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Original poster

Staff member at B and M humiliated me.

252 replies

Zoflorabore · 04/12/2020 23:29

Hi. I don’t know if I’m being ultra sensitive here but I had an experience tonight which made me feel awful, embarrassed and angry.

I have a life limiting condition and several MH issues and struggle wearing a mask. Instead, I wear a hidden disabilities lanyard which I wear. I was with dd (9) and tried to get a trolley.

I had a trolley coin which got stuck so I went inside to ask for help. The lady on the first took had just finishing serving a customer so I first apologised for bothering her and asked if there was someone who could help with the trolleys.

She told me that they don’t accept the trolley coins and i spotted a trolley a little further along and asked if I could use that.

She told me no, they are only for people with disabilities, I then pointed to my hidden disabilities lanyard and told her that i do have a disability to which she replied “well they’re for people in a wheelchair”.

There were a few people in the queue. I told her that having a disability is not defined by being a wheelchair user. My daughter said “come on mum I will get a basket too and help you” I felt mortified. People in the queue looked sympathetic and the woman then said she would send someone out to get me my trolley coin and I told her not to bother. I struggled around the (huge) shop and gave up halfway round.

When I went to pay I asked the cashier if the first woman is a manager and she said she isn’t. I feel like complaining which isn’t something I’ve ever done in a shop but I think in this day and age especially, the staff member shouldn’t have treated me like I was lying.

Sorry that was bloody long!

OP posts:
SlippersForFlippers · 05/12/2020 19:37

I'm also saying that the person on the till would get someone else to help the person pushing in and the person on the till carries on serving the queue.

Where I worked we had lights on the tills so in that situation, I'd have said to the OP I'll get some one over to help and put the light on and carried on serving my queue. When my colleague appeared I'd have said this customer needs assistant and they would have helped her.

Aloethere · 05/12/2020 19:56

Actually all the cashier said is that the trolleys don’t accept tokens and didn’t offer any further assistance at that point.

Did you ask for change at that point? Surely if you would have said oh, thanks can you give me a pound coin then and handed her a fiver or whatever she would have helped? I'm not in the UK so maybe it works differently there but that's how it works here. What help did you want at that point? I thought it was up to the customer to have the money for the trolley and if you don't have it you get it.

diddl · 05/12/2020 20:13

[quote Peppafrig]@diddl it is very much not par of the course that cashiers deal with other customers anywhere I have ever worked. Infact if your on till you aren’t even allowed to go to the toilet without getting a replacement . I’m sure you would be happy to stand in a queue and just as you get to the front the cashier disappears out the front of a shop to start messing around with trolleys. Then again someone else comes up with another problem so off they go again to help them. Sure you wouldn’t mind . Maybe in little shops the cashier deals with other jobs at the same time but not in December in B&M. The cashier done all she could and offered to get someone to help.[/quote]
Sorry, I didn't mean that they should disappear, just see if they can help & call for help if they can't.

Sometimes there are no other staff to ask.

Depends on the shop, obviously.

diddl · 05/12/2020 20:15

[quote SlippersForFlippers]@diddl it's par for the course for a cashier to call some one else to help customers who come to the till like OP, but not for the cashier to leave the till especially when they have people in the queue. [/quote]
Yes sorry, that's what I meant.

moraymint · 05/12/2020 20:16

I'm struggling to see what she did wrong. If it was a trolley for wheelchair users they are for wheelchair users. She also offered a solution in getting someone else to help you but you refused. That was your choice

user1471526938 · 05/12/2020 20:26

"the whole attitude she had though. She was horrible. There were much younger staff on the other tills and I wrongly assumed she was a
manager."

So you also make presumptions on someone's appearance.

Al1langdownthecleghole · 05/12/2020 20:35

OP you made a misjudgment. But Please don't think about this for a moment longer ThanksI'm certain no one else will.

Your expectations of the cashier were misplaced, and I suspect you misunderstood that the trolley was adapted for people who use wheelchairs, but do you know what? That cashier will have had far ruder customers than you today.

Let it go and enjoy your evening

Peppafrig · 05/12/2020 20:43

Ok far to invested but I have a family member who works in there and I just called her and she said there is one trolley for wheelchair users that is in kept in stores by the tills. It’s kept there separate so people getting the regular trolleys don’t take it . They also only have wheelchair trolleys and regular ones. So it was clearly the one adapted wheelchair trolley that each store has. Some of the bigger stores have two of these but most only one .

Plus OP how do you know the shop assistant isn’t always grumpy looking as she herself is suffering from a hidden disability. Maybe she is in constant pain you don’t know. You shouldn’t judge her either .

sixpencenonethepoorer · 05/12/2020 21:09

@user1471526938

"the whole attitude she had though. She was horrible. There were much younger staff on the other tills and I wrongly assumed she was a manager."

So you also make presumptions on someone's appearance.

Jeez 🙄 give me strength!
sneakysnoopysniper · 05/12/2020 22:06

Perhaps the OP did not realise that there are certain trolleys only meant for wheelchair users. Its been over 10 years since I was in a supermarket - horrendous places. Last time I went there were big trolleys, smaller ones, and trolleys with seats for kids. That was it.

Wrenna · 05/12/2020 22:28

I think the shop person should have offered a solution for securing a cart when she learned of the OP’s disability. She offered to get help to retrieve the token but if I understand correctly the issue wasn’t the jammed token it wasn’t having a cart to use. The shop person should have organized that somehow even if it meant op had to wait.

MichelleScarn · 05/12/2020 22:45

@Wrenna

I think the shop person should have offered a solution for securing a cart when she learned of the OP’s disability. She offered to get help to retrieve the token but if I understand correctly the issue wasn’t the jammed token it wasn’t having a cart to use. The shop person should have organized that somehow even if it meant op had to wait.
She did. From the OP the woman then said she would send someone out to get me my trolley coin and I told her not to bother.
Wrenna · 05/12/2020 23:09

No, I said to get help in securing the op a cart. She offered to get the stuck token back, not to help op get a cart she could shop with.

Retiremental · 05/12/2020 23:27

@Wrenna

No, I said to get help in securing the op a cart. She offered to get the stuck token back, not to help op get a cart she could shop with.
The Ops daughter was with her.....
whatshalliget · 05/12/2020 23:50

To be honest this thread has upset me more than last night. Some of the comments have been uncalled for.

@Zoflorabore I would ask MNHQ to pull the thread - make a note of the kind / neutral comments that you want to remember and mentally and literally dump the rest.

winewolfhowls · 06/12/2020 08:17

Regardless of the actual issue at the time, being spoken to with an unkind or impatient tone is upsetting so I'm sorry your day was spoiled by this incident.
In an ideal world the assistant would have been less frantic at her till and would have noticed that you may have been more likely to be struggling. Generally, asking people at the tills won't help you, it's better to seek out someone on the shop floor. I'm glad you had such a lovely kind relative with you who offered to help.

Ineedaduvetday · 06/12/2020 08:34

Generally, asking people at the tills won't help you, it's better to seek out someone on the shop floor.

I agree. Used to drive me mad when people could see we were rushed off out feet at the tills but tried to interrupt us to ask for help. There are staff on the shop floor!

diddl · 06/12/2020 09:07

"There are staff on the shop floor!"

Well not always, otherwise customers wouldn't be asking at the till!

littlebitupset · 06/12/2020 10:15

I've reread the original post again and still don't get what the OP expected the shop to do differently.

The trolley wasn't for someone with her disability and the shop assistant offered to get someone to help her get a suitable trolley but OP said no.

What was the alternative? What could they have done differently?

NoYouBloodyArent · 06/12/2020 10:54

I have just gone back and reread your OP, OP.

You say that the assistant treated you as if you were lying, how do you think she did that?

From your own words she didn't say you didn't have a disability (which would have been accusing you of lying), she just said that the trolley you pointed at wasn't for people with your specific disabilities (which it genuinely wasn't), so where did she act as if you were lying?

I ask, specifically, because I had a similar situation with a customer, who when I answered her question (truthfully, and politely) simply exploded at me and accused me of accusing her of all sorts of things that I hadn't actually done.

She was undoubtedly extremely stressed (as was I, being screamed at and accused in public), but the truth is that her perception of the situation and what I had actually said was clouded by her stress and her reaction to that. I think, truthfully, looking back that anything I said would have triggered her, because that is where she was at personally at that moment.

Is there any chance that your intense emotions may have clouded how you are seeing things?

KatherineJaneway · 06/12/2020 15:06

Well not always, otherwise customers wouldn't be asking at the till!

There often are, they can't be arsed to look for them!!!!

Elfieishere · 06/12/2020 17:13

@KatherineJaneway

Well not always, otherwise customers wouldn't be asking at the till!

There often are, they can't be arsed to look for them!!!!

Agreed. It’s just laziness as the tills are closer.
Neotraditional · 08/12/2020 23:12

@sneakysnoopysniper

I believe in always complaining when someone in a service position speaks disrespectfully to me or someone with me. They obviously need further training.

My nephew goes shopping in Asda with his carer. He has a hidden disability and balance issues. His carer does all the heavy lifting and bending according to what nephew wants. However the carer is ADHD and cant be relied upon to bring back the correct items so they shop as a "team". Nephew does the brain work and carer does the heavy stuff.

I wont go into detail but an assistant was extremely rude and rebuked him for shopping with someone with him - called nephew a "silly old fart" within his hearing. Carer took a photo of the assistant on his phone. Nephew did not want to complain but I emailed the CEO executive team on his behalf with photo attached and cited the incident. He received £20 in vouchers and a deeply apologetic message with the assurance that the assistant in question would receive "further training" in disability issues.

He has been into the supermarket several times since and not seen the assistant in question. He says he feels bad in case she got dismissed. I told him she would not be dismissed for one incident but if there had been others similar she could have been on a final warning. In that case there are plenty of unemployed people who would be glad of the work and knew how to treat disabled people with the same respect they show to others.

You sound like a nasty, smug individual. How self-important to complain about an incident you were not involved in, and taking photographs of people without their permission! Angry
AdobeWanKenobi · 08/12/2020 23:24

@SlippersForFlippers

I don't think b n m has a customer service desk!
Yes, it does. It doubles up as the tobacco /alcohol counter!
CorianderQueen · 09/12/2020 09:49

Why did you say no to being helped in the end? Cut off your nose to spite your face there...

Complain if you think she needs retraining

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