Anyone else never had financial help from parents for house deposits etc?

[sausagedoglove]

I get so down when I read about all the people on MN, and friends IRL who have had the Bank of Mum and Dad help them out with house deposits or early inheritance, or even inheritance from grandparents to help pay down debt or upgrade their car etc.

I've had nothing and I've been told to expect nothing. My parents are well off, their house is paid off and currently undergoing extensive renovations all paid for in cash (over £100k), three investment properties (with mortgages) which is the income they'll be relying on when they retire in a few years, plus income from share portfolio.

It's their money, they can do what they want, but I do feel a bit down about it all.

My parents were very much "children are to be seen not heard" kind of people, and any money I come in to should be earned on my own. That's all fine, but the cost of housing in this country is crippling and they just don't get it. I'll be renting for the rest of my life and without capital I can't really grow my wealth much.

Anyone else?

Never had a penny from either set of parents, mine couldn’t afford it and DHs are so tight they speak when they walk. Supported myself through unit by working, sometimes 2 jobs.

We spent 10 years living apart all week as DHs work was in the SE and we knew that we would never get out of renting down there and it was more important to have long term financial security.

I stayed in Manchester living on my own all week an hour and a half from my family in their lovely market town because here was a better balance of employment opportunities versus housing cost.

DH lived on board ship or on base and we started with a small 2 bedroom house in a shit but up and coming part of Greater Manchester.

The choices that we made then are paying off really well for us now, but we sacrificed to get here.

Didn't have any help from DPs or ILs to buy a house. We had to save hard for a few years and bought a couple of years ago, much later than most of my friends, many of them had help with a deposit from parents or married 'well'. I did feel a lot of jealousy I guess at one point. Neither mine or DH's parents were in a position to help with a deposit but having said that we have had help with other things, eg money towards buying a car or things for the house so I'm grateful for that.

I would say though that I feel a huge sense of achievement in having managed to buy a house in a fairly expensive part of England without any help. But the downside is that we will not be in as good a financial position later in life as most of our friends as we'll still be paying off our mortgage and probably working till we're 70!

My Mum died which meant I was left with a deposit for a house.

I would rather still have my Mum than my house. I don't think there's anything to be envious of.

NC with my mother, she doesn't have a pot to piss in anyway.

My Dad is tight fisted as fuck, despite having huge handouts from his own parents over the years. Including them buying him a house, twice.

My Grandparents (my Dad's parents) have helped me financially. Not huge amounts. They've replaced my white goods when they've broken beyond repair, and given me £1000 when I needed to move house due to being served a S21. I've always paid them back, even if it was in dribs and drabs, despite their protestations.

I took partial retirement and used some of my lump sum to give my DC £5,000 each towards their deposits . I couldn’t afford more. I love the fact they have both managed to get houses and I could help a little bit. I will try to do the same for my youngest son and I pay into a Help to Buy for him. I recently split from my partner and had to move quickly. My DC have helped me with moving decorating and renovations. As a family we try to help each other.

No we didnt and we won't inherit anything either. It used to bother me if I'm honest, but now I feel very proud that we have done it all without help. Neither of our families are well off , but my side has been irresponsible with money over the years which ended with us supporting my parents for a few years when our own family were very young. It used to pee me off that I was having to buy my parents flooring and money for essentials at a time when most peers were being helped by their parents.

My brother has married into a wealthy family and had been given 2 houses over the years and is set to inherit millions. It's not nice if me to say, but my observations are it hasn't done them much good. They are both greedy and grabby. The first house was abroad where they lived for a few years, They sold the house and came back and spent all the £ within 5 years and ended up living in a rent free house owned by the family. They have now just moved into another house that's been gifted to them but needs work and are in a strop because SILs family wont give them money to make the changes they want. They are also beholden to them which I would hate.

We have family savings and DCs will have about £8k each at 18 to buy their first car. I plan to pay for food and lodgings at university and a contribution to their first house. They will also inherit from us one day. More importantly, I never want to be relying on them.

No help from DPs or PIL here. We bought our first house at a time when the banks were doing 100% mortgages for graduates. If it wasn't for that we'd never have been able to save a deposit (expensive area)

I don't think about it most of the time but I do get jealous when I'm reminded how much help friends get (house deposits, house renovations, holidays, childcare for their kids etc)

Both my parents (separated) work minimum wage jobs so I have never had any help from them. My dad is generous when he can be and often picks me up stuff from the retailer he works for.

My Mum gave me £1000 a few years ago when she got an inheritance and I was extremely grateful.

I am fiercely independent and see how my parents work hard for every penny they get. I want to know that I am the reason for the things I have got, not family money.

That said, I have helped my DS buy a car, and pay for half his rent while at University ( his dad pays the other half).

That sounds so harsh OP they have the means to help you but won't, I can imagine how that feels.

We never had a penny from ours, despite my husbands family being well off. We worked and saved but were also fortunate with timing. We had a few redundancies under our belts & we bought our house just after the market crashed.

I know people who assume we have had financial help from parents and don't want to hear it when we say we haven't.

I really feel for people trying to get into the property ladder atm.

Not had a bean. My mum is an unpaid carer and my dad is too ill to work.

They'd both give me their last pound and go without rather than see me struggle, but wouldn't be financially able to help with any significant amount.

We bought our houses ourselves, no financial help. Although we have received help in other ways, my parents and PILs have been a godsend for weekly childcare and now the kids are older they will go for the weekend (pre covid).
In the last few years, PILs have given us lump sums of money.

My parents gave me £100 in 1989 when I started uni. Nothing since. They do however regularly help out my siblings..( new car, new kitchen, ....)

Didn’t get anything from either mine or the ILs. A lot of people I know had either nothing or small amounts like a few k that wouldn’t have particularly helped.

We are saving for our kids but the money will be their own to do with as they wish (obviously we’d hope that buy a house).

Nope no financial help for a deposit for my house!
I was fortunate that I lived at home during uni and paid a small amount of board. (I trained to be a nurse so there was none of the normal uni holidays and was working 13 hour shifts so worked bank shifts as a healthcare assistant to make money). Then when I qualified the amount increased and I saved for a deposit for a house and me and my husband got a mortgage at 24. Were now 31.
You are correct, it's your parents money and they can spend it how they like. It's not healthy going on in life being resentful. Maybe it's because we all come from a working class background that I see it differently as no one I know has had financial help from parents! Sometimes it's been the other way round and parents need support!

Despite working all their lives and belonging to the most financially privileged generation in history, my mother's life-long fondness for spending money she doesn't have on shit she doesn't need left my parents without a pot to piss in. I was working at 14, helped them out for years, and got a degree, masters and house without their help. When my dad died I was in the middle of moving house. Ended up using the proceeds of sale to pay for his funeral and help out my mother so now I have no house and I can't see that ever changing. My mother's retired and still has debt. I'm not bothered that my parents didn't help me financially, I do mind that they didn't look after their own finances because their fecklessness has had a profound and devastating impact on my life.

Never had anything, parents were asset rich cash poor. I did live at home until 25 to save for a deposit and paid enough to cover me - there was no other option, I couldn’t afford to rent.

All siblings helped our own children, and DM helped DSiS during her divorce.

We are bringing up our dd with (as someone upthread said) the gumption to stand in her own two feet and not expect handouts too.
That being said, if she'd had a sick child, a rough time and I'd just come into some wonga , I'd sure as shit bung them enough for a bit of R&R in Majorca for example.
There are people on here who have had neither financial or
emotional support and I think that's sad.

No, and DH got nothing from his parents either (mine wouldn’t have been able to afford it, his could but he would never have asked or probably accepted has it been offered).

motorcyclenumptiness that’s so rough

Amazed that people expect anything at all from their parents. Unless they have given unfairly between siblings I can’t understand feeling disappointed or expectant about this. It’s their money not yours!

Didn’t get anything when I was young. Was encouraged to move out and get married young. I left school at 17 because I’d developed a health condition that ruled out Uni. They wouldn’t have helped with that though even if I’d been able to go. They did pay for my wedding and I moved into a house that came with my now ExH’s job the day I came back from honeymoon.

My DM had taught me to manage my finances and she had advised me to start a Save As You Earn scheme when I was 16 using my Saturday job money. This matured when I was 21 and was a 5% deposit on a house of our own. It was back in the 80s.

When my DM died my DF gave me and my DSis £3.5k each to buy something to remember her by. And more recently, my DSis got into financial difficulties and amazingly my DF helped her out. And then suddenly gave me £10k to make things fair.

Everything me and my DH have we’ve worked for - apart from the 10k which is kept in savings in place of employment protection that I can’t get.

However, I have helped my own DDs with their deposits because I know how much times have changed. I can’t change how my parents were but I don’t have have follow their example.

I'm not expecting anything, have only an elderly mother left who lives in a tiny flat. Mother has worked her way through hundreds of thousands of pounds inherited from two husbands.

My dp's and il's never helped financially as they didn't have the money. We were living in a fairly cheap area though so could save for a house deposit quite easily.
We have helped our dc with deposits and I'm very grateful for having the good fortune to be in this position.

My dc don't ask for money but we always know when they need it and will offer help.
They usually say no and sort themselves out.
My parents are elderly and both own houses so I may inherit a small amount but I don't count on it.

@motorcyclenumptiness was this a decision you made whilst grieving and do you regret helping your dm?
The funeral cost I understand but any other debt was really not yours to pay.

Nope, nothing - they loved to spend on themselves and their new husband/wife, utterly tight with us. Up to them, but I am not like that with my own children - I help them out at every turn because I love them and it gives me pleasure.

I can never understand how my parents could enjoy spending thousands and thousands on holildays when their child and grandchildren were clearly on the bones of their arse. I feel so differently myself, I can only conclude they don't love me as much as I love my children. Which makes me feel sad, but you can't make people care.