Anyone else never had financial help from parents for house deposits etc?

[sausagedoglove]

I get so down when I read about all the people on MN, and friends IRL who have had the Bank of Mum and Dad help them out with house deposits or early inheritance, or even inheritance from grandparents to help pay down debt or upgrade their car etc.

I've had nothing and I've been told to expect nothing. My parents are well off, their house is paid off and currently undergoing extensive renovations all paid for in cash (over £100k), three investment properties (with mortgages) which is the income they'll be relying on when they retire in a few years, plus income from share portfolio.

It's their money, they can do what they want, but I do feel a bit down about it all.

My parents were very much "children are to be seen not heard" kind of people, and any money I come in to should be earned on my own. That's all fine, but the cost of housing in this country is crippling and they just don't get it. I'll be renting for the rest of my life and without capital I can't really grow my wealth much.

Anyone else?

I wasn’t given cash towards a deposit but did use a small inheritance when my dad died. DH was given a small inheritance early by his grandparents for a flat but didn’t get anything when they passed away. And when we bought our current house from my mum she sold it to us for less than market value, not massively under but still under.

My grandparents bought my brother (the golden grandchild) his house for him. When I bought my place they gave me an second hand sofa. I admit, I was resentful of that for a long time.

There’s obviously no point dwelling on it but I hear what you’re saying and those who don’t seem to have a limited understanding about the difficulties of home ownership today.

I do head what the OP is saying, I just happen to disagree that my parents are responsible for providing me with significant financial help into adulthood. It would be lovely to have the additional money but having raised me to adulthood, they aren’t obligated to me or to fund my lifestyle.

They should be able to enjoy their retirement.

MessAllOver I am puzzled by your post - can you not see the irony of your final sentence? My wealth IS what I have earned!

Nope no help here either which is why I rent.
Hard to take when the last house move nearly killed me mentally and my parents at the same time were spending £60,000 on new cars and another couple of thousand on a kitchen for their utility room.

On the one hand I absolutely do not begrudge them it, they’ve been lucky (in the time they’ve been born and inheriting, not having it eaten with care home fees) they also worked hard. BUT on the other hand I Couldn’t watch mine go through the same and not help.

You are paying more than £2,200 a month in rent? That's a lot - 2 double bed flats in my (nice) part of London can go for under £1,500 currently so I'm assuming you're not saving for a deposit at all? With the situation so odd at the moment the opportunities for bargains are around & probably will be for a year or two. A friend of mine is buying a two bed for £300,000 in a decent enough but not perfect location which needs a lot of work but which she will definitely be able to upgrade & hopefully will move her up the ladder - is that totally beyond reach?

@RelaisBlu. Wealth is what you have, income is what you earn. Income is not itself wealth but a means of accumulating wealth. Wealth is not limited to what individuals have accumulated through excess income but also includes gifts, inheritances, trust assets etc. (unearned wealth) Wealth can also be used to generate income (unearned income).

Tellingly, more than 90% of unearned income in the UK goes to 6-7% of the population. Wealth inequality is one of the key drivers of income inequality in our society. So no "level playing-fiend" then for most of us.

Moreover, wealth inequality leads to higher house prices. A tax on wealth would see a reduction in house prices since property is one of the main methods used for storing wealth. If we combined this with lower taxes on income, it would go some way to making property more affordable for average earners again.

The system works hugely to the advantage of some of us. Some of us are gifted or inherit substantial unearned wealth which we can use to increase our income or reduce our outgoings (e.g. mortgage). Others like DH and I don't start with unearned wealth but earn very high salaries and are able to convert that into earned wealth which ultimately has the same effect. However, without unearned wealth or a very high income, the cost of living nowadays means that life will be a struggle for many people on average incomes. It is disingenuous to pretend it's their own fault for not trying hard enough or expecting handouts.

Not yet.

But will inherit one day.

I'm 40 though and PIL my dad are all in bloody excellent health. So we are a long way off ever getting a deposit!

(Am in no way wishing ill on them!)

MessAllOver But where does "savings" end and "wealth" begin?

Not really - they were very hard up when I was younger - now have a paid up house but still a low income. They did give me £500 towards my wedding - apart from that nothing - not even an hour's babysitting.
My brother was given 'his' grandmother's house at which point he left home, aged 26.
I left at 18 when I was told to go. Prior to that I had a Saturday job, from age 14 & paid for my expenses (inc school uniform!) from that.

DH had 2 properties when we met , I had none. He bought a deceased relatives property as his first property so unsure whether he paid the full market value for it. When we bought our house we sold the 2 properties he owned to get the deposit for our house. Neither of us had any financial contribution from our parents. However we will use some inheritance I will get (probably next year) to pay off our mortgage. (My Ddad died last year but still waiting for his estate to be finalised)

I’m 25 and bought a house in the Home Counties last year with no parental money. They have helped us in other ways though like giving us old furniture, helping us move and helping with DIY.

I still don't know how people do it if they are on an average wage and they don't have help with a deposit.

Dh earns 32k and I'm a sahp. We can't save anything as we rent and to be honest there's no point in me working as I only earn min wage and childcare costs more. I used to knacker myself working nights when we lived in the SE just so we could pay the rent there without childcare. We had to move across the country as I was killing my self to be honest.

We aren't that young either, both 40. As my SIL pointed out so nicely, we should have tried harder in life!

We had help, not a massive amount, some from inheritance, my father passed away suddenly in my early 30s and some from my husband's mum & Dad.

To be honest I'd of obviously preferred having my Dad alive than the money, he didn't have much but he always said he wished he could buy me a house, so I'm glad that's what we used it for.

As for my in-laws, they are just very very generous. Would rather see my husband 'enjoy' his inheritance while they're still here.

Never had a penny. In laws are actual millionaires, mostly on acct of inheriting from Gran -in -law who owned a famous dept store that she later sold for ££££. Granny is still alive but passed all but the money to live on to her FIL as she wanted it enjoyed they were not much older when we are now when she did that.

We once borrowed £300 when we were on the bones of our arse and had to pay it back in full the next month which we struggled to do.

They've seen us with 2 young kids in a house with no heating, in the coldest winter for 100 years and didnt even consider helping us.

Since then we have worked our butts off and will be mortgage free in around 12 or 13 years. I hope we'll be able to help our kids more than we were helped. But I'm proud of how well we coped and survived on our own.

@firesuntea

It’s surprising to hear so many say that you should work to own a house and that’s that.

Do you read the news? Do you understand how renting works and the cost to do so? Do you understand how much is needed for a deposit on a tiny house these days?

I was lucky and had help to buy. If I hadn’t then I did save a lot from a young age and would have maybe bought at a similar age that I did but not in a nice area and a much smaller place.

OP I would feel the same as you. Even 10-15k can massively help and that money is far better in a property than on a cruise or couple of trips to the Maldives. Whatever anyone says about it being your parents’ money, if I had only 10k spare to my name by way of savings, no way would I use that for little luxuries in life instead of helping someone avoid renting for god knows how long.

It is your parents’ money and you acknowledge that. There’s obviously no point dwelling on it but I hear what you’re saying and those who don’t seem to have a limited understanding about the difficulties of home ownership today. My advice would be buy somewhere absolutely tiny as soon as you can, even if it’s not what you want, just to get on the ladder. It’s tough xx

It’s not a case of work to own a house and that’s that; but you can’t have everything.

If you want to own a home and you live somewhere that rent on a 1-bed flat is 2k a month then you have to make a choice to move somewhere cheaper, even if that means moving away from family.

If you want to prioritise a career than means you have to be in London then you may have to accept that you will have to rent.

There are always compromises.

No, no one I know has either. It’s only on MN i see it commonly.

I will help mine but they don’t know that yet. I want them to do what we did and work as much as possible to get on the property ladder pre children whilst they have no commitments and can be flexible with regards to hours, second jobs etc.

Most people can’t have it all or not all at once so it’s about priorities. Some want home ownership, some want to just work part time, others want children very early on etc.

No, not just you.

Similar circs. Parents living in cash-rich, mortgage-free, comfy boomer retirement. I’ll be renting forever.

Sadly, selfish people get to have children too.

Parents living in cash-rich, mortgage-free, comfy boomer retirement. I’ll be renting forever

Which they’ve worked all their lives for.

Sadly, selfish people get to have children too.

Sadly some hardworking people get adult kids who for some reason seem to think they’re entitled to their money.

@VinylDetective I think the difference is @LippyChick could have attended the same university, rented the same flat and taken the same first time job and would come out with thousands of student debt, the rent would be a considerably higher percentage of her income than it was for her parents and her wage would be stagnant and not keeping up with inflation. You’re on the back foot from the start. Most ‘millennials’ work just as hard as ‘boomers’ but the opportunities just aren’t there.

The argument is really if you can afford to help your children without it hugely affecting your quality of life while simultaneously hugely improving their quality of life and security then why wouldn’t you. And I agree with that.

I can never understand why parents who have the means to do so don't help their children.

Most people I know had inheritances or parental help, myself included. I don't think I know anyone who did it entirely on their own though of course I would never ask, this is more what people have openly shared.

My parents weren’t in a position to help in that way financially so I never expected it. I’ve always had jobs and saved money. I worked a few different jobs at university. I lived with my parents as a young adult (while paying them rent) and saved, then rented for a few years before buying. Our house deposit came from our savings.

I can understand the frustration if your parents have a lot of money and won’t help you out. On the other hand, many people don’t have well off parents so you just have to do what you can.