to pay I asked the cashier if the first woman is a manager and she said she isn’t. I feel like complaining which isn’t something I’ve ever done in a shop but I think in this day and age especially, the staff member shouldn’t have treated me like I was lying.

Sorry that was bloody long!

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 05/12/2020 00:49

sorry you had that experience.
but try not to take it seriously.
she probably felt stressed too. and she would not have noticed that you had a disability lanyard, so when she said about the trolley for disabled people she meant wheelchair users.
she may have been told by manager not to let other people use those, as they have had complaints from wheelchair users... about trolleys not being available.
i think it was basically a misunderstanding Op.

Groovinpeanut · 05/12/2020 00:50

Not all disabilities/ health conditions are visible. The woman casting her aspersions is not medically trained to assess your disabilities/ conditions.
This is a staff training issue. Report it, and try not to dwell on it. Ignorant people will make stupid comments. It's their silly problem, not yours so report and leave them with it.

VivaMiltonKeynes · 05/12/2020 00:52

People in the queue looked sympathetic and the woman then said she would send someone out to get me my trolley coin and I told her not to bother

Your choice?

SirMoanalot · 05/12/2020 00:54

And not all disabilities need a special trolley though. There is a limited number of them so they should be used by people who need them the most.

Peppafrig · 05/12/2020 00:56

@SirMoanalot exactly and to demand to use the adapted trolley when you don’t need too. When it sounds from your post that there was only one so if a wheelchair user needed that trolley then they wouldn’t be able to shop.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/12/2020 01:00

[quote Peppafrig]@SirMoanalot exactly and to demand to use the adapted trolley when you don’t need too. When it sounds from your post that there was only one so if a wheelchair user needed that trolley then they wouldn’t be able to shop.[/quote]
Op didn’t demand. She asked. And she didn’t take it when she was told it was for wheelchair users. Confused

Peppafrig · 05/12/2020 01:05

She says in her OP that when told by the cashier it was for wheelchair users she still thought she was entitled to use it . It was only when her daughter said she would get a basket she went away or she would have used the adapted trolley .

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/12/2020 01:25

@Peppafrig

She says in her OP that when told by the cashier it was for wheelchair users she still thought she was entitled to use it . It was only when her daughter said she would get a basket she went away or she would have used the adapted trolley .
That is not what op was saying at all. She was educating the cashier that not all disabilities were visible. It was in relation to the first comment that the trolley is for people with disabilities. Not that she was demanding to use the wheelchair trolley. She was upset. Unless you have hidden disabilities and struggle to walk around a shop like b&m, it is perhaps difficult to understand the humiliation she felt. She was trying to vocalise this.
Peppafrig · 05/12/2020 01:36

@Mummyoflittledragon I actually do have hidden disabilities so bang goes your theory .But I also know that my disability’s does not give me the right to use the one wheelchair trolley that they had in store when I was perfectly capable of using a regular trolley until my trolley coin wouldn’t work.

Crustmasiscoming · 05/12/2020 01:36

Definitely complain. This is one of those situations where a complaint would actually be really helpful, because that woman clearly needs some training on this and a complaint would give them the opportunity to do that so that this kind of thing wouldn't happen again.

Or they might just ignore it. But that's on them if they do...

ZoeTurtle · 05/12/2020 01:37

Unless you have hidden disabilities and struggle to walk around a shop like b&m, it is perhaps difficult to understand the humiliation she felt. She was trying to vocalise this.

I have an invisible disability that makes it hard to walk. I don't understand why the OP felt humiliated and I don't think the cashier did anything wrong.

Bahhhhhumbug · 05/12/2020 01:37

She didn't say disability is defined by a wheelchair, she simply used the term 'disabled' instead of 'wheelchair users' then she corrected herself but you went on to lecture her about the definition of disabled. She did not call you a liar at any point either or even suggest you were lying. The woman simply used the wrong word, maybe she went home upset about how you humiliated and treated her seeing as you seem to think, the queue were looking sympathetic to you and not her.. I would have felt sympathy for the cashier tbh.

Elderflower14 · 05/12/2020 01:46

Please complain... The staff member needs educating as to what the lanyard is for!

Peppafrig · 05/12/2020 01:47

That is comical elderflower do you think buying a lanyard online means that you can use the wheelchair adapted trolley when you don’t have a wheelchair ?

CoronaIsShit · 05/12/2020 01:49

Sorry OP I can’t see anything that warrants a complaint.

You can make one but hopefully it’ll be ignored and the poor shop assistant, stuck in a shit job on minimum wage in the run up to Christmas, will not be told off for telling you a wheelchair trolley is a wheelchair trolley and offering you help with your stuck trolley coin Hmm.

CaffeineInfusion · 05/12/2020 01:50

You can complain if you wish. But B&m have signs by the trolley bay stating that tokens do not fit their trollies.

I expect your letter will just get binned. And you now know to use a pound coin.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/12/2020 01:52

Bang goes your theory

I said perhaps you would find it difficult. And it was meant as a generalised statement. Ie Not specifically to you. And you’re still saying she expected the wheelchair trolley when she said no such thing.

@ZoeTurtle
As I said, I would have felt humiliated also. It took me about 7 years to apply for a blue badge because I didn’t want to be defined as disabled - complicated but to do with my (birth) family demeaning and defining me. Not for this thread.

CayrolBaaaskin · 05/12/2020 02:02

I think no good can come of complaining and like others I don’t think the shop assistant did anything wrong. Let it go and let a minimum wage employee have a decent Christmas.

GroundAlmonds · 05/12/2020 02:17

@AldiAisleofCrap

Those are special trolleys that clip onto wheelchairs. They are specifically for wheelchair users not for people with disabilities. Wheelchair users can’t use regular trolleys.
This.
aLilNonnyMouse · 05/12/2020 02:44

YABU if it was a wheelchair trolly. I've had to wait at the front of a shop for over an hour before as someone took the only wheelchair trolly and refused to swap to a normal one when the staff asked them. I'm unable to shop using a normal one. They look like the normal small ones but they don't have the handlebar along the front so are easily mistaken from an angle.

GroundAlmonds · 05/12/2020 02:54

MN really needs to start understanding the difference between adjustments for physical disabilities and policies to aid hidden disabilities. I have both and the confusion causes tremendous pain and inconvenience to the physically challenged.

GroundAlmonds · 05/12/2020 02:54

I’m fact, this surely must be a reverse.

mimi0708 · 05/12/2020 03:04

Hi OP,

The staff could have been more helpful in the first instance and maybe offer to release a trolley for you. Definitely write an email explaining that maybe staff needs more training regarding hidden disabilities.

wellthatsunusual · 05/12/2020 03:12

I don't see how she treated you as if you were lying. She said they were for wheelchair users, and you're not a wheelchair user. That doesn't mean she thinks you are lying about your disabilities, it just means that she observed that you are not a wheelchair user.

Peppafrig · 05/12/2020 03:15

The staff member was on a till MIMI with customers waiting she didn’t have time to just drop everything and go outside and release a trolley geez. Again are you suggesting that people with hidden disabilities are entitled to use a trolley that is adapted for wheelchair users ? It’s for people in wheelchairs it’s pretty simple. If you aren’t in a wheelchair you have no need for a wheelchair adapted trolley. It’s there for when someone in a wheelchair requires it .