Staff member at B and M humiliated me.

[Zoflorabore]

Hi. I don’t know if I’m being ultra sensitive here but I had an experience tonight which made me feel awful, embarrassed and angry.

I have a life limiting condition and several MH issues and struggle wearing a mask. Instead, I wear a hidden disabilities lanyard which I wear. I was with dd (9) and tried to get a trolley.

I had a trolley coin which got stuck so I went inside to ask for help. The lady on the first took had just finishing serving a customer so I first apologised for bothering her and asked if there was someone who could help with the trolleys.

She told me that they don’t accept the trolley coins and i spotted a trolley a little further along and asked if I could use that.

She told me no, they are only for people with disabilities, I then pointed to my hidden disabilities lanyard and told her that i do have a disability to which she replied “well they’re for people in a wheelchair”.

There were a few people in the queue. I told her that having a disability is not defined by being a wheelchair user. My daughter said “come on mum I will get a basket too and help you” I felt mortified. People in the queue looked sympathetic and the woman then said she would send someone out to get me my trolley coin and I told her not to bother. I struggled around the (huge) shop and gave up halfway round.

When I went to pay I asked the cashier if the first woman is a manager and she said she isn’t. I feel like complaining which isn’t something I’ve ever done in a shop but I think in this day and age especially, the staff member shouldn’t have treated me like I was lying.

Sorry that was bloody long!

But of course being empathetic does not mean that you can necessarily leave your till and solve a customers problem just like that.. Nor does it mean that the customer will like the answer the assistant gives however polite, factual, accurate or full of empathy it is.

Sometimes the assistant simply cannot win however hard they try.

she has no

1) awareness of hidden disabilities, which leads to

There is nothing that indicates that. Her language around the trolley was clunky, but she clarified she meant it was only for use by those in wheelchairs, it doesn't mean she considers those in chairs to be the only people who are disabled.

2) complete lack of at least some of the task orientations around which her job is based

She was sat serving customers on the till, it seems she was more than aware that she was not able to just abandon the till, and a queue of customers just because someone thought they were more important and needed immediate help, over those who had been waiting.

3) a lack of commonsense

Not sure what indicates that, she offered to get someone to help and OP said no and found someone themselves (which would have been the best choice to start with).

4) inability to prioritise need in a given scenario

The priority was to serve those who had been waiting in the queue, rather than abandoning them to help someone who had pushed in.

5) lack of patience

Sounds like she was quite patient actually...

6) lack of empathy

How did she show a lack of empathy? She was between customers, she clarified what she meant in regards to the disability comment, and offered help.

Of course disability discrimination exists and some people are very narrow minded, but honestly the core of this is that the coin got stuck meaning the OP could not get a trolley. Yes it was needed to make the shopping accessible, but help was offered.

@Putthegasfireon

No its because she has no 1) awareness of hidden disabilities, which leads to 2) complete lack of at least some of the task orientations around which her job is based 3) a lack of commonsense 4) inability to prioritise need in a given scenario 5) lack of patience 6) lack of empathy

In all probability the cashier couldn't leave the till. That's not 'an inability to prioritise', that what she'll have been told to do by management plus her priorities are to serve the people in the queue not someone who wanders up asking about trollies, hidden disability, visible disability or not. Plus she offered to get someone to help the OP, but OP refused.

As for patience and empathy, maybe you could try it and put yourself in the shoes of someone like the cashier who's doing a thankless task for little money? Your attitude towards people on minimum wage stinks.

Absolutely agree. For a kick-off, she didn't 'humiliate' the OP - that's patently nonsense. And the depth of strategic, operational and empathetic response a busy NMW employee is supposed to have shown a woman who responded quite childishly to her efforts, is bloody crazy.

"It did mean there was sometimes corned beef on the reduced shelf too."

What did you want them to do op?

I think this is just 'one of those things'.

Yes, the cashiers terminology was incorrect, but she did rectify this. But, the cashier also had a queue of customers to serve and it wasn't the sort of problem that the cashier could rectify themselves right at that very moment.

Your disability is irrelevant though, you wanted the staff member to get you a trolley despite seeing she had a queue of people to serve. Did you expect her to close the till to get you a trolley? Staff would never get anything done if they had to keep shutting the check out to get trolleys for people who don't have £1!

As for patience and empathy, maybe you could try it and put yourself in the shoes of someone like the cashier who's doing a thankless task for little money? Your attitude towards people on minimum wage stinks.

No your attitude, which seems to be based on some notion that work output and effort should correlate to one's pay is rubbish, and precisely the reason why people in low waged jobs get treated like shit by those who think they are special because they earn more. No one respects it because they perceive that those people take no pride in their work and society doesn't respect it leading to a vicious circle of 'why bother'.

I don't need lecturing on how tough it is scrimping on a minimum wage while taking flack from joe public. I worked retail on and off for 20 odd years thanks. And I can tell you that there are always people you end up either covering for, have to do their work for, or receive the backlash for them not bothering to treat people with basic diplomacy for. Always. Because they have 'im only getting paid pitteance so why should I be asked' attitudes like yours.

In fact is it precisely because I know how I have treated customers while doing my job that I don't accept rubbish service. And dealing with disabilities is a basic.

@Besom

I'm not sure if complaining about this worker will do much to change things -would probably just make them resentful and entrench any unhelpful attitudes. You could do a more general e-mail 'Dear manager I recently had an experience which led me to believe that your staff do not understand about hidden disabilities and I suggest it would be helpful for customer relations to seek some training on the matter etc'

What do you (and others saying similar) think the cashier needs to know about invisible disabilities? All that was relevant in this situation is that the OP isn't a wheelchair user, which was obvious.

Why on earth does this thread warrant an admin warning?

notprude that was uncalled for! Just because a shop isn’t somewhere like Waitrose doesn’t mean they don’t care about customer service! I work at The Range & customers are always remarking on how helpful & upbeat our staff are. I actually think your post was quite snobbish.

Are people aware the lanyards are available everywhere!?? Free

Anyone can wear one and say ‘I’m disabled’

Those of us working in retail will see this and know full well most wear them to excuse themselves from wearing masks!!

Remember people with true disabilities had to fight to get where they are today...... then along come the fraudsters

@IndecentFeminist

Why on earth does this thread warrant an admin warning?

Just seen that. Utterly bizarre.

At my B&M they have massive signs saying the trolleys only accept £1 coins...

@mrsshelton, I hope you're not implying that the OP is somehow a fraudster? I think she may have got it wrong in this instance, but you don't have to need a wheelchair to be 'the true disabled'.

@IndecentFeminist

Why on earth does this thread warrant an admin warning?

The odd thing is the HQ message doesn't seem to fit with anything that's been said either.

I suspect the sympathetic look from those in the queue were at the checkout operator rather than OP.

My local store was absolutely rammed and I'm guessing there is a constant queue at every till all day. Those waiting in the queue would have seen OP interrupt, ask for a wheelchair trolley, then turn down an offer of getting help when realistically the till and queue waiting on it cannot be left and calling for help would be the only thing possible for her to do. It just sounds quite entitled.

@IndecentFeminist

Why on earth does this thread warrant an admin warning?

There have been some pretty unpleasant posts on the thread attacking OP in effect for the crime of querying whether she could use the trolley set aside for disabled people when she herself has hidden disabilities. The wilful refusal by some people to accept that OP, who was actually there, knew what she had seen and how the assistant spoke to her is pretty nasty anyway, but it is exacerbated by the fact that they know she has a life limiting illness and mental health difficulties.

In fairness, neither the people on this thread, or the staff in B&M knew any of the above without ASing the OP. (Which I've just done as I couldn't understand the relevance of what the HQ post about children was about) I guess for HQ to have posted using the wording they have it was the OP herself who contacted them (or else they looked up her posting history too)

And, sorry to be pedantic, but the OP didn't ask if she could use the trolley for disabled shoppers because she has hidden disabilities. In her own words- she asked if she could use the trolley, which she hadn't noticed was for physically disabled customers, was told it was (for physically disabled customers) and then said she had hidden disabilities. Not quite the same.

I do agree some people have been wilfully unpleasant. And those posts should definitely be deleted.

But not every situation is offensive. No matter how hard we try and make it so.

The b&m staff did wrong assuming you had no disabilities, and then she was not fast at correcting it when you pointed at your lanyard OP.
I hope you are feeling better now, more calm.
I think you should have accepted when she finally said she would get someone to sort the trolley for you. Or insisted on getting the disable trolley you were pointing at. Stand your ground. Do not let embarrassment to cause you struggle in a shop. It is the other person who should be embarrassed for failing to be of any help and a bit thick. Next time, keep calm, ask what you need, be insistent. Do not struggle across a shop floor again.

Can't see what the shop assistant did wrong here.

"The b&m staff did wrong assuming you had no disabilities,"

Well yes, she should just have said that they are the type of trolleys that attach to a wheelchair.