Anyone else never had financial help from parents for house deposits etc?

[sausagedoglove]

I get so down when I read about all the people on MN, and friends IRL who have had the Bank of Mum and Dad help them out with house deposits or early inheritance, or even inheritance from grandparents to help pay down debt or upgrade their car etc.

I've had nothing and I've been told to expect nothing. My parents are well off, their house is paid off and currently undergoing extensive renovations all paid for in cash (over £100k), three investment properties (with mortgages) which is the income they'll be relying on when they retire in a few years, plus income from share portfolio.

It's their money, they can do what they want, but I do feel a bit down about it all.

My parents were very much "children are to be seen not heard" kind of people, and any money I come in to should be earned on my own. That's all fine, but the cost of housing in this country is crippling and they just don't get it. I'll be renting for the rest of my life and without capital I can't really grow my wealth much.

Anyone else?

Posters who saved up and bought in your early 20s: did you move out on your own and pay private market-rate rent from the age of 18?

Apologies for my scepticism but I've found that most people who boast about saving a deposit with no help turn out to have done so without having to pay rent, or paying a token amount to family for living at home. When I was in my early 20s I was struggling to keep a roof over my head; yes maybe I could have not gone to the pub quiz every other Thursday but that £30 a month wouldn't have made a usable deposit and living is also important.

Also, from experience of both, putting up with stuff you can't afford to fix in your own place feels very, very different to putting up with stuff your landlord can't be bothered to fix even though you're handing over £hundreds a month to fund his early retirement plans.

To answer your question, OP, I think the vast, vast majority of us had some form of help to buy. Your parents are deluding themselves.

Not me either. My parents are lovely and I’m sure would have loved to have given my siblings and me money for deposits, etc. but they just never had that type of money.

Sorry OP but you sound a bit self entitled and selfish. They have no obligation to help you? Your choice to live in one of the most expensive areas of the country?

Your posts are bit confusing - you say you can't afford a house in the SE on a single income yet you also say you have a DH and kids?
Most things are affordable if you try hard/work hard - extra jobs etc?

I didn't have help towards my deposit. I worked my ass off, lived in shared houses, saved every spare penny? Compromised on the area and the house I eventually bought 🤷‍♀️

@raspberrymuffin

Posters who saved up and bought in your early 20s: did you move out on your own and pay private market-rate rent from the age of 18?

Yes. But I lived in shared houses to keep the cost affordable.

You sound really resentful.

Tbh, I dont think parents owe children deposits for houses etc. It'd be nice but a) not everyone's in the position to be able to that for their children particularly if there's multiple children and b) there is something in working for what you want. Your parents have every right to enjoy their retirement. You have little idea if they struggled when you were young or before they had you. Maybe this is their time to enjoy?

It sounds like I'm a similar age to you. I've also had 0 parental help and I dont feel so bitter about it. Perhaps your relationship with your parents and your very obvious feelings about your childhood are impacting your opinion on this.

You're an adult, time to work, save and have patience to achieve what you want rather than waiting for other people to make all your dreams come true.

My parents never gave me another penny after getting my first job at 14.
Of course they fed me while I lived at home but they were just such cold people I took the first opportunity out of there at 19 and never looked back.
Even now it pains them to help in any way, they've looked after my kids less than 10 times in 15 years. Didn't even offer to help me move house as a single mum.
I asked them to help me build bunk beds, as that was the only piece of furniture I couldn't build by myself, and they did - but very begrudgingly. It was painful to behold.

It's all noted. I'll definitely be returning the favour when they're old.

@ivfbeenbusy most people have no choice but to live in shared houses now and still that's not cheap enough to have a deposit. Do you think most people move into 3 bed private rentals in naice areas at 18 then complain they can't afford to save a deposit? It's a different world now.

We had no help from either set of parents. We want to be able to give Ds at least a deposit for a house.

I didn't get anything, simply because there wasn't much to give. I'm young enough that the housing market in London was ridiculous when I lived there but I rented with friends there and put up partition walls in the bedrooms so that the flat could accommodate more of us so paid less rent.
I had a deposit saved up quite easily that could have gotten a flat in Croydon, say, but moved to another (much cheaper) part of the country so that I'd be able to pay off a place much quicker and owned it outright in a few years.

None here either. My mum brought up two of as a widow in the 60s and 70s so things were really hard. She always bought her own home but on retirement, sold her last house and lived in a small sheltered place with very little left. When she died I got the bulk of it (bitch ex sister, long story) which just paid for us to have a holiday, a new kitchen and a new bathroom.

She made some very poor choices when buying and selling her different houses sadly. Now, we have some spare money and do, without overdoing it let our dc have things like riding lessons, driving lessons and such like, but are very vocal about them not expecting, or getting, huge amounts.

Not a penny, but never expected it, nor wanted it.

My wonderful parents have supported me 100% in all the ways that truly matter, except giving me money. They have offered a couple of times to give me money, a thousand quid after certain adverse life events, but I’ve never taken it. I’ve always thanked them for thinking of it, and assured them I’d ask if I needed it. I’ve always scraped by, or taken on additional work to sort myself out.

However, they share their immense wisdom and life experience, show me they love me, support my decisions, tell me I’m lovely, give the best cuddles, are amazing company, and funny. They also will listen when I need to talk, and tell me if I’m being a horse’s arse. They are 84 and 86, and I’m so proud of them and love them so much.

I’d rather have them as they are, than they smoothed the financial path for me. Making sure I made good budgetary decisions and didn’t get into debt was one of the best life lessons I could have had.

No, we've never had any help with a deposit from either set of parents. DH's parents are very comfortably off, mine less so. However, we were lucky enough to get very well-paid jobs when graduating and slogged for years at them so we could save (14+ hour days and working weekends). DH is still slogging. Now we're better off than both sets of parents and almost mortgage-free.

Most of our friends have had help from parents. Those that haven't in lower-paid jobs have really struggled to afford a decent home and children. We know a few families (doctors, teachers etc. so not poorly paid by general standards) crammed with 2 young children in small flats. But we do live in an expensive part of the county.

My parents could not afford to help us. DH’s parents could have but he didn’t want their financial help. We were lucky to buy our first home with a 100% mortgage. Without that we would have been stuck renting.

@FizzyDizzy121

You sound really resentful.

Tbh, I dont think parents owe children deposits for houses etc. It'd be nice but a) not everyone's in the position to be able to that for their children particularly if there's multiple children and b) there is something in working for what you want. Your parents have every right to enjoy their retirement. You have little idea if they struggled when you were young or before they had you. Maybe this is their time to enjoy?

It sounds like I'm a similar age to you. I've also had 0 parental help and I dont feel so bitter about it. Perhaps your relationship with your parents and your very obvious feelings about your childhood are impacting your opinion on this.

You're an adult, time to work, save and have patience to achieve what you want rather than waiting for other people to make all your dreams come true.

Of course I'm resentful! I'm not pretending I'm not. It's hard not to be when all around me are friends in beautiful houses that were partly paid for by their parents. We have similar income as friends, just different helping hands behind the scenes.

Nope nothing at all here

Probably different here, but I did things the other way round -- and luckily it paid off. I worked 3 jobs for years to get deposit and pay for first home, renovated and gradually upgraded a series of houses to get to current one, improved career by blagging the better jobs/promotions, worked long hours and gambled on getting bonuses etc to pay chunks off. DH did masses of overtime. (He still does, working today - but self employed now so 1 day's pay = 3 days previously!) So yes we have a nice lifestyle but it's all our own work.

Left having kids to last minute.com, meaning we had a home on a low mortgage to value when we did, and meant I had to give up the corporate lifestyle. We never had any handouts, although relatives are dying around us in recent years and we may get a little left to us at some point. If we do we'll likely improve the house and move on somewhere nicer for our retirement (we dislike where we live now it's been discovered as a nice place for townies to go for a walk, let their dog off lead to crap in our garden etc).

@raspberrymuffin

Posters who saved up and bought in your early 20s: did you move out on your own and pay private market-rate rent from the age of 18?

Apologies for my scepticism but I've found that most people who boast about saving a deposit with no help turn out to have done so without having to pay rent, or paying a token amount to family for living at home. When I was in my early 20s I was struggling to keep a roof over my head; yes maybe I could have not gone to the pub quiz every other Thursday but that £30 a month wouldn't have made a usable deposit and living is also important.

Also, from experience of both, putting up with stuff you can't afford to fix in your own place feels very, very different to putting up with stuff your landlord can't be bothered to fix even though you're handing over £hundreds a month to fund his early retirement plans.

To answer your question, OP, I think the vast, vast majority of us had some form of help to buy. Your parents are deluding themselves.

Me and DH lived on his salary in a shit studio flat in a rough area with no heating or oven while I was in my last year of uni. When I finished uni we stayed there for 18 months and lived the same lifestyle so we could save all of my salary for a deposit and money for fees/stamp duty.

1x FTime job
2x PT jobs one with tips & free meal per shift
Lived in lots of different types of rented accommodation, so had the insentive to buy
Jam sandwiches for packed lunch
No luxuries
Saved up deposit+ legal fees

Then a better paid job with over time

It was worth the effort

My DH and I both moved out at 18 to go to university and have lived independently since. We had to since our jobs were not near family... we're a 3 hour drive from my parents and a 7 hour drive from his.

I had nothing from my parents, I waited until I inherited after their death.

We are now able to help our children and do. I don't want them to wait until I'm dead.. I would much rather help them now when they need it most.

I've never had naff all off either of my parents, in either help/time or money. When I got married my mum gave us £75 as a wedding gift. When she inherited a quite substantial amount from my grandfather, she lent me £1000 to buy something I needed which I have since paid back. I don't need or expect anything from her at all - why would I - but it does bite hard when I see friends living in houses gifted to them by parent or helped out with large deposits etc, or even with parents that like to spend time with and help out with their grandchildren. It's not even about money, it's the feeling that I don't matter. I have sworn to do better by my own children.

Never had a penny from my parents. No other legacy. My husband is the same. Every single thing, driving lessons, cars and our house we bought from our own endeavours and savings. We live in a very small, modest home. People often ask why! Not everyone has the bank of mum and dad. Good luck.

Nope, nothing. My mum just didn't have it to give. I had no financial backing at uni and have been on my own two feet since then. Most of my university friends had support, even twenty quid a week for their shopping, from their parents. I did not. DH didn't either. Both of us have just grafted. Reckon we'll have our mortgage gone by ~55 if we start overpaying a bit.

Nothing here. I’ve worked my arse off to provide for myself and if they need it I can provide for them as they age. Worked from age 13 and had jobs all through school and sixth form, left home at 18 and got a job through uni, rented grotty apartments with no central heating or shower, shared with people I didn’t particularly like, but independence was paramount for me. I like that I’ve never needed anything from anyone.

My mum left my dad and took pretty much nothing so she has nothing to give. My dad is a complete Scrooge and has money ferreted away everywhere which he brags about but the only people that see any of it are his wife’s family. I don’t want anything from him. Time maybe, and interest in my children - but he doesn’t seem bothered so his loss.

Nope nothing from our parents here and both DP and I were out on our arses at 16 - DP in the military and I sofa surfed from before I sat my GCSE’s so no cheap rents living at home when we started working. we also got fucked over badly in the last recession and never really recovered any decent savings from that point on.

But then we don’t own a house so probably not quite what you’re looking for!