Anyone else never had financial help from parents for house deposits etc?

[sausagedoglove]

I get so down when I read about all the people on MN, and friends IRL who have had the Bank of Mum and Dad help them out with house deposits or early inheritance, or even inheritance from grandparents to help pay down debt or upgrade their car etc.

I've had nothing and I've been told to expect nothing. My parents are well off, their house is paid off and currently undergoing extensive renovations all paid for in cash (over £100k), three investment properties (with mortgages) which is the income they'll be relying on when they retire in a few years, plus income from share portfolio.

It's their money, they can do what they want, but I do feel a bit down about it all.

My parents were very much "children are to be seen not heard" kind of people, and any money I come in to should be earned on my own. That's all fine, but the cost of housing in this country is crippling and they just don't get it. I'll be renting for the rest of my life and without capital I can't really grow my wealth much.

Anyone else?

Most ‘millennials’ work just as hard as ‘boomers’ but the opportunities just aren’t there

They may well do, that isn’t the issue. Why should two people who have worked for 40 odd years just hand over the fruits of their labour to their kids? Nobody knows what the future holds, we’re not giving our kids our care home fund.

No, we never had help. Saved for about 7 years and bought a flat 2.5 years ago. Both in our 40s.

Neve had a penny of my wealthy parents or my wealthy in-laws. We have both worked extremely hard and just paid out mortgage of this year .

My brother got hand outs and cars bought for him and he doesn't own a house . Think myself and dh were determined to prove our way

Nope I haven’t, my parents are very poor. I earn £45k which is a pittance according to some on here but it’s more than my parents combined income has ever been by quite a stretch. I’m currently looking at one bed flats to buy because I’ve managed to save over the past decade. I could move to a cheaper part of the country but my job and friends are where I live now. I also feel more of a sense of pride and achievement than I would if I’d been given money.

Having said that, nobody should have to rely on handouts to afford a secure home - something is deeply wrong with how wealth can be hoarded and kept in families (yes, I’m a socialist and believe housing should be accessible to all, it shouldn’t been seen as an achievement only some work hard enough to win).

And those who go on about renting being a waste of money - well, hardly, when it’s the only way for some people to keep a roof over their head. Not everyone has family they can live with, in fact some may have very good reason to move out. Rents are extortionate, yes, but if the choice is between that and remaining in an abusive home what will you choose? I’m not talking about my own situation, my parents are actually very supportive, but I think the reasons people ascribe to those who can’t afford property are often short sighted.

I posted this on another thread.

Just because your parents were unable or unwilling to help you doesn't make it wrong for others.
I see this a lot on MN, especially when it comes to teenagers / young adult DC. People who struggled and never got any help because their parents were unable or unwilling fostering huge resentment to those who want to help their DC.
I got nothing from my parents but have gone the other way with my DC. Supported them comfortably through uni and gave them £50k each for house deposit. They were and still are responsible adults who appreciate what we have done (and plan to do the same for their own DC). We don't live in the SE so property is much cheaper.

In your case OP I'd be hurt as it doesn't sound like your parents are very caring. Presumably you'll inherit eventually but too late to make a difference to your life. I've just inherited a modest sum from my parents but they had none to spare when I was young.

@VinylDetective

Most ‘millennials’ work just as hard as ‘boomers’ but the opportunities just aren’t there

They may well do, that isn’t the issue. Why should two people who have worked for 40 odd years just hand over the fruits of their labour to their kids? Nobody knows what the future holds, we’re not giving our kids our care home fund.

Fine. Future generations won’t have the luxury of retirement or any funding for care homes. They will work beyond 40 years until they drop. When did people actually stop wanting their children’s lives to be better than their own?

Nope nothing here, my parents just could not afford it. Won't get any inheritance either (they have no assets and nothing from grandparents who also had nothing to leave anyone)

Paid for my own university education with loans and part time jobs, finally bought a property with a 5% deposit aged 39...

@raspberrymuffin

Posters who saved up and bought in your early 20s: did you move out on your own and pay private market-rate rent from the age of 18?

Apologies for my scepticism but I've found that most people who boast about saving a deposit with no help turn out to have done so without having to pay rent, or paying a token amount to family for living at home. When I was in my early 20s I was struggling to keep a roof over my head; yes maybe I could have not gone to the pub quiz every other Thursday but that £30 a month wouldn't have made a usable deposit and living is also important.

Also, from experience of both, putting up with stuff you can't afford to fix in your own place feels very, very different to putting up with stuff your landlord can't be bothered to fix even though you're handing over £hundreds a month to fund his early retirement plans.

To answer your question, OP, I think the vast, vast majority of us had some form of help to buy. Your parents are deluding themselves.

Yes, lived back at home for about 4 months straight after university. Then lived in a series of shitty bed sits and shared houses for the next 12 years before finally renting a one bed flat.

To answer your question, OP, I think the vast, vast majority of us had some form of help to buy.

I think that very much depends on where you live and property prices. Most of the country doesn’t experience the very inflated prices of London and the SE, and it’s much easier for folk to buy. I literally don’t know anyone who has handouts in the £10,000s from parents for their deposits. Help to buy a piece of furniture or to redecorate but nowhere near the kind of suns talked about on this thread and elsewhere. Don’t assume the rest of the U.K. is like SE England, the vast vast majority of people I know did it themselves.

Op so rethink your location.

You can’t afford to buy in the area you live now.

You have one wage

You can change both these things in order to buy a house

Some of my wider relatives have but my siblings and I haven't afaik. One of my siblings has been lent small amounts I think. I haven't asked (and thankfully haven't needed to).

Posters who saved up and bought in your early 20s: did you move out on your own and pay private market-rate rent from the age of 18?

I didn't buy a house that young but I left home to go to uni and once I graduated from my first degree I never lived at home again. I did a PhD so was living full time in my university town renting in shared accomodation for years then DH and I rented together for 3 years while postdocing before buying a property once we had permanent jobs. No help from parents, the bulk of DH's parent's wealth was and is tied up in their house and I was from a farming family where the bulk of the inheritance goes to the son who gets the land. Both middle class families but in reality most parents don't have oodles of cash lying about to give to their DC. We both had degrees from very good universities and so had good jobs so were able to pay off student debt fairly quickly. And we lived in the north so prices are low. I know some people who got money from parents but those generally lived in the south east. At work now the young ones all manage to buy reasonably quickly but you can easily get a 3 bed house for under £200k in a nice area (prices haven't really increased here for over a decade which means if anything it's now easier to buy than it was when we bought).

I moved out and paid private rent at 18 and bought my first house at 24 thanks to 100% mortgages. We worked out that we would have paid £10k in rent by the time we had saved the deposit.

Not one red cent.

My husband and I are completely self made, bought our house with our own money that we'd saved with no help from anyone. We also both put ourselves through school. My parents were extremely financially irresponsible and had nothing to contribute. In fact, as an adult I've given them money.

I've never been resentful but I've certainly been envious of those who had work and school opportunities I didn't due to their parents' connections and wealth.

Not a penny but then they never had money. Not even somewhere to stay when I left an abusive ex.

Yes, my DCs both live in lovely homes worth loads.
Why wouldn't you help your DCs.

Posters who saved up and bought in your early 20s: did you move out on your own and pay private market-rate rent from the age of 18?

Yes both of us did.

Yes in grotty house shares, so grim but cheap

Nope nothing here.
Still living in a 3 bed council house
Had own house once but ex took me to court to get his half of house and what was left was spent paying of debts he left me in

Also had 2 disabled children and then was in a financially abusive relationship for years..who stole what.little money I had.

Even working part time in shitty jobs didnt help.

My dads dead but I've not had a penny from my mum apart from 3 grand for a car which I had to pay back.

All her moneys gone in keeping her partner happy and the cruises etc.

I'm not that bothered. Everything I have now which isnt much I've worked hard for even down to my little 2nd hand car and.my green house and paid for.myself.

My kids appreciate what they have l. My dp and I work as a team. We save what little we can and I'm so much better off and stable than what I was 3 years ago.
I don't need my mums help, I've survived by myself. I dont need a house bought for.me or a posh car to appreciate what I have.

I have nothing to give my kids really, my 2 eldest have made thier own way and I'm proud..I try to help out by doing a bit of shopping or buying little bits they need

We bought with no help, but I don't begrudge my friends who bought with help.

Thank you, @napqueen, you get it.

I stopped getting anything from mine when I was 14.
Moved into my first place, no help.
Made homeless a few years later, I could have gone over to use the phone to call around my friends.

Op your parents aren’t actually parents. Having 4 properties and extensive investments and cash whilst your ONE child rents for life is pretty scummy. They are just relatives, don’t qualify as parents. We lived with PILs to save money, PILs didn’t even charge us for food, they wanted us to get onto the property ladder. We both worked and therefore saved our entire salaries. My mum helped us with the deposit. So we did get onto the property ladder much earlier than we otherwise could have done. And then the effect is cumulative - property increased in value, we changed areas and got a bigger house for the same money. A little help goes a long way if it’s given early on (ie before kids).

Neither DH or myself received anything from either set of parents, ever. My Mother and his Father both died three years ago. My Mother left all her worldly goods to one of my sisters and his Father left everything to DH sister. Those estates were both worth around 250k each.

I always knew my sister was the favourite and never expected anything and that was more about emotional support, my other sisters spent a lifetime hoping Mother would love them just as much. To be honest it absolutely screwed their lives up and the leaving everything to one child just proved once and for all the woman’s shocking favouritism.

The only positive was it made me very independent, it was no struggle to move away for my career. The others spent their lives trying to please her and living close by. She didn’t die till she was in her nineties. My pain at that time was seeing my sisters suffer having hoped for validation and love for all those years, their last chance passed and the will just confirmed everything. Hearing my sister cry that she wanted Mum to be nice to her just once is one of the most heartbreaking things I have ever heard.

@raspberrymuffin

Posters who saved up and bought in your early 20s: did you move out on your own and pay private market-rate rent from the age of 18?

Apologies for my scepticism but I've found that most people who boast about saving a deposit with no help turn out to have done so without having to pay rent, or paying a token amount to family for living at home. When I was in my early 20s I was struggling to keep a roof over my head; yes maybe I could have not gone to the pub quiz every other Thursday but that £30 a month wouldn't have made a usable deposit and living is also important.

Also, from experience of both, putting up with stuff you can't afford to fix in your own place feels very, very different to putting up with stuff your landlord can't be bothered to fix even though you're handing over £hundreds a month to fund his early retirement plans.

To answer your question, OP, I think the vast, vast majority of us had some form of help to buy. Your parents are deluding themselves.

DP and I both went to university aged 18 and lived in halls the whole time as was typical for that (expensive) university. We both did a masters, me still in halls and DP moved back home for that year where he did not pay rent. We then moved into a privately rented flat for a year and then bought our house last year, me then aged 24 and him 23. I made the choice to have a long commute into London and live somewhere cheaper outside the M25.

@WankPuffins your household income is actually below the national average which is £37,100 according to ONS. I don’t know where you are located but my starting salary for a graduate entry level job in London was higher than your husband’s current salary. I didn’t meet mortgage affordability checks just on my salary but in practice given our outgoings we could live off my salary including paying the mortgage, so maybe in some cases it’s a question of how the numbers look. In practice you might not be better off working, but the mortgage companies sometimes work things out differently.