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Original poster

Staff member at B and M humiliated me.

252 replies

Zoflorabore · 04/12/2020 23:29

Hi. I don’t know if I’m being ultra sensitive here but I had an experience tonight which made me feel awful, embarrassed and angry.

I have a life limiting condition and several MH issues and struggle wearing a mask. Instead, I wear a hidden disabilities lanyard which I wear. I was with dd (9) and tried to get a trolley.

I had a trolley coin which got stuck so I went inside to ask for help. The lady on the first took had just finishing serving a customer so I first apologised for bothering her and asked if there was someone who could help with the trolleys.

She told me that they don’t accept the trolley coins and i spotted a trolley a little further along and asked if I could use that.

She told me no, they are only for people with disabilities, I then pointed to my hidden disabilities lanyard and told her that i do have a disability to which she replied “well they’re for people in a wheelchair”.

There were a few people in the queue. I told her that having a disability is not defined by being a wheelchair user. My daughter said “come on mum I will get a basket too and help you” I felt mortified. People in the queue looked sympathetic and the woman then said she would send someone out to get me my trolley coin and I told her not to bother. I struggled around the (huge) shop and gave up halfway round.

When I went to pay I asked the cashier if the first woman is a manager and she said she isn’t. I feel like complaining which isn’t something I’ve ever done in a shop but I think in this day and age especially, the staff member shouldn’t have treated me like I was lying.

Sorry that was bloody long!

OP posts:
Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 08:34

however a trolley coin and a pound coin should surely be interchangeable?

lurkingattheback · 05/12/2020 08:34

I think people are missing the point, who cares whether it was a wheelchair trolley or not. The staff member should have received training on hidden disabilities and helped find a solution discreetly without causing upset to the op.

I don't think there's much point complaining to the manager, as it would be their responsibility to ensure staff are trained and they probably have a similar attitude. I would email higher up (orDM) describing the event and suggest training, understanding and compassion is required.

Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 08:35

but the op doesnt need a special trolley

Roussette · 05/12/2020 08:38

Lots of trolleys don't accept tokens, I just don't know what the problem is here.
The staff in question offered to send someone over to help and the OP told her not to bother.
End of the story really

Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 08:39

whether or not op has a hidden disability which did not require a special trolley, she asked for help, which eventually was offered, but did not like the way she was spoken to.

that is an everyday story for 70% of people in shops op. accept it, perhaps she was under stress, and i agree about the lack of mask causing her anxiety. however she offer to help you
what are you looking for?

pictish · 05/12/2020 08:40

“I think people are missing the point, who cares whether it was a wheelchair trolley or not. The staff member should have received training on hidden disabilities and helped find a solution discreetly without causing upset to the op.”

Causing upset to the OP? By saying the trolley is for people in wheelchairs?
With the best will in the world, if facts upset the OP then the OP needs to work on her resilience.

Cygne · 05/12/2020 08:40

@Skipsurvey

but the op doesnt need a special trolley
She needed a trolley. She saw one available. She suggested she might use it. The assistant said it was only for people with disabilities; she didn't say it was a specially adapted trolley, it didn't look like one to OP, and the assistant might have meant that for some reason they reserve, say, smaller trolleys for people with disabilities. OP pointed out that she had a disability, the response suggested the assistant thought only people in wheelchairs had disabilities. OP was there and saw the trolley in question, I can't see why all these people who didn't see it are so desperate to say she must be wrong about what she saw and to attack her. And, given her MH difficulties, to be honest I find it pretty unnecessary and despicable.
Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 08:42

how can people know about op's hidden disabilities?

Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 08:43

op i think you are fighting the wrong battle, and agree you need to develop resilience to future situations

Cygne · 05/12/2020 08:44

@Skipsurvey

how can people know about op's hidden disabilities?
The lanyard was a bit of a clue.
Roussette · 05/12/2020 08:44

I feel sorry for shop staff.

The assistant in question tried to help and was turned down. And now she's at fault?
Shop staff can't win.

Lovemusic33 · 05/12/2020 08:45

Retail workers are so run off their feet at the moment, I do feel sorry for them, most are on minimum wage and working long hours and with covid on top of Christmas it must be very stressful.

If it was a trolly for a wheelchair user (which it sounds like it was) then she was right to refuse to let you use it, she explained that it was for wheelchair users, yes you have a disability but not one that stops you using a regular trolly?

I don’t understand why you couldn’t just find another trolly or wait for one to become available? Yes they could have directed you to one but I’m sure they were probably very busy.

Elfieishere · 05/12/2020 08:45

[quote Fieldofyellowflowers]@Elfieishere

If it's anything like the B&M near me, there is never anyone on the shop floor to ask.[/quote]
In the various B&M near me there is always staff on the floor.
Most B&Ms are huge. They can’t just have 4 odd check out staff so there is other staff. You have to actually look for them.

Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 08:46

the lanyard was a clue to nothing

Roussette · 05/12/2020 08:46

The lanyard could well have been hidden by a coat. Loads of people where lanyards for other reasons. The OP pointed out she had hidden disabilities and the assistant offered help and help was refused.

staydazzling · 05/12/2020 08:47

Oh god! so sorry you had to deal with that, B&M is sadly the worst customer service i have ever come across,
Once year around Christmas time a checkout lady was telling a new starter to actively stop people coming in with 20 mins til closing time because she "wasn't getting home at 20 to 7 again," Hmm manager wasn't impressed, how she wasn't sacked on the spot ill never know.
I bought a discounted character lunchbox for my DS there, someone came to check the price and said, infront of me!, its not a surprise who would buy this shit! Angry it wasn't damaged at all just an unusual design! Shock
But, yeah I've noticed its pretty bad.

Elfieishere · 05/12/2020 08:47

@lurkingattheback

I think people are missing the point, who cares whether it was a wheelchair trolley or not. The staff member should have received training on hidden disabilities and helped find a solution discreetly without causing upset to the op.

I don't think there's much point complaining to the manager, as it would be their responsibility to ensure staff are trained and they probably have a similar attitude. I would email higher up (orDM) describing the event and suggest training, understanding and compassion is required.

While dealing with a queue of customers tht needed serving and were there first that the OP Interrupted anyway?

What was she meant to do.. leave the till and tend to the OP personally. The member of staff offered someone else to help her and the OP said no. That’s her own problem.

madcatladyforever · 05/12/2020 08:51

I used to get the rage about people asking me what disability I have. I have acute spinal problems and no feeling whatsoever in my legs and feet so I fall easily. I still manage to work fulltime as I can sit to do my NHS job, standing for long periods is impossible.
Getting angry doesn't work. I've stopped doing that.
instead I'll send a letter in to all of the shops I frequent asking them to educate themselves about invisible disabilities (I look as normal as the next person) and discussing my beef with them in a rational manner.
As soon as you lose your temper you lose the argument however frustrating it is.

Backbee · 05/12/2020 08:51

The staff member should have received training on hidden disabilities and helped find a solution discreetly without causing upset to the op.

What do you suggest? The member of staff couldn't just leave her till, it would also not be possible to just slip her a £1 coin from the till. They offered to call someone for help but OP said no. I'm struggling to see what else they could have done to immediately help with the trolley.

Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 08:52

when i didnt have a coin for the trolley i couldnt find staff in asda to help, it was not solved quickly, it was frustrating,
in waitrose however they simply said come to the desk and we will help you open a trolley,

different places, different training. B & M, December, in a pandemic, also different training, but Not an issue unless you make it op.

Besom · 05/12/2020 08:52

I'm not sure if complaining about this worker will do much to change things -would probably just make them resentful and entrench any unhelpful attitudes. You could do a more general e-mail 'Dear manager I recently had an experience which led me to believe that your staff do not understand about hidden disabilities and I suggest it would be helpful for customer relations to seek some training on the matter etc'

SlippersForFlippers · 05/12/2020 08:53

@openalltheadvent I think you've tagged the wrong poster. I don't have any nephew's.

Elfieishere · 05/12/2020 08:54

@Cygne

well they’re for people in a wheelchair”

That doesn’t suggest the shop worker only thinks people in wheelchairs Are disabled. She used the incorrect terminology to start and when OP carried on about her disability she corrected herself and said it was for a wheelchair user.

She needed a trolley, she should of found a member of staff that was actually available to help and not already serving a queue of customers but instead she went off in a huff refusing the help the shop keeper offered when she offered to get another member if staff and then left the store anyway.

Besom · 05/12/2020 08:55

Not suggesting direct complaints zhould not be made - just think in this case it may not help

Figgygal · 05/12/2020 09:00

Sorry it sounds like you came in from behind in between her serving customers is that right? Sorry if that’s the case I’m not surprised she didn’t fall over herself to sort it for you she offered to get someone for you you refused. I don’t think she did anything wrong I’m afraid.
Honestly who goes up to a member of staff on a till with a queue of people and expect instant help with a trolley that’s outside?