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Original poster

Staff member at B and M humiliated me.

252 replies

Zoflorabore · 04/12/2020 23:29

Hi. I don’t know if I’m being ultra sensitive here but I had an experience tonight which made me feel awful, embarrassed and angry.

I have a life limiting condition and several MH issues and struggle wearing a mask. Instead, I wear a hidden disabilities lanyard which I wear. I was with dd (9) and tried to get a trolley.

I had a trolley coin which got stuck so I went inside to ask for help. The lady on the first took had just finishing serving a customer so I first apologised for bothering her and asked if there was someone who could help with the trolleys.

She told me that they don’t accept the trolley coins and i spotted a trolley a little further along and asked if I could use that.

She told me no, they are only for people with disabilities, I then pointed to my hidden disabilities lanyard and told her that i do have a disability to which she replied “well they’re for people in a wheelchair”.

There were a few people in the queue. I told her that having a disability is not defined by being a wheelchair user. My daughter said “come on mum I will get a basket too and help you” I felt mortified. People in the queue looked sympathetic and the woman then said she would send someone out to get me my trolley coin and I told her not to bother. I struggled around the (huge) shop and gave up halfway round.

When I went to pay I asked the cashier if the first woman is a manager and she said she isn’t. I feel like complaining which isn’t something I’ve ever done in a shop but I think in this day and age especially, the staff member shouldn’t have treated me like I was lying.

Sorry that was bloody long!

OP posts:
Joeblack066 · 05/12/2020 03:17

@NotPrude

Hmm can’t quite see what she did wrong tbh... I have hidden disabilities. I don’t wear a lanyard to let people know but I carry around my notes in case I need it. I would never think of taking a trolley intended for wheelchair uses just because I have a disability.

It’s clear she meant that’s for people in a wheelchair when she said disabilities and when you challenged that, she clarified for wheelchairs. Don’t think that was discriminatory against you at all.

I’m sure she had a tone and was rude but it was B&M, not Waitrose...they’re not fussed about customer service in places like that.

Your comment was very rational until the last paragraph. How very patronising and rude. The staff in my local B&M are lovely. Don’t be such a snob.
Violetroselily · 05/12/2020 04:05

Another one here who can't see what the cashier did wrong. She corrected herself to say it was meant for wheelchair users and offered to get someone to assist you - you then chose to decline that help.

miserableannie · 05/12/2020 04:08

I feel that b&m have a book on the exact staff they must hire. Very miserable and rude. Actually I think Aldi use the same book

myhobbyisouting · 05/12/2020 04:33

"There were much younger staff on the other tills and I wrongly assumed she was a manager."

So you looked at her and made an incorrect assumption based on how she looks and she did the same to you?

Openalltheadvent · 05/12/2020 04:44

@SlippersForFlippers that was wrong of the assistant.
But if your nephew ‘didn’t want to complain’, why did you?

AlexiaSmile · 05/12/2020 04:47

@Zoflorabore

And apologies for awful typos.
My friend, yes, this is a very unpleasant situation, and I, like any other person, would also be indignant ... But if you take a philosophical look at the problem, the workers simply break down, because they have to wear masks almost 24 hours a day, and also watch out for other people! Therefore, try not to waste your nerve cells! )
Doingitaloneandproud · 05/12/2020 05:33

I can't see what she's done wrong, she pointed out it's for wheelchair users so quite clearly you cannot use them. She then offered to help and you told her not to bother.
If you wanted help you should have said. Not ask to use a trolley you don't need because you didn't have a pound.

Fieldofyellowflowers · 05/12/2020 05:52

But the OP didn't realise that the trolley was for customers in wheelchairs. When she asked if she could use it, the cashier said that it was for disabled people (didn't specify wheelchair users). Given the fact that OP has disabilities, she thought that she may be able to use it. The cashier changed to it's only for people in wheelchairs and OP doesn't say that she tried to demand it after that. It was only after her 9 year old daughter offered to get a basket and assist her mum herself that the staff member tried to do anything helpful.

MiddleClassProblem · 05/12/2020 05:57

I agree, I can’t see what she did wrong unless it was her tone. She just used the wrong word but it was still clear what she meant. The with the whole range of disabilities there are many things designed for certain types of disability. You know you wouldn’t need a trolley that’s adapted in any way so you know what she meant.

I can only think it was her tone and maybe expressions but I do think you are feeling offended as you felt challenged which you weren’t being.

CoalTit · 05/12/2020 06:06

I've had to wait at the front of a shop for over an hour before as someone took the only wheelchair trolly and refused to swap to a normal one when the staff asked them. I'm unable to shop using a normal one.
This is a good illustration of how the cashier was doing the right thing by reserving those trolleys for wheelchair users. The only thing she did wrong was say "people with disabilites" instead of "wheelchair users".
It's a bit scary to see how many people here react by saying that the cashier needs to be reported and "educated".

Sittinbythesea · 05/12/2020 06:08

Yes, you are being ultra sensitive.

Also I’m not sure how many people are familiar with the idea of lanyards as a clue that someone is disabled. I only heard of them in the summer. But loads of people wear all sorts of lanyards, I often still have mine on after work if I pop to Tesco. I’m not sure it’s really a very helpful system as staring at people’s boobs to read their lanyards isn’t always appropriate! It’s certainly not ‘official’ - anyone can pop on a badge.

Peppafrig · 05/12/2020 06:14

@Sittinbythesea exactly plus it’s winter so no doubt lanyards are hidden under scarfs and extra layers . Plus anyone and I mean anyone can go on to that website and buy the sunflower lanyard . You can buy multiple and buying any badge you want to go in it. If it was a sunflower lanyard the OP had of course.

Dontpasstovardy · 05/12/2020 06:14

Sorry OP, I also think you're being over sensitive.

The cashier (probably knackered, it's horrible working on checkouts in big stores on minimum wage) used the wrong word and then corrected herself. It's a massive jump by you to feel she humiliated you.

I too have a hidden disability (though do not have a blue badge) and I'd also never heard of the lanyards until a couple months ago.

Seymour5 · 05/12/2020 06:20

None of us were there, so we didn't hear the tone of the conversation. It's not always what is said, but how it's said. Also, when someone isn't feeling great, they may be stressed even before asking for help. A kindly manner goes a long way.

Hanski11 · 05/12/2020 06:21

First of all, a big and well deserving well done to your daughter for the part she played in helping.

Secondly, I know you said you don’t like to complain. But, by doing so you are helping not just the store to improve their services to ALL customers but also other disable customers that will benefit from better trained and more informed staff.
Do have a conversation with the store manager, S/he would never know unless someone ( ie you ) bring situation like this to their attention.

Onadifferentuniverse · 05/12/2020 06:26

You’ve got to think as well op. I know you’re wearing your lanyard but that doesn’t magically erase the fact you are a risk when you’re not wearing a mask, since wearing a mask is to stop the spread to other people rather than protecting yourself.

It must be more than stressful for retail staff at the moment. I think I’d be a bit unintentionally ‘off’ with someone who wasn’t wearing a mask too.

Onadifferentuniverse · 05/12/2020 06:28

It’s obviously not ok, but you can see why it would change someone’s tone can’t you?

I wouldn’t take it personally op.

Backbee · 05/12/2020 06:32

The staff member was on a till MIMI with customers waiting she didn’t have time to just drop everything and go outside and release a trolley geez

Quite, she was probably aware of her queue and you can't just leave your till, surely there were staff popping stuff on the shelves etc you could have asked. I agree her wording was clumsy, she should have said those in wheelchairs, out of interest, what adaptions would a trolly have for those with non physical disabilities?

TheSilentStars · 05/12/2020 06:34

There's more than one thing going on here and a hell of a lot of extrapolating.

The hidden disability/lanyard/exemption isn't relevant. Because we're talking trolleys for wheelchair users.

The OP got her coin stuck, went to the first till and asked for help with the stuck coin.

The cashier, serving her queue, explained about the trolleys and coins. Couldn't leave her till to get the coin out (because you can't just walk away from your till and your queue whether it's B&M or Fortnums) offered to call a free member of staff.

There's no humiliation here. Just the OP misunderstanding the (fairly obvious) point that there are different types of trolley for physically disabled customers.

JellyStrudel · 05/12/2020 06:37

@Neotraditional

Were they the type of trolleys that attach to a wheelchair? If so, I don’t think she did anything wrong telling you not to use it.
This
Suzi888 · 05/12/2020 06:46

@NotPrude

Hmm can’t quite see what she did wrong tbh... I have hidden disabilities. I don’t wear a lanyard to let people know but I carry around my notes in case I need it. I would never think of taking a trolley intended for wheelchair uses just because I have a disability.

It’s clear she meant that’s for people in a wheelchair when she said disabilities and when you challenged that, she clarified for wheelchairs. Don’t think that was discriminatory against you at all.

I’m sure she had a tone and was rude but it was B&M, not Waitrose...they’re not fussed about customer service in places like that.

^^ I think this. I think you really expected the staff member to stop everything and assist you immediately.

“I believe in always complaining when someone in a service position speaks disrespectfully to me or someone with me. They obviously need further training.” Which is why I feel sorry for retail staff, they aren’t slaves. I don’t think anyone is rude unless met with hostility from the offset. Not all all retail staff are in a ‘service’ position. As for taking photos Shock unbelievable.

LunaLula83 · 05/12/2020 06:46

Just wear a mask.

PurpleFlower1983 · 05/12/2020 06:46

I wouldn’t complain about this, the cashier made a mistake in saying those trollies were for people with disabilities rather than specifically wheelchair users. I doubt she will make the same mistake again so lesson learnt. It doesn’t sound like she was rude and she offered to get someone to help. I’m not sure what else she could do.

TheSilentStars · 05/12/2020 06:50

Luna, it's nothing to do with masks. And the cashier didn't make a mistake, the OP did.

Elfieishere · 05/12/2020 06:51

She just used the wrong terminology to start and then corrected herself that it was for wheelchair uses.

You are not in a wheelchair so once she said that you should of left her to carry on serving the queue... not continue to give her a lecture that all disabilities are not hidden still.

Why couldn’t you find someone that was stacking the shelf’s instead of serving customers? Why should everyone wait in the queue while you rudely interrupt anyway with your problem..

She didn’t do anything wrong. Next time you should get some manners and not interrupt a queue of customers that have been waiting their turn. You are not more important then them.