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Original poster

Staff member at B and M humiliated me.

252 replies

Zoflorabore · 04/12/2020 23:29

Hi. I don’t know if I’m being ultra sensitive here but I had an experience tonight which made me feel awful, embarrassed and angry.

I have a life limiting condition and several MH issues and struggle wearing a mask. Instead, I wear a hidden disabilities lanyard which I wear. I was with dd (9) and tried to get a trolley.

I had a trolley coin which got stuck so I went inside to ask for help. The lady on the first took had just finishing serving a customer so I first apologised for bothering her and asked if there was someone who could help with the trolleys.

She told me that they don’t accept the trolley coins and i spotted a trolley a little further along and asked if I could use that.

She told me no, they are only for people with disabilities, I then pointed to my hidden disabilities lanyard and told her that i do have a disability to which she replied “well they’re for people in a wheelchair”.

There were a few people in the queue. I told her that having a disability is not defined by being a wheelchair user. My daughter said “come on mum I will get a basket too and help you” I felt mortified. People in the queue looked sympathetic and the woman then said she would send someone out to get me my trolley coin and I told her not to bother. I struggled around the (huge) shop and gave up halfway round.

When I went to pay I asked the cashier if the first woman is a manager and she said she isn’t. I feel like complaining which isn’t something I’ve ever done in a shop but I think in this day and age especially, the staff member shouldn’t have treated me like I was lying.

Sorry that was bloody long!

OP posts:
frosted232 · 05/12/2020 06:53

You can't use this type of trolley as you would a normal trolley so she was absolutely correct. Most stores only have a few of this type so have you thought about what would have happened if you had taken it and a genuine wheelchair user had to wait for one to become available?

Elfieishere · 05/12/2020 06:55

@Fieldofyellowflowers

But the OP didn't realise that the trolley was for customers in wheelchairs. When she asked if she could use it, the cashier said that it was for disabled people (didn't specify wheelchair users). Given the fact that OP has disabilities, she thought that she may be able to use it. The cashier changed to it's only for people in wheelchairs and OP doesn't say that she tried to demand it after that. It was only after her 9 year old daughter offered to get a basket and assist her mum herself that the staff member tried to do anything helpful.
*She told me no, they are only for people with disabilities, I then pointed to my hidden disabilities lanyard and told her that i do have a disability to which she replied “well they’re for people in a wheelchair”.

There were a few people in the queue. I told her that having a disability is not defined by being a wheelchair user*

She OP says above that after the lady corrected herself she still went on about having a disability is not defined by being a wheelchair user.

The OP shouldn’t of interrupted someone busy serving in the first place and should of found someone on the shop floor that could of came out to help her.

JillyCareful · 05/12/2020 06:55

She offered to send someone to help you with the coin trolley, and you told her not to bother. Why didn’t you say Oh thank you that would be great?

SurreyHillsGirl · 05/12/2020 07:06

The sales assistant didn’t do anything wrong, did she. She offered to help you with your problem Confused You’re just looking for an issue here.

I’ve seen a few threads where those who refuse to wear masks are looking to be offended over some (trifling) personal slight that they have suffered at the hands of an evil member of retail staff. These people are trying to do their very stressful, poorly paid jobs, while trying to avoid catching Covid from the copious amount of unmasked customers they are faced with everyday Hmm I’m sick of hearing about it.

Sittinbythesea · 05/12/2020 07:09

What Surrey said!

Original poster
Zoflorabore · 05/12/2020 07:15

Firstly to the person that suggested that this is a reverse- i can assure you it isn’t.

I was nothing but polite and I do have good manners. I have been served by the staff member in question many times before and she has quite an attitude. She is never friendly and I asked her because she was on the closest till.

Clearly I was mistaken about the trolley. I admit that. I did not know it was for wheelchair users or would never have asked about it. I accept that completely.

I suppose my issue was the way she spoke to me. I didn’t hold up the entire queue as the whole conversation lasted under a minute. My lanyard states that I have hidden disabilities that’s all and i showed her that.

Some of the responses here are downright nasty. It’s fine to put someone in their place (me) and tell me I was wrong but there’s no need to be so rude. I’m big enough to admit when I’ve made a mistake. Being told to “just wear a mask” is not helpful or constructive.
For various reasons I can’t or I would.

And this wasn’t even in AIBU?

Thank you to all who responded anyway, whatever the opinion. It helps to see different responses and next time I won’t go without a bloody pound coin.
Lesson learned Blush

OP posts:
Fieldofyellowflowers · 05/12/2020 07:25

@Elfieishere

If it's anything like the B&M near me, there is never anyone on the shop floor to ask.

LubaLuca · 05/12/2020 07:35

What a lot of drama over nothing. A busy cashier said 'disabled' instead of 'wheelchair user', offered to get help, and wasn't very friendly. Big deal.

pictish · 05/12/2020 07:55

You were being ultra sensitive...seeing as you asked.
Nothing happened to you.

Bunnybigears · 05/12/2020 07:56

but then again, the speed with which they throw things through the checkout is hardly hidden disability friendly either

Not the point of the thread but just wanted to say if anyone struggles with the speed of the cashiers at Aldi you just have to ask them to slow down and they will.

MiddleClassProblem · 05/12/2020 08:05

I don’t know, your update that you acknowledge that you made a mistake about the trolley still doesn’t really acknowledge that you told her about hidden disabilities after she corrected herself and said wheelchair users. It sounds like you were being pedantic at her as she use the wrong word when clearly you know you are able to use a regular trolley so why you thought one might be reserved for someone with your kind of disability is a bit confusing.

It sounds like she might have a certain tone and you are particularly sensitive to it given that you think she always has an attitude.

NotDesmondsBoat · 05/12/2020 08:05

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Cygne · 05/12/2020 08:11

[quote Peppafrig]@Mummyoflittledragon I actually do have hidden disabilities so bang goes your theory .But I also know that my disability’s does not give me the right to use the one wheelchair trolley that they had in store when I was perfectly capable of using a regular trolley until my trolley coin wouldn’t work.[/quote]
Well, bully for you. But your criticism goes out of the window taking into account that this wasn't a standard wheelchair trolley.

JustCantTakeItAnymore · 05/12/2020 08:16

Well it sounds like they need to sort their trolleys out for a start and if the trolleys don’t accept trolley tokens and just £1 coins then they need to leave them free until the issue is rectified.

However, i am concerned that you have a life limiting illness and were visiting the supermarket! Do you do online shopping?

SaskiaRembrandt · 05/12/2020 08:24

However, i am concerned that you have a life limiting illness and were visiting the supermarket! Do you do online shopping?

Why?

IndecentFeminist · 05/12/2020 08:24

Tbh, isn't the lanyard more to demonstrate that you can't wear a mask etc...not for her to use to recognise you need a particular trolley? When she said people with disabilities, she meant with physical disabilities. I'd say that was fairly obvious in the context of a trolley tbh.

Cygne · 05/12/2020 08:29

@IndecentFeminist

Tbh, isn't the lanyard more to demonstrate that you can't wear a mask etc...not for her to use to recognise you need a particular trolley? When she said people with disabilities, she meant with physical disabilities. I'd say that was fairly obvious in the context of a trolley tbh.
People can have invisible physical disabilities.
Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 08:31

i dont think she humiliated you, as you tell the story op

IndecentFeminist · 05/12/2020 08:31

Absolutely, but not likely to be one that requires a wheelchair accessible trolley?

Cygne · 05/12/2020 08:32

@Skipsurvey

i dont think she humiliated you, as you tell the story op
OP was there, she heard the tone of voice, she was made to feel as if the staff member thought she was lying. I can't see how she can rationally be contradicted on that.
Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 08:32

i think you are being ultrasensitive.

Cygne · 05/12/2020 08:33

@IndecentFeminist

Absolutely, but not likely to be one that requires a wheelchair accessible trolley?
OP has said it didn't look like a trolley solely for wheelchair users.
Roussette · 05/12/2020 08:33

Next time someone offers to help you, I suggest you don't tell them 'not to bother'. You were unreasonable for that, and for coming on here expecting everyone to agree with you!

Shop workers have a hard enough job without you putting in a complaint for this.

Skipsurvey · 05/12/2020 08:33

op she may well talk to all customers the same, dont worry about it, it is her issue, it is december in a pandemic so quite stressful to all of us

DianaT1969 · 05/12/2020 08:33

I think there might be two things going on here. When you approached to speak to her you weren't wearing a mask. She may have felt exposed. Subconsciously she probably didn't want to engage.
I know I flinch, when people without masks try to chat on buses and in queues. I don't have underlying conditions, it's just a stupid reaction.
Secondly, she needs more training in helping people with disabilities.
I think non-mask wearers should consider that many people won't be keen to engage in conversation with them. Whether this staff member happens to have diabetes or any other condition, or is perfectly healthy, she has been "conditioned" to want protection from shoppers over the last 10 months.