Anyone else never had financial help from parents for house deposits etc?

[sausagedoglove]

I get so down when I read about all the people on MN, and friends IRL who have had the Bank of Mum and Dad help them out with house deposits or early inheritance, or even inheritance from grandparents to help pay down debt or upgrade their car etc.

I've had nothing and I've been told to expect nothing. My parents are well off, their house is paid off and currently undergoing extensive renovations all paid for in cash (over £100k), three investment properties (with mortgages) which is the income they'll be relying on when they retire in a few years, plus income from share portfolio.

It's their money, they can do what they want, but I do feel a bit down about it all.

My parents were very much "children are to be seen not heard" kind of people, and any money I come in to should be earned on my own. That's all fine, but the cost of housing in this country is crippling and they just don't get it. I'll be renting for the rest of my life and without capital I can't really grow my wealth much.

Anyone else?

@PattyPan he works for a local authority in London. He's actually quite senior - but council pay is rubbish! We live in the Midlands now as living in London was horrendous with the rents But he still has that job as they agreed he could work remotely.

I know mortgage companies would count my wage, but minimum wage work and 12 hour shifts with young children is a killer (I also did lots of study in my field to just earn min wage, it's just how it is!). Childcare would drain us and working nights and not sleeping looking after children in the day is madness inducing.

@PattyPan although when we looked into getting a mortgage it wasn't that much more they would lend with me working - it was around 10k more. And the amount still wasn't enough to buy a place even in the cheap area we have moved to. So we have decided to wait it out. An inheritance is the only way we will ever buy a house.

Just to add to my earlier post about my parents giving me £500 towards my wedding (I am 50 and have never had another penny for anything at all (even school clothes £ before i left home came from my Saturday job £), or a single hour babysitting her grandchildren.
I spoke to my Mother earlier and told her that exH has finally agreed to a divorce (there is no property to split, or any money involved, but I'll be free of a git - an abusive one too). She asked for the £500 back! (long backstory, I married the person I did because of the person who 'raised' me). But wanting the £500 back? Classic, even for her though

We never had any help, but DH's brother's had driving lessons and first cars bought for them, 1 brother had his wedding paid for, the other his engagement party paid for (marriage didn't happen). Both had birthday and xmas presents that cost over £100. Brother who is married, his child and step children treated better than ours. E.g. taken abroad on holiday, had bikes bought for them, day trips out etc. His daughter sent £200 a month while at university, our son given nothing etc etc.
When PILs complained they had no money as their pensions were not enough, we stepped in and sent then £250 per month for 2 years, going without holidays and treats ourselves-only for them to bugger off on a cruise to the Canary Islands the second Christmas of sending them money. On their return, I was given 4 plastic table mats and youngest dd was given the pack of toiletries from the ship. We stopped paying them after that, but other grandchildren were bought expensive perfumes.
This was before they started giving grandchild at university a monthly allowance. We stand on our own 2 feet, but would never treat our children differently, unlike PILs.

@sausagedoglove no, no-one is saying you get to buy a house by just not buying coffee.

Yes the coffee saving is £750 in a year, but add that to the rent savings having a studio flat instead of a 3 bed house, not taking holidays, not going to the pub, spending £30 a week instead of £50 on food shopping, going for walks instead of going to the cinema.

Add in the extra pay for the overtime you've been doing or the 2nd job you've taken and it turns into several thousand in a year. Then do that for enough years to get a deposit together. You have to give up every single little luxury, including coffee, to save hard. It is incredibly hard but there are still people achieving it every day.

Unfortunately the sacrifice is much easier if you do it while you're young and don't have the responsibility of kids. I don't know many people who have waited until they have children and have managed to buy while having to rent a bigger house and family expenses to pay for.

I think that the worst situation is when parents help one child but not the other as in my case . DB was the Golden Child and was given driving lessons, a car , huge contribution towards his wedding and house deposit plus help towards family holidays .
Me ? First driving lesson , no car etc etc even when my abusive exh left me destitute.
Yes I was bitter !