Anyone else never had financial help from parents for house deposits etc?

[sausagedoglove]

I get so down when I read about all the people on MN, and friends IRL who have had the Bank of Mum and Dad help them out with house deposits or early inheritance, or even inheritance from grandparents to help pay down debt or upgrade their car etc.

I've had nothing and I've been told to expect nothing. My parents are well off, their house is paid off and currently undergoing extensive renovations all paid for in cash (over £100k), three investment properties (with mortgages) which is the income they'll be relying on when they retire in a few years, plus income from share portfolio.

It's their money, they can do what they want, but I do feel a bit down about it all.

My parents were very much "children are to be seen not heard" kind of people, and any money I come in to should be earned on my own. That's all fine, but the cost of housing in this country is crippling and they just don't get it. I'll be renting for the rest of my life and without capital I can't really grow my wealth much.

Anyone else?

And what, you're proud of being resentful and thinking your parents should give up their retirement to support their adult child?

I want my parents to enjoy their retirement, to do all the things they wanted to do when they were younger but they didnt have the money or time to do so and quite frankly, I'd be mortified to think they'd go without to provide for me, given that I'm an adult.

And no, I've had no parental input and I'm doing okay for myself.

Can you not see how selfish your line of thinking comes across?

No one i know had help from their parents, but then most of my friends have working class backgrounds so their parents are not in a position to help, apart from leaving them (and their siblings) their house when they die.

No, I think it is the parents that are selfish. Can't imagine hoarding owning several properties to myself and yet happy to let my grown children continue renting without a sizeable contribution to a deposit at least. Awful people. Nobody is asking them to 'give up their retirement'.

@raspberrymuffin yes I did move out at 18. I moved into a flat share. I worked at least 20 hours a weeks on top of full time college and when I left college I worked 2 jobs, one full time one part time. I also partied hard! If I hadn't had partied so much to be fair I would have been able to save up for central heating sooner!
Op you say you now have a DH and children so yes it may be harder for you to save for a deposit now as you need to be in a 2 bed place but that was your life choices 🤷🏻‍♀️ there's no point being annoyed that your parents won't gift you the money. If you want to buy you will have to see what sacrifices you can make.. can you move to a cheaper rented place? Any bills you can cut? (Tv packages/takeaways etc) I understand why you're annoyed at your parents but it is what it is.. it's up to you to decide what you want to do about your own living arrangements now.

No, I've never had a cash lump sum but I have had a lot of practical help that has definitely made a difference, both in reducing our costs and increasing my earning power.

I consider myself very lucky.

TBH I'm not sure having large sums land in your lap is very good for a person, it might seem like fantastic luck but I think we appreciate what we've earned more and so often these kinds of windfalls seem so come with strings attached or, the loss of someone dear.

Nope and they were loaded !! They helped my sister though!!🙄

We never had any help beyond the practical - my DF made furniture - but houses were much more affordable in our day! By the time my DM died, our mortgage was paid off so I invested this inheritance to share between my adult children for deposit help. Only one is left to take their share now. I am passing on the entirety instead of buying a second home to rent out. I just thought one house is enough, and it's much harder for the next generation than it was for us. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I feel for you OP.

My parents helped me out with my deposit 25 years ago. This allowed me to save more and I've been able to do the same for my children. That help back then allowed me to access better deals etc so has had a long term effect and I'm really grateful for it.

There's really no grey area with some posters is there?
I don't think anyone is suggesting their parents 'go without ' or give up their retirement.
I would imagine there are lots of parents who could give away £1000 without even noticing to children to whom it would make a big difference.

No help from family while alive - they didn’t have anything to give. My mum bought our family house for £80k in the early 90s and continually remortgaged it to live. She died at 61 with a massive mortgage and a lot of debt - because she died so young her life insurance covered it all, if she’d lived past retirement age there’d have been nothing. Of course I’m massively grateful for the share of the house I inherited as it allowed us to buy a very small house, but I’d much rather have my mum than a house, especially now we have children.

My older sister managed to get on to the property market in London before the financial crash and with a 100% mortgage plus help from her in-laws to clear their debts so they could get the mortgage. They made £300k profit on that house in 10 years - so the help they had then has made a massive difference to their lives.

You're an adult, time to work, save and have patience to achieve what you want rather than waiting for other people to make all your dreams come true.

Can you not see how selfish your line of thinking comes across?

100% agree with everything @FizzyDizzy121 said. I had no help and worked 2 jobs and took all the overtime I could get to save up my deposit. Never expected and never asked. As an adult that's what you do.

Instead of being jealous of what others have, you should be concentrating on what you and your DH can do to get on the property ladder.

I didn't have any help, my parents are/were extremely tight-fisted, although they own several houses and have multiple pensions. They are absolutely self-centered - it's almost a pathology with both of them in different ways - and I won't inherit anything either.

However I was lucky enough to be born at a time that enabled me to go to university for free and benefit from the property boom.

I don't swell with pride at the thought that I bought a central London flat for under £50k in the 1990s on a trainee salary, or reminisce about the sacrifices I made to be where I am today, because frankly I didn't have to make any. I was just bloody lucky, and my heart really does go out to later generations who've experienced the double whammy of the property price explosion and long-term wage stagnation.

I agree OP that seems harsh. My parents have benefitted hugely from rocketing house prices, high salaries due to inflation and excellent pensions and have supported all three of their children financially as they were able to without really impacting their lifestyle. We are hugely hugely appreciative and they always tell us how lucky they have been and how they are happy to help. I hope to be in a position to help my own children when the time comes and pass the generosity onwards. I don’t think anyone expects parents without the money to go into debt etc so their children can live it up in huge houses. But the sad fact is many parents are baby boomers and are much better off financially compared to their children. It IS harder to get on the property ladder or have a high enough salary to save nowadays.

Never had a penny since I was 16. They have helped my sister out a lot who makes bad choices and is always pleading hard up.

I haven't had any financial help, but I'm old so benefitted from sensible house prices and student grants rather than loans.

I do hope to be able to give my children a wodge of money when they've grown up though. I'm saving what I can at the moment, and will likely downsize when the time comes.

Exactly for the reasons you give op - crippling rent and house prices make it impossible for the vast majority of people to have the standard of living that my and your parents generations have enjoyed.

Sorry but they sound tight AF. My parents helped both me and my brother towards a deposit and are in nowhere near the successful position of your parents .

I never received any support from my single mother. She wouldn’t have it to give, but I wouldn’t ask even if she did. She made her own way in life without help, so i decided from a young age I was going to also.
DH also has not received any support from parents, similar sentiments.
From our early 20’s we knew some day we would want a house and if we were ever going to have it we needed to start then. So we did. We saved, sacrificed, worked hard, worked our way up in our jobs and now have a beautiful home that we are very happy with (bought at 27).
I personally believe availing of bank and mum and dad should only apply if there is a good reason you don’t have money together. But if you made poor choices, spent it on handbags, nights out, fancy holidays etc. No mercy.
I’m a firm believer that you get out of something what ever you put in.

A friend of mine was a little jealous when I bought my house. She turned to the bank of mum and dad, she has it now with her partner, but she’s still not a contented person and seems resentful of other people. She hasn’t set herself up like me and other friends and needs a lodger to cover the mortgage which she always complains about, and makes comments about things people do and have.
Maybe I’m harsh saying to buy your own house and stop complaining, but at least now I can safely say that because I worked for it I’m satisfied and also live very comfortably without ever needing support anyone anyone.

Nothing for our house deposit either. My parents couldn't afford it.
SIL got £10k from PIL towards hers and all her wedding paid for. DH got nothing.
They're in their 80's now and the cash just piles up in the bank. They do everything on the cheap and spend nothing. No-ones enjoying it.
DS1 is 18 next month and will probably get the usual £25 cheque. I get £20.

DH and I are both working class, my parents were brought up in dire poverty, DH's were slightly better off. My grandparents died before I hit my teens, my parents inherited nothing. I left school at 16, so did DH.
Both of our fathers are now dead, we inherited nothing from them.

So no, I didn't get a house deposit or inheritance at all. I don't know if any of my friends have ever benefited from parents or grandparents helping them out, it's not something I've ever discussed with them.

^I appreciate you made immense sacrifices to get on the ladder but when you were in your 20s the housing market was very different to when I was in my 20s. It's almost impossible to buy on a single income in the south east without a big helping hand ☹️ I'm not saying it's impossible though*

But why do you only have one income when you are married ? I assumed from your OP you were single or a lone parent as you said “ I” and not “we”.

And you don’t have to live in such an expensive area.

And you don’t have to have several children relatively young.

All things things were your choice OP. Many of the people who have posted made other choices and that’s why they own their house.

I think having no help 10 years ago and no help now is very different. House price increases and a very difficult job market has made it utterly shit for 20 somethings now.

Tightfistedness is a generational theme in my family.

When my dgm died about £150k was discovered either literally stuffed under the mattress or scattered across various bank accounts. In life she had constantly pleaded poverty, was too tight to turn on the heating in her house and had never sent any of my dc so much as a birthday card.

I so don't want to be like that, and although I want a comfortable old age I want to help my dc as much as I can while I'm alive.

My parents never helped with anything at all apart from paying for my wedding. In-laws gave us a house deposit and help buying a car. Without them we would really have struggled at points. My parents were extremely reluctant to help out even though they could afford it.

@CremeEggThief that's similar to me. It was always a no if I wanted to do any hobby type things that cost money. So I never asked. Younger siblings did though....

Is it a generational thing? I'm almost 60 and have never had a penny from my parents after the age of 18.

I'm still working full time, still paying a mortgage and still got last child in full time education. I've not financially helped out my older DC - I can't afford to and they wouldn't expect it. I won't be helping the younger one either. When I finally can afford to retire I don't expect to be particularly comfortably off, but hopefully will manage.

I would expect my children to support themselves and find it a bit odd that others don't. I don't know anyone whose parent helped them financially - but that is possibly because of my age and social circle.