Anyone else never had financial help from parents for house deposits etc?

[sausagedoglove]

I get so down when I read about all the people on MN, and friends IRL who have had the Bank of Mum and Dad help them out with house deposits or early inheritance, or even inheritance from grandparents to help pay down debt or upgrade their car etc.

I've had nothing and I've been told to expect nothing. My parents are well off, their house is paid off and currently undergoing extensive renovations all paid for in cash (over £100k), three investment properties (with mortgages) which is the income they'll be relying on when they retire in a few years, plus income from share portfolio.

It's their money, they can do what they want, but I do feel a bit down about it all.

My parents were very much "children are to be seen not heard" kind of people, and any money I come in to should be earned on my own. That's all fine, but the cost of housing in this country is crippling and they just don't get it. I'll be renting for the rest of my life and without capital I can't really grow my wealth much.

Anyone else?

It also might be a regional thing, I suppose. I'm from Scunthorpe - and don't know anyone whose parents helped them onto the housing ladder.

No, but I was fortunate and met a young man who already had a house whilst I was still living at home. He had not had financial help to buy it. This was a long time ago now though when prices for small starter homes were more reasonably priced.

Could be generational - people in their 50s and 60s now are the generations that could expect to be better off than their parents. Not so much now.

My parents aren't quite so wealthy, but have some money from downsizing around the time we bought our family home. They said they'd give us some money towards it and gave us £5k, later I did get £10k from a family inheritance that got, but wasn't used on the house purchase and whilst I didn't see the will, I think I was meant to get this rather than them giving it to me as a gift. . I did find out they gave my brother 15k at that time of the inheritance, so it's even, but he's never bought a property.

Honestly when they said they'd give us some money I was surprised. This wasn't our first property, that I didn't have any help with and my DP provided the whole deposit 😬

My parents recently sold their massive detached family home to downsize and in the process pocketed a lot of money. We were promised enough for our deposit, so we took them at their word. A year later they decided they were rescinding the offer without explanation. Totally up to them of course, their money. But left us stuck in rented for the foreseeable.
Now we just have the pleasure of snide comments every time we see them about “still” renting.

Op, your parents sound a bit selfish. I know there is this whole “it’s their money” thing but it is becoming near impossible for young people in certain areas to buy without help for a deposit. Housing costs have now caused huge inequality over generations. It’s not anyone’s fault but I think those with the means to help their DCs or DGCs and choose not are will fully ignorant of how much harder it is now.

We never got a penny from our parents, we saved our own deposit out of earnings. It was 25 % of the total purchase price (standard requirement by mortgage lenders at the time, far tougher than today). Or to put it another way, that 25 % deposit we saved was one entire annual salary (before tax and deductions) . Or to put it yet another way, the price of our first property cost twice our combined annual salaries.

Average UK wage is 30K
There are plenty of places in UK where a property can be bought for less than 4X average wage.

www.propertypriceadvice.co.uk/moving-home/best-areas-buy-property-for-under-100k

We never did have help with deposits from parents, not from either side. However, I do know my parents had help from my paternal grandparents who were in a different financial position from my parents.

I don’t think it’s something all parents can do.

My mum bought me a set of saucepans and a cook book and packed me off to university.

That was the limit of her contribution until she died 27 years later and I inherited a share of her estate. I put it towards the mortgage then.

Nothing, left home at 16, got a post grad degree and had a dream house and beautiful family by the time I was 30 and it feels absolutely amazing. I'm so proud we've done it all ourselves. I know it doesn't always feel that way but there are downsides to being given money.

No substantial help here, the odd £50 here and there for birthdays. That's it. They can afford to help us out more but they want the cash and lifestyle for themselves. DH not a penny either. But we've done alright for ourselves and it means I'm extremely independent and resourceful as pretty much has to rely on just me. We're the ONLY ones of our friendship group who haven't been gifted large sums of cash. And many of our friends still are given a lot of money from their parents whenever they need a large item like a car or a washing machine. We're the odd ones out in that respect, it used to make me feel resentful but now I'm proud of what we've achieved. I will help DC's out a bit more though, esp as we can afford it. However some adults I know are effectively spoilt by their parents still so it will be within reason! I find adults constantly being gifted cash by their parents an unattractive trait to be honest.

OP- my dad's dad was exactly like this. When alive he would specifically make comments like: I'll be using all my money before I go etc. Used to buy a new upgrade car every year despite only driving it once every 2 or 3 weeks. He and his wife on the whole seemed to have a very uncaring approach to childrearing from what my mum has told me of them. Like they were nice enough people but never ever would go out their way to make their children's lives easier in any way (which in my mind doesn't actually make them that nice but that's my opinion).
As a result my dad is v similar and any financial support I've had as an adult has come from my mother- who has worked bloody hard her whole life and still continues to. Her mother also worked incredibly hard and worked until she was into her late 70s- she delighted in giving us grandchildren pocket money and money on birthdays and christmas and also supported my mum and dad with the deposit on what became our long term family home. Without her we would never have had such a lovely home to grow up in. It does always surprise me that despite benefitting from that financial support my dad has maintained the same attitude his dad had but each to their own. I would never want my parents to feel obliged in any way to pay for me or support me in adulthood financially- I've had jobs since I was 13. However, I will definitely be doing all I can, including working well past 60 odd to try and ensure my DC are always well supported and to ensure I can leave them a decent inheritance.

Average UK wage is 30K
There are plenty of places in UK where a property can be bought for less than 4X average wage.

I wonder how many of those places have job vacancies with a salary of £30k?
Leave your current job, your family, support network? That’s just not possible for many people.

As a foster child, I’ve had no financial help as my parents were the local authority.

I would absolutely 100% provide financial assistance to my children if I could afford to. I can’t take it with me, they’re my family 🤷🏻‍♀️

Care leavers have it so tough xx

I've never had a single penny since I left to go travelling at 17.

Not a penny from either of them since I was 18; they won't be leaving anything to me either...they'll be leaving it to their second families. I'm proud of how much I've achieved without their help; great job and two homes. The good thing is I have no guilt whatsoever about not looking after them in their old age.

I'm late 30s and we've had no help from either set of parents to buy a house, in 2005. We were lent £8k for a new kitchen and bathroom for house number two in 2015 which we are paying back in monthly instalments.

When DH and I bought our first and second house we didn't get any help with the deposit but we didn't need it, we have good jobs and live in the north so didn't need a crazy deposit. DM and DDad did buy us very nice curtains when we bought our first house though.

I suppose it depends on the reasons, plenty parents can't afford to help, others may have spent a lot on your education or think you shouldn't really need help to buy. In most parts of the country that would be true but if you've chosen to live in London then not being a property owner is a compromise you've made. I certainly wouldn't want to hand out £100ks I couldn't really afford to a child to help them buy a tiny flat in an expensive city whereas I'm happy to e.g. pay living expenses while they are at Uni. And some parents are just a bit uncaring and will make you feel shit and that it's your fault that they aren't giving you money.

Nope. Mum could never afford to and dad was a miser.

My Mum is also like this. I don’t get it. I worry now about how my DCs will afford housing, it keeps me awake at night. I don’t understand how people see their children struggle, have the means to help them, and choose not to. Why have kids?

I'm 45 and everything paid for by myself (driving lessons, living expenses at uni, wedding, house purchase) - I've benefited from the property boom and mid naughties 100% mortgages along the way. My first flat was less than £50k and a colleague recently spent 10 times that for an equivalent flat. It's insane how much harder it is to buy a home these days.

Nothing from my parents (mum too poor, dad was well off but lost it all and wouldn’t have given it anyway). DH’s parents also poor so no help there.

I’ve had a lucky career that means I now earn a lot, so we’re comfortable financially, but I know that’s not open to everyone. Even then, it has been a struggle to build the life my friends with wealthier families have, we don’t have new cars or lots of holidays (mostly camp) and our wedding was very low budget.

All you can do is make the best of what you have, and try to make career choices that will give you a better income. My dream job would be something a lot lower paid, but I’ve sacrificed career satisfaction for money.

Leave your current job, your family, support network? That’s just not possible for many people.

Plenty people leave their family when they go to Uni and never go back, it's really pretty common.

Nothing. In fact, I’ve subbed my mother a lot over the years....so was pretty horrified to discover she has £££ in the bank.