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Original poster

Staff member at B and M humiliated me.

252 replies

Zoflorabore · 04/12/2020 23:29

Hi. I don’t know if I’m being ultra sensitive here but I had an experience tonight which made me feel awful, embarrassed and angry.

I have a life limiting condition and several MH issues and struggle wearing a mask. Instead, I wear a hidden disabilities lanyard which I wear. I was with dd (9) and tried to get a trolley.

I had a trolley coin which got stuck so I went inside to ask for help. The lady on the first took had just finishing serving a customer so I first apologised for bothering her and asked if there was someone who could help with the trolleys.

She told me that they don’t accept the trolley coins and i spotted a trolley a little further along and asked if I could use that.

She told me no, they are only for people with disabilities, I then pointed to my hidden disabilities lanyard and told her that i do have a disability to which she replied “well they’re for people in a wheelchair”.

There were a few people in the queue. I told her that having a disability is not defined by being a wheelchair user. My daughter said “come on mum I will get a basket too and help you” I felt mortified. People in the queue looked sympathetic and the woman then said she would send someone out to get me my trolley coin and I told her not to bother. I struggled around the (huge) shop and gave up halfway round.

When I went to pay I asked the cashier if the first woman is a manager and she said she isn’t. I feel like complaining which isn’t something I’ve ever done in a shop but I think in this day and age especially, the staff member shouldn’t have treated me like I was lying.

Sorry that was bloody long!

OP posts:
midnightstar66 · 05/12/2020 09:00

Perhaps she was a bit rude but it sounds like a queue was building up, it can be quite stressful. She offered to get someone to help but you declined. She was right in that the one trolley that can be used by people using mobility devices shouldn't be used by someone able to walk, she just used the incorrect term the first time which is easy done. I'd not complain in this case. Fwiw those trolley tokens frequently don't work so it's always with keeping a couple of spare coins on you.

MrsBobDylan · 05/12/2020 09:02

Can people just tone down the aggressive responses?

It sounds as though the store member wasn't being particularly helpful. If she had replied: "those are for wheelchair users but I can help organise a trolley for you".

All shop staff are paid shit wages, not just in B&M. It doesn't mean they have to make a well-meaning customer feel humiliated. The staff in my B&M are very nice to me and my disabled son when we visit.

And good on the person who sent the pic of the SA who was rude to her nephew.

I know we all like to pretend that no one discriminated against people with disabilities but it just does happen. It actually happened to my son when he was 8 and in the queue for an ice cream on holiday - he was making a low groaning noise and after 15mins of waiting the guy ignored us and went to the person behind us. Unfortunately my French wasn't quite up to the level of insult he deserved.

Openalltheadvent · 05/12/2020 09:02

Sorry @SlippersForFlippers that was meant for @sneakysnoopysniper

Retiremental · 05/12/2020 09:03

The shop assistant didn’t actually do anything wrong. She pointed out that you weren’t entitled to use the wheelchair trolley and she offered to find someone to help you sort a regular trolley.

MrsShelton · 05/12/2020 09:12

That trolley will have been cleaned ready for a disabled customer

You are not disabled...... those lanyards are given out to anyone who wants one, unregulated

You went near her with no mask. And does not have to engage with you and why should she? You were told no. Move on, don’t add to the viral load she’s already exposed to

Customer entitlement is at an all time high right now..... what did you do before the lanyards were a thing?

HermioneWeasley · 05/12/2020 09:13

In the nicest possible way OP, I think your mental health issues may be lying to you. I don’t think your hidden disabilities have anything to do with this, as it’s not to do with mask wearing. You asked a cashier who was busy serving customers and can’t leave her till for help with your trolley coin. I’m not sure what you expected her to do given she can’t leave her till? She explained their trolleys don’t take those tokens - in her mind she’s resolved your issue. You then ask for a trolley which you’re not entitled to use, and she eventually twigs to the issue and says she’ll get someone to come and help you. Now maybe she was very rude in the way she said it, but I’ll bet she has targets on how quickly she gets customers through the checkouts, so possibly in her mind you are going to get her in trouble. I also wonder how close you were when you were speaking to her - if you didn’t maintain a strict 2m and weren’t wearing a mask, I can see why she might have been unimpressed. I’m sure you’ll tell us you were actually 5m away from her the whole time.

I’d let it go

MoreCookiesPlease · 05/12/2020 09:13

Sorry but YABU. Those wheelchairs she pointed out were for wheelchair users. They clip on to the wheelchair to allow wheelchair users to shop independently with a trolley.

Brunt0n · 05/12/2020 09:16

She offered to send someone to help you and you told her not to bother?
Don’t complain.

Meowchickameowmeow · 05/12/2020 09:16

You should have accepted her offer of getting someone to help you with a trolley, it was your choice to struggle I'm afraid.

Soontobe60 · 05/12/2020 09:21

Ive read through your post a couple of times and I do think you’ve over reacted. To summarise:
Your trolley coin got stuck
You asked a cashier on the till to help
She explained about not taking trolley coins
You asked to use the wheelchair trolley
She said its for disabled customers
You showed her your lanyard and pointed out you were disabled
She explained it was for those in wheelchairs only
She offered to send someone to sort you out a trolley
You declined and walked off with a basket
Presumably the cashier had a queue of people waiting at the checkout whilst you wanted her to sort out your trolley issue
You now want to complain.

TheSilentStars · 05/12/2020 09:21

@lurkingattheback

I think people are missing the point, who cares whether it was a wheelchair trolley or not. The staff member should have received training on hidden disabilities and helped find a solution discreetly without causing upset to the op.

I don't think there's much point complaining to the manager, as it would be their responsibility to ensure staff are trained and they probably have a similar attitude. I would email higher up (orDM) describing the event and suggest training, understanding and compassion is required.

The point being missed is by the OP and everyone on the thread homing in on the paragraph about lanyards and hidden disabilities when the thread is about the OP being told she shouldn't use a trolley meant for people with physical disabilities.

And yes, some hidden disabilities are physical. The OP seemed able to use a normal trolley until her token got stuck so that extrapolation isn't relevant either.

It's true that only the OP was there. But based on her own posts there was only one person in the wrong and it wasn't the cashier.

Mind you, the "the OP didn't do that/say that/want that" posts make me wonder if half of MN was in the same B&M given they seem to know more about events than the OP herself.

TheChristmasPrincess · 05/12/2020 09:22

I don’t think those types of trolleys can be used by non-wheelchair users so she was correct in that aspect.

However she could have been more helpful and sympathetic towards you. I would contact the store but wait until you calm down. Try not to accuse but state that you had an issue and you feel some staff retraining in regards to customer disability might be beneficial (especially in regards to hidden disabilities). I would be mortified if I heard a colleague talk to a customer like that!

Livelifetotheful · 05/12/2020 09:23

Feedback nec to help her to be a better person . If you don’t want to point the finger it might be possible to give feedback to manager saying just “one of your staff... , I’d prefer not to get an individual in trouble ....etc” sending a hug x

MobLife · 05/12/2020 09:25

What are your disabilities OP?

Ughmaybenot · 05/12/2020 09:26

@Soontobe60

Ive read through your post a couple of times and I do think you’ve over reacted. To summarise: Your trolley coin got stuck You asked a cashier on the till to help She explained about not taking trolley coins You asked to use the wheelchair trolley She said its for disabled customers You showed her your lanyard and pointed out you were disabled She explained it was for those in wheelchairs only She offered to send someone to sort you out a trolley You declined and walked off with a basket Presumably the cashier had a queue of people waiting at the checkout whilst you wanted her to sort out your trolley issue You now want to complain.
This sums it up for me, you absolutely did overreact. It’s not really a big deal tho, she offered to come and help and you turned it down (in a huffy way by the sounds of it!) which really was just cutting your nose off to spite your Dave tbh. Don’t complain, I think you’d be right to just move on (and as you’ve already said, have a pound coin ready next time!)
Ughmaybenot · 05/12/2020 09:26

To spite your face obviously, leave poor Dave out of this Grin

AnnnaBananna · 05/12/2020 09:28

YABU. You wouldn’t ask to use the wheelchair lift despite having a hidden disability - you’re able to use the ordinary lift. And you probably wouldn’t use the disabled loo because you’re able to access the ordinary loo. Ditto you shouldn’t be using a wheelchair trolley - you’re able to use an ordinary trolley. I don’t see a problem with the assistant not letting you use a trolley that’s specifically for people with a disability you don’t have.

Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 09:28

i think you were pioneering the hidden disability somewhat op - if you want to email the store go for it, but your example doesnt quite fit, you were offered a trolley, you didnt like her attitude.

diddl · 05/12/2020 09:29

@Roussette

I feel sorry for shop staff.

The assistant in question tried to help and was turned down. And now she's at fault?
Shop staff can't win.

It comes across like that to me as well.

Being lectured about not all disabilities needing a wheelchair, after she had corrected herself & it was obvious that she meant that the trolley was one which attaches to a wheelchair!

Then Op telling het "not to bother" when she offers to send someone to get the trolley coin.

That was rude!

MrsShelton · 05/12/2020 09:29

Do you expect to be allowed to use the disabled toilet too?

And park in spaces designed for disability?

MrsShelton · 05/12/2020 09:32

Retail staff are getting the brunt of it.... pretty much the whole year has been rude customers ,off the scale at times!

I’m glad staff are pushing back a bit

IndecentFeminist · 05/12/2020 09:53

Disabled toilets are a different ball game, fair to use for anyone with accessibility needs.

IndecentFeminist · 05/12/2020 09:53

Or other health issues

Sonofapizzaman · 05/12/2020 09:53

It had to be one of those trollies because surely people in wheelchairs would be unable to use the other kind of trolley. I’m with the cashier here.

Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 09:58

@MrsShelton

Retail staff are getting the brunt of it.... pretty much the whole year has been rude customers ,off the scale at times!

I’m glad staff are pushing back a bit

she wasnt pushing back, she offered to help