Staff member at B and M humiliated me.

[Zoflorabore]

Hi. I don’t know if I’m being ultra sensitive here but I had an experience tonight which made me feel awful, embarrassed and angry.

I have a life limiting condition and several MH issues and struggle wearing a mask. Instead, I wear a hidden disabilities lanyard which I wear. I was with dd (9) and tried to get a trolley.

I had a trolley coin which got stuck so I went inside to ask for help. The lady on the first took had just finishing serving a customer so I first apologised for bothering her and asked if there was someone who could help with the trolleys.

She told me that they don’t accept the trolley coins and i spotted a trolley a little further along and asked if I could use that.

She told me no, they are only for people with disabilities, I then pointed to my hidden disabilities lanyard and told her that i do have a disability to which she replied “well they’re for people in a wheelchair”.

There were a few people in the queue. I told her that having a disability is not defined by being a wheelchair user. My daughter said “come on mum I will get a basket too and help you” I felt mortified. People in the queue looked sympathetic and the woman then said she would send someone out to get me my trolley coin and I told her not to bother. I struggled around the (huge) shop and gave up halfway round.

When I went to pay I asked the cashier if the first woman is a manager and she said she isn’t. I feel like complaining which isn’t something I’ve ever done in a shop but I think in this day and age especially, the staff member shouldn’t have treated me like I was lying.

Sorry that was bloody long!

I work in retail and am one rude customer away from screaming fuck off at full blast.

I'm trying to work out which part you think was you being humiliated by the staff member?

I think this is just ridiculous. Just because you have a hidden disability doesn't mean you need to use a trolley specifically designed for wheelchair users. She doesn't need educating she was pointing out that those trolleys are for use for people with wheelchairs

Oh dear god this thread is horrible.

I did not for one minute “expect everyone to agree with me” and I acknowledged that I may have been ultra sensitive.. I’ve also said that I was wrong to ask for that trolley.

To clear up a few things- I was nowhere near the member of staff, well over 2 meters away and she herself wasn’t wearing a mask either but that’s not the issue here.

I could see down the whole of the first aisle and there were no members of staff to ask for help. She offered together someone to get my stuck coin out, not to get me a trolley. A young staff member did come and find me at the end of the first aisle and said he had tried to get the token out with what looked like a hair clip and i thanked him for trying.

That’s it. I’ve been here enough years to know that some posters love to make people feel like shit. I feel more sorry for those to be honest, I’m a nice person and despite having many flaws I don’t feel the need to be nasty to strangers on the internet. I’ve got nothing more to say.

There you go..... ‘looked like a hair clip’ insinuating he didn’t try hard enough?

No members of staff to help? No, skeleton staff running means that customers have to use some initiative and help themselves a bit! Maybe half the store were isolating or sick with covid!?

I have been served by the staff member in question many times before and she has quite an attitude. She is never friendly and I asked her because she was on the closest till.

So there is a history with her, and this was perhaps the final straw for you? I think the trouble is B&M is a cheaper store and in order to make those kind of savings, the store will cut corners. That means staff are likely quite harrassed and busy.

Personally I don't think I would complain. For many of the people in the queue they've probably just moved on and forgotten about it. For the cashier - well you say she has an attitude problem anyway, so this probably won't have changed things one way or another. Shop workers have now become frontline staff in a pandemic. None of them signed up for this so at the moment I'm inclined to cut them some slack.

But OP you posted a scenario and asked for people's opinions on it, you can't really get upset that some people disagree with you? If you find that upsetting, perhaps message boards aren't the right place. If she offered to get someone to try and get the coin out, I am sure they would have assisted with getting you a trolley as well, sounds a bit pedantic.

Op. I work in retail. And I appreciate that you aren't happy with your experience, but I think you are being a little unreasonable. You approached a lady on a checkouts. If her checkout is anything like mine then you simply cannot leave to help someone or to find someone to help, and often if it's busy we are stretched very thin and there simply isn't anyone available. Also, trust me when I say that retail staff are experiencing hell this year. Everyone is extremely stressed at the moment, staff and customers alike, and quite frankly customers take it out on staff, forgetting that they are human and have feelings too. You may have been the last in a long line of people who weren't happy with her (which really gets to you, trust me), and maybe she didn't handle it as well as she should have. I don't think she humiliated you though, and I think you should be honest with yourself about that.

A few years back we complained about the state of the toilets at The Range. This was an email to head office, they weren't interested

I find that budget shops like Wilko, The Range, B&M, Poundland etc have no interest in customer service

Out of curiosity, are these NHS issued lanyards or are they self bought and self declared?

If the former then can understand staff training. If the latter, then I'm skeptical on the legitimacy of how you could train staff adequately.

Thanks to those who have reported this thread to us.

We'd just like to remind everyone we take a dim view of posts suggesting that it's wrong to implement measures that enable people with disabilities to live a full life. Such posts don't fit with Mumsnet's basic philosophy of support and advice for all parents. We also ask that you consider the challenges many parents of children with disabilities, or who have disabilities themselves, face on a daily basis.

Mumsnet exists to make parents' lives easier and if there's one thing we could all do with, it's some understanding and moral support. If you are concerned that a post is disablist, or otherwise breaking our talk guidelines, please report and we will look into it further.

Thank you.

Ignore the nasty comments OP. I have a hidden disability and I think you dealt with it well. I would have been much less accommodating of that sort of ignorance as I am no longer prepared to suffer pain because other people aren't educated on the simple fact that some people's disabilities aren't observable to the human eye. Complain most definitely and help others.

I also have worked in customer service roles many, many times often dealing with well heeled and entitled strata of society, and if you can't take the heat then don't do the bloody job! The problem especially with working in lower end retail is people automatically think they are qualified and suited to do the job because the tasks appear relatively unchallenging, but there are a lot of shit people working in it with zero patience, zero conflict resolution skills, and zero empathy and yes, joe public can be difficult, but you're there to make sure the manager DOESN'T get letters telling them they need to do basics like ensure staff apply commonsense by using customer service skills to resolve minor issues like the one you presented with.

My only advice to you would be this: Wearing the Lanyard or not, having a hidden disability means you have to be mentally prepared that when you leave your house you COULD at any time be challenged and you have to have a list of scenarios in your head as to how you would deal with them and be prepared to speak up for yourself. It seems you were caught out a bit here. Not that it should be your responsibility, but scenarios like that will just happen, and I'm afraid it will again. Forearmed is forewarned.

Have a nice of tea and treat yourself x

I really feel for retail staff at the moment. Christmas is horrendous for shop workers without the added stress of a pandemic on top. It doesn't sound like the assistant did anything wrong. I really don't understand the thinking behind customers approaching someone on a busy till, expecting them to drop everything and ignore a queue to sort out their problem IMMEDIATELY. If the assistant had an attitude, it's probably because she was already stressed to fuck but of course she should have just left all that to see to you.

And if it's B&M, chances are she was working all through lockdown for minimum as well. So yeah, go ahead and complain. Let's make life even harder for people who are already at the end of their tether and on their last nerve.

Perhaps if you wanted a trolley fetching you should have offered a coin if you had one?

If you need a trolley to shop, then you do & trying with baskets wasn't going to work.

Had no idea that some trolleys don't take tokens though!

The problem especially with working in lower end retail is people automatically think they are qualified and suited to do the job because the tasks appear relatively unchallenging, but there are a lot of shit people working in it with zero patience, zero conflict resolution skills, and zero empathy and yes, joe public can be difficult, but you're there to make sure the manager DOESN'T get letters telling them they need to do basics like ensure staff apply commonsense by using customer service skills to resolve minor issues like the one you presented with

Common sense apparently doesn't apply to customers though, does it? Common sense would have told the OP to find someone who wasn't on the till to deal with her problem.

. I would have been much less accommodating of that sort of ignorance as I am no longer prepared to suffer pain because other people aren't educated on the simple fact that some people's disabilities aren't observable to the human eye.

What applies to that in this scenario?

Customers aren't being paid.

@CatherineOfAragonsPomegranate

Customers aren't being paid.

🤣🤣🤣

The same applies.

If you want Harrods level customer service, shop at Harrods.

All she would be able to do is get some one else to help. She won't be allowed to leave the till with a queue.

When I worked in a supermarket there would be occasions where it would have been quicker for me to leave the till to help a customer but the queue and till security took priority. The person needing help would have to wait for some one else to come and help whether they were disabled or not.

The person that tried to help you maybe had been able to get a trolley released before with a hair clip, maybe that's why he used it? The trolley assistants where I worked usually had a key off a corned beef tin of all things on their key ring, it just so happened that they would fit in and release a trolley and then come out again.

"a key off a corned beef tin".

Amazing!

I think that Yale keys work as well.

If the assistant had an attitude, it's probably because she was already stressed to fuck but of course she should have just left all that to see to you.

No its because she has no 1) awareness of hidden disabilities, which leads to 2) complete lack of at least some of the task orientations around which her job is based 3) a lack of commonsense 4) inability to prioritise need in a given scenario 5) lack of patience 6) lack of empathy

Stop applying halos and victim status to everyone who does a so called menial job. Because believe me, there are many people who take great effort, pride and sincerity in the most humble of jobs and they stand out a mile. Many people right now would bite that cashiers hand off for a reliable job right now. If she can't manage to at least show empathy just because she's busy then she shouldn't be doing the job.

If you want Harrods level customer service, shop at Harrods.

Ah race to the bottom thinking I see. No point bothering then.

@diddl Yale keys used to work but you had to leave them in the trolley til you put them back. The corned beef key you could put in get the trolley out and then take the key out so the trolleys could be given to customers without a £1, token or house key in them! It did mean there was sometimes corned beef on the reduced shelf too.

No its because she has no 1) awareness of hidden disabilities, which leads to 2) complete lack of at least some of the task orientations around which her job is based 3) a lack of commonsense 4) inability to prioritise need in a given scenario 5) lack of patience 6) lack of empathy

In all probability the cashier couldn't leave the till. That's not 'an inability to prioritise', that what she'll have been told to do by management plus her priorities are to serve the people in the queue not someone who wanders up asking about trollies, hidden disability, visible disability or not. Plus she offered to get someone to help the OP, but OP refused.

As for patience and empathy, maybe you could try it and put yourself in the shoes of someone like the cashier who's doing a thankless task for little money? Your attitude towards people on minimum wage stinks.