Anyone else never had financial help from parents for house deposits etc?

[sausagedoglove]

I get so down when I read about all the people on MN, and friends IRL who have had the Bank of Mum and Dad help them out with house deposits or early inheritance, or even inheritance from grandparents to help pay down debt or upgrade their car etc.

I've had nothing and I've been told to expect nothing. My parents are well off, their house is paid off and currently undergoing extensive renovations all paid for in cash (over £100k), three investment properties (with mortgages) which is the income they'll be relying on when they retire in a few years, plus income from share portfolio.

It's their money, they can do what they want, but I do feel a bit down about it all.

My parents were very much "children are to be seen not heard" kind of people, and any money I come in to should be earned on my own. That's all fine, but the cost of housing in this country is crippling and they just don't get it. I'll be renting for the rest of my life and without capital I can't really grow my wealth much.

Anyone else?

Nope no real monetary help. One of our friends have said we are the only ones that they know that has done without bank of mum and dad.
But my dad has helped us as much as possible decorating etc
My 17 year old opened a help to buy isa before they closed and we’ve agreed to match what she puts away each month £40. It’s not a lot but it’s a start - I’m not sure without selling our home that we will be able to help our own children in the future but will try.

We’re early 30s and spent 8 years abroad in low tax or tax free countries saving everything we could.

We live slightly less frugal lifestyles now but managed to save about 450k. Most of it is invested now but we did use about 120 of it as our deposit.

Our parents contributed about 5k each to our wedding which was amazingly generous, but it doesnt seem right to accept money from them when we have more.

Never had and neither of us expected it or when discussed it. As far as I am aware none of our friends have either, it isn't really that common IME.

We moved to an area where we could afford to live and buy a small flat. Started off with a mattress on the floor, 3rd hand sofa and bits and pieces from other people. Didn't even consider kids until we had saved enough for a small house. Registry office wedding with 4 guests as saving for deposit. Lived very frugally for years with an ancient cheap car, no holidays abroad.

We saved and paid our own deposit and bought our house, we were unlucky/fortunate we had a couple of small inheritances (around £15k x 2) but those are a few years into our mortgage from dh's gran/dad, so put them into the mortgage to shorten the term a bit.

If we had kids and/or a full wedding before buying we wouldn't have been able to afford to buy.

My PIL gave us a £5k towards our deposit in 2003 on our first home in NZ. We then sold that place and made a decent profit when purchasing our other home in 2006. Sold that one in 2013 and made more capital gain meaning that we had a very decent deposit when buying our place in London. Now our LTV is 35% so you could argue we would
never be here without their help.
We will help our DD too when she's old enough.

I never got any help from my parents either, but then they were both dead so that was that.

When first married in my early twenties both me and my husband went to work abroad for a few years to earn enough to put a deposit down. As it worked out we made enough to buy a property outright. But it was tough, long hours , hard work and had to put up with a lot of unpleasant people. The only place I really enjoyed was working in the US. I loved America but I wouldn’t want to do it again. I cried when we landed at Heathrow for the last time and I get so angry when people slag off this country. Anyway, that’s how we got our house.

No assistance, no deposit help, no hand outs.

It sounds incredibly harsh and I do feel if you deicide to bring children into this world, help them out.

I did help them out, I gave them gumption to stand on their own two feet and not expect handouts

Never asked for help from either of our parents when dh and I were buying our first place together. Never expected it, or felt entitled to anything even though they gave my older brother the deposit for his first place. We were content to have earned our own money and be able to afford the deposit ourselves, through working, saving, not going on holiday every year, that kind of thing.
DH’s mum died when he was 19 and even though his mum had left him and his brother her share of property in her will, a few years down the line FIL sold it, so got them to sign the paperwork but he took all the money and never mentioned it again. Dh always strived to make his own money and not depend on anyone.

We didn't although dp and I crammed into my bedroom at mums for about 6 months to save up. We bought our house when I was 19 and it was paid off by the time I was 37. The best thing I ever did.

Your parents have a similar attitude to mine; lots of living life high on the hog and little thought for others

I’ve always done everything on my own. We moved out of London, bought a house in a way cheaper area that needed work and did a lot of it ourselves. It hard work and sucked our spare time but we made some money from it when we flipped it. It sounds like you need to move to a cheaper part of the country, cut down your outgoings and / or get a 2nd job

It is possible to buy in the South East, but not if you're eying up family homes in Clapham!

A one-bed flat in zone 2 is the equivalent of a 3-bed house in Reading. It's just what happens when you have kids and you're not made of money. You have to move further out.

Early 2000s a family house in say, Clapham (SW London) would have been about £500k. Today that would be £1.5m+

Alternatively don't live in London. £500K is double the average house price in the UK, just look what it can buy in the great northern cities.
Newcastle
Leeds
Manchester

I've also had zero financial help in terms of hard cash. I have had had slightly discounted rent but then been made to feel really guilty about it or had pressure applied to purchase other things or contribute to work. Life is a struggle in comparison. One of my friends had 30k from DHs aunt when they married for a deposit, 10k from her mum for her wedding and then another 10k for work on the house. She can afford to be a SAHM in a mortgaged home whilst we rent and I had to return to work when DD was 10 months whilst also starting a small business to get by. Its made life a lot more stressful and stings a bit with PIL have multiple holidays a year and expect care provided (won't even discuss care provisions or sort out a sensible will) but wouldn't help financially when DH was temporarily too sick to work. I was newly pregnant at the time with what they said was a much longer for grandchild, working extra long hours to try and get us out a financial hole. They were aghast when I returned to work as if money just magics itself up. My DPs go on about their hard earned money and how they will enjoy themselves having forgotten about the times I had to pay for food shops for the family out of my PT job as a teen. They actually gained their wealth through inheritance but haven't passed any down.

Mum died when I was 20 and dad died when I was thirty. I got a very small inheritance (< £10k) and was already living in my own mortgaged house so saved and added to that money and took a year off travelling with my then husbsnd.

Never had any form of help from my parents at all. No money of any sort and no baby sitting either.
Siblings all had help. Weddings paid for, child care and help with buying cars etc.

My bloke never asked for help and never got it but his parents are lovely people. All his siblings have gone to the bank of mum and dad for very large amounts. None of it has ever been paid back. When the parents decided to gift them all part of their inheritance, they all demanded the same even though by right he is entitled to more.
They have all bickered and fallen out over money and he just watches. It's shit.

I don't remember it ever being easy to get the deposit together to buy a house. I bought my first house in 1984 and it was hard saving for a deposit even then. Buying a house has always required you to save hard and make choices in how you spend your money.

My parents never gave me money and nor would I expect them to. I left home at 18 so why should they? The recently inherited a lot from my grandad but that is theirs to enjoy and if it wasn't for covid they would be. We are always telling my MIL to remortgage her house to release the equity so that she can enjoy that before she gets too old.
I'm moved North as it's so much more affordable and saved for a deposit in my 20s. I bought a tiny house in an up and coming area that I didn't want to live in,and then moved to a cheaper up and coming area once our house had gone up in value and so could buy a bigger place.
My DC will not get anything from us l doubt as we have zero savings. (Though I would help a bit if I could).

I bought my first house in 2001. I saved for a deposit and had no help from my parents. I’ve always been the grafter in our family, my dB was slow on the uptake.
I was surprised when my dh said he had help from fil as dh earned way more than me.
I too made my money in 2007 when I sold my house with no upper chain for more than twice what I paid for it. Looking at house prices now I’m shocked at what my first house costs to buy now as I wouldn’t be able to afford it, not on my own anyway.

Nope, in fact they made me financially worse off with their shitty behaviour.

@sausagedoglove did your parents support you til the end of education? If so why do you begrudge them their luxuries? Shouldn't it be up to you to create your own opportunities and get on the property ladder? Plenty of people have done it

I think it’s wrong of parents not to help their children if they can afford to. You rarely hear about it in other cultures, only Western. I think families should help each other. Why have children if you’re going to cast them out into the world to have a hard life?

Me. Never had a bean. I’m at uni I was on my own. Worked in holidays.

I made some money when I was 16 from playing in concerts and mum tried to take it for “rent”. I leant to say get lost.

Paid for my own wedding.

I’m very independent and self sufficient.

I’m now planning to help my own kids out much more. But part of me wonders if this is sensible as I see it being the ruin of so many people. They lost the will to work and fight for qualifications and a job or throw in the towel when it’s hard going