Anyone else never had financial help from parents for house deposits etc?

[sausagedoglove]

I get so down when I read about all the people on MN, and friends IRL who have had the Bank of Mum and Dad help them out with house deposits or early inheritance, or even inheritance from grandparents to help pay down debt or upgrade their car etc.

I've had nothing and I've been told to expect nothing. My parents are well off, their house is paid off and currently undergoing extensive renovations all paid for in cash (over £100k), three investment properties (with mortgages) which is the income they'll be relying on when they retire in a few years, plus income from share portfolio.

It's their money, they can do what they want, but I do feel a bit down about it all.

My parents were very much "children are to be seen not heard" kind of people, and any money I come in to should be earned on my own. That's all fine, but the cost of housing in this country is crippling and they just don't get it. I'll be renting for the rest of my life and without capital I can't really grow my wealth much.

Anyone else?

Your parents sound very wrapped up in their own lives, in more ways than money. They aren't interested on multiple levels. I can understand how that is distressing.

I have had a lot of help from my mum in particular and so know that much of my 'luck' in life is down to that in combination with my hard work. I will definitely feel like I want to pass that support on to my own children, I can't see me doing huge amounts of childcare, but some, plus financial support plus emotional support, it's kind of what I signed up for as a parent and I can't imagine letting my children struggle if I could help them.

We saved up for a deposit by always living in shared houses. For a while we lived in a box bedroom and shared the bathroom and kitchen with four other adults. Never had a holiday or a meal out. When we bought a one bedroom flat I was thrilled to bits. Even though interest rates were 15%!

My parents aren't particularly well off like you mention, they are just a normal working family and my dad has always worked really hard to provide us with a comfortable life growing up, we always had everything we needed and nice holidays abroad plus uk breaks etc. They don't have heaps of spare cash though. DP and I saved the deposit money ourself for our house, but moved in with my parents rent/bill free while we did so to get away from renting so that helped us a lot and they gave us £2000 towards fees which I am so grateful for. I am not envious of anyone who gets a house bought for them, I am just grateful for what I have. DP's dad is very well off with lots of hidden money in different accounts according to DP's mum who is divorced from him, but never had so much as a tea towel from him. I am just grateful for what we have. I won't have any large inheritance from grandparents and I don't even want to think about inheritance from parents, I certainly don't envy this.

Are you seeing what you want to see? All your friends in the SE have nice houses and it is all because of their parents? If that's true you need more friends with lives like yours.

Hardly anybody has enough money to give tens of thousands to their young adult children and still afford the next 20-40 years of life themselves. Most people are not that rich.

As for your objections to your parents' fancy holidays. Instead of judging your parents how about judging your grabby friends who would rather their parents sat at home quietly in their slippers so they can have a nicer house.

My parents have no money to give. That's normal. No inheritance expected because they are using it to pay for a reasonable standard of living in retirement. DH's parents will likely die in the next five years (dad in his nineties, mum younger but with bad dementia). FIL has made it clear that any inheritance will go to charities, as there are poorer people who need it and none of his DC are on the breadline.

I didn't get a bean. My mum can't afford it, she won't even finish paying off her own mortgage until she's in her 60s.

I bought my first house this year, I'm 30 and a single parent. I got what I could afford, tiny postage stamp garden, no parking, less than ideal location. But it's mine and I'm proud.

Don't forget inheritances come from death, so not always easily earnt. My friend bought her house from money from her dad's life insurance when he was killed by a drink driver. I had some inheritance from my grandparents when they died when I was 9&10 from brain cancer (gran) and a traumatic fall when I was with him (grandfather).
I'm not saying I haven't been lucky, it has certainly made life a little easier. But I envy my DH who had his grandparents into adulthood, and the grief my mother went through so young was horrible to watch. I'd give my money back in a heart beat for her not to have experienced that.

Me and rightly so, in my opinion.

I am the eldest of three and very, very aware of how little money there was. There were lots of activities I would have liked the chance to try, but I never asked for or did anything extra-curricular, as I didn't want to upset my parents. They sometimes found the money when my younger siblings asked for some things, so I think it was probably easier for them to think I didn't want to do anything.

Me. Never received any money from my parents for a house, car, wedding, driving lessons, etc. They certainly would have helped financially if I had ever found myself in dire straits. But to be honest, I have been very happy to stand on my own two feet. Financial independence is extremely important to me. DH and I couldn’t buy a house until we were able to afford it ourselves. C’est la vie.

We had no support. We bought our house all by ourselves at the end of 2019. It felt like a huge win because in that same year we also paid off about $30k of my husband's US student debt. Neither set of parents would have the money to spare to have given us deposit money. We also both always lived independently, paying our own rent and bills.

I had some modest financial support from my parents during my degree and masters- about £250 a month. DH's parents took out a US parent plus loan for his college tuition.

N0th9ng from my own parents but in-laws gave us money to move and I brought my hob cooker as well.

No, never had any help.
I'm in my 50s though, things were different when I was young and buying my first place, financially life was A LOT easier. A home was affordable for people on an ordinary wage, even in London. Times have changed. One thing that really pisses me off is when older people like me don't recognise how much harder young people have it today. I don't have a big, owned outright house because I worked particularly hard or was very frugal, I have it because I was housing was affordable back then, no other reason.

I've told this before on MN but it's a really good example of how times have changed.
I have some friends, married couple, two kids. They're both hcp in the NHS (not doctors). They live in a 90s three bed semi with a mortgage in the south west, she works about 25 hours a week, him full time, they go on holiday abroad in Europe about every other year.
Her parents both had very, very similar jobs and had two children. They live in a much nicer and bigger house in the south east (the house she grew up in) my friends couldn't afford to live in the south east. As a child she went on holiday to Europe every other year and her mother took ten years off while children were little, my friends couldn't afford this as both had to work. My friends parents are now both retired, the money they get in pensions is MORE than my friends combined income from working. And they retired earlier than my friend and her husband will be able to.

We had a small amount from in laws, but most of the house deposit came from us. I worked two jobs to pay the mortgage. DH is self employed and always worked 6 day weeks and long days.

We’ve paid for university, driving lessons, cars, housing expenses, wedding and £30k house deposit. The wedding and house deposit was most of my lump sum.

No help and to be honest I wouldn’t want it.

Me and DH, our parents just don’t have pots of spare money.

I've had the exact opposite, had to bail my mum out of rent arrears to stop her being evicted and now she's had to move in with my due to relationship breakdown and pays me £200 a month. I feel like I've got a child..

Our parents didn’t help us. We’re both 40 and were fortunate to have bought a house in our early 20’s, about 18 years ago. It’s much harder now.

We will definitely be helping our kids if we can in the future. We don’t have to, but if we’ve got spare money, I couldn’t imagine not helping them if they needed it. I’d rather them make use of the money when they need it more in their 20s, than inherit it when we die, which could be when they’re in their fifties or sixties if we live to a normal life expectancy.

I don’t understand your parents way, but try not to let it bother you as it sounds like the situation is unlikely to change. You’ll just get more resentful and feel worse if you keep thinking of it. 💐

Oh and when my own children are older, I don't want to give them anything towards a house deposit and don't think I should have to. Society shouldn't be structured in such a way that a young person's chances of owning their own house are so dependent on whether or not their parents owner a house and are willing to give them some money. Unfortunately without and drastic changes this is the society we have chosen for our kids so I'll probably end up giving them some money. It's lose, lose. Lose for me because I have to come up with the cash (remortgage?) and lose for them because they can't do it without me (or being much, much harder). I can't see any winners here.

I think a lot of older people were brought up in the"Hard work pays off ,we did it all on our own brigade" Seems really shit though! I think few of them actually realise how hard it is today .With houses being sky high, rent too, esp SE near where we are . If they are well off it seems mean they wont help.but you cant really make them! I have paid for Driving lessons , and will pay for a deposit on a flat if I can .

We are just turning 40 and due to living abroad and travelling in our 20s we missed the boat on 100% mortgages and cheaper house prices so have not been able to save for a deposit while renting and having 3 kids (yes I know our choice!) but no-one advised us in our 20s to save for a house as none of our parents owned a house.
My dad lives with his wife in her mother’s house so no inheritance there and anyway have seen him maybe 10 times since I was 12.
I’m NC with my mum but she’s in housing association anyway so no inheritance there either even if we were talking.
FIL also rents, and spent all his mums inheritance on travelling etc so again no inheritance there.
MIL used inheritance from her father to buy a house and DH Nan died this year so we are being gifted the money for a deposit.

So we are finally able to buy a house and have had an offer accepted! There’s no way we would have been able to get a 15% deposit together to buy a house in our county without this gift.

Mine are similarly wealthy but don't help financially and it does sting, especially as they paid my sister's London-prices rent for 6 years while she was studying. It actually makes me angry but try not to give the bitterness any headspace.

No help here. Paid for everything through shrewd financial decisions quite frankly. The only assistance my parents have given us is practical as dads a plumber (I made for the bathroom suite but he fitted it for free), never had much childcare help as they lived a long distance away and exh's never offered once

Oh and actually my parents did give each of my DD's money this year thinking about because they couldn't get summer jobs (students) I was very thankful

My parents had loads given them and they were set up for life. But a bit like your parents thought we should be independent and earn our own pennies.
I inherited from my GPS but was already financially sorted. My dc though massively benefited from inheritances and had enough for house deposits, driving lessons, cars etc.

Nope. No parental help here. Just hard work saving and getting a mortgage before kids -so no nursery fees other kid related expenses and free to work as much as possible
And we bought our first house. before the house prices shut up in the late 1990’s

I had nothing from my parents, in fact I supported my mum financially. Most if not all of my friends have had financial help.