Fuckkkkkkkk, I told DD the naughty kids get the headteacher awards and then she went and told the other kids 😬

[Allwhiteeverythin]

School run is going to be fun today ffs

DD came out of school last Friday upset the same kid had the award for the 3rd time this term. She’s had it once since reception. I lost my temper a bit and just said “oh did they just give it to the naughty kids to make them feel better you already know how to behave” .

Which she then repeated to the other kids at school yesterday . Teacher told me after school and said she hadn’t realised this kid had had it 3 times (naughtiest kid in the class obvs).

They’re going to go home and tell their parents aren’t they?

The kids know this already - DS worked this out on his own in reception.

It will blow over - the next Big News will come and it will be old news.

Some people seem very defensive... If your child receives a lot of awards it may be because they are very good or extremely well-behaved. No one is saying otherwise. However it is very true that the naughty children get rewarded when they have a day off and this can seem very unfair to the other children. The mistake that OP made is that she told her child when she was too young to keep quiet about it.

Just wear an odd hat or mismatching shoes next school run and they will all forget about Awardsgate.

Well if they're going to play a ridiculous charade at the expense of your kids self esteem them fuck them, they deserve to be called on their bullshit 🤣

Johnny gets star of the week because he managed a whole week without hitting anyone!!! Yay! Round of applause.

Cue 29 kids with this face cos they've not hit anyone all year.

You have no idea whats going on with any of the children. "Nice MC kids " parents still get made redundant , get addicted, never see their kids cos they are working etc

What's that got to do with anything? Our heads awards weren't given for challenging family circumstances.

Perhaps accept that your quiet, diligent child never does anything that amazing?

At DC’s school all children has at least one of them throughout a year so no one feels left out but some more than others!

Tbh it was a silly thing to say and quite nasty!

My son has got a Friday assembly reward for taking part in sports day once and another for taking part in his school play amongst other things. Something that other children wouldn’t get a reward for as it’s normal for them but he has autism and finds these things very difficult and some years has not taken part (his own choice). It’s about giving children that may struggle self esteem. I understand the frustration that your child hasn’t got one but still a very silly thing to say when your daughter has repeated it!

It's not the other way round though is it cinders. The naughty kids get it. The high achievers like your child gets it. The middle of the road child don't. Despite their hard work.

Well if they're going to play a ridiculous charade at the expense of your kids self esteem them fuck them, they deserve to be called on their bullshit

Absolutely.

If your kids have it easy enough to be coasting through school without really standing out, you should think them (and yourselves) very lucky. I think most of the kids you all describe as ‘naughty’ would love to find school that straightforward. My DS (late teens now) has a heart of gold, would help anyone with anything and regularly goes out of his way for others. Yet his self esteem is on the floor because of parents like many of you who think of him as ‘the naughty one’. He actually heard himself being whispered about in this vein when he was only 5. He was later diagnosed with autism and adhd and every day of his life has been a slog. If he had a disability that made walking difficult and managed to do a lap of the playground when all the other kids did that easily on a daily basis, you’d all be cheering for him. Because his disability is neurological you all think it’s ok to mock his struggles to your children, in order to make them feel better about themselves. What lovely young humans you must be raising.

We had an actual star with the child’s name on it stuck on the door so you could see who had already had it. Another class had rockets. One had it on a board with stars all around it and a list of the names.

You could always tell your daughter you were joking!

The best response to this was my very grand friend when her quiet beautifully behaved son once again over looked “we don’t need external validation in our family darling” 😁

I’ve said similar in the past OP and this situation is all too common - awards for the most ‘visible’ children. My DC’s are now in the middle of secondary and fall under the radar. I gave up any hope of fairness at secondary school when the PE teachers chose their favourite for the umpteenth time in a row to award for a sport the child hadn’t even participated in that year! They were left a bit red-faced when it was pointed out.

Think you’ve touched a raw nerve with some people on here though 😅

Because his disability is neurological you all think it’s ok to mock his struggles to your children, in order to make them feel better about themselves. What lovely young humans you must be raising.

It doesn't mean your child should get the reward every week though does it. And not all the naughty kids have autism, and not all kids with autism are naughty either ffs . And my kids weren't coasting. They worked hard just to keep up. It would be nice if that had been acknowledged for once too.

Does Star of the Week actually have a positive effect on children’s behaviour? Has anybody ever researched whether behaviour and self-esteem of children is generally better in schools which do this every week than in schools which don’t? It certainly doesn’t seem to make parents very happy, nor the children who can’t work out what to do to get such an award.

I’d probably say the same although to be fair my sons school is actually quite fair with them unlike my school where the naughty kids got them

Ex KS2 teacher here. I kept a checklist in my diary that was exactly the same list as the register. If I awarded a ‘Star Of The Week’ certificate it was entirely at random, with that child’s name struck through.

But oh! If that week’s recipient was the class horror, the wails & moans from the parents! Likewise if it happened to be the child of the head of the PTA.

I used ‘well done’ stickers as a better metric for good behaviour/work/helping etc (both on jumpers or in work books & contact books) & it cost me a fortune! A far better metric of good effort. I mulled over using a stamp on work, but even Yr6 like stickers!

Half the issue & stress with it all is gossipy parents, getting utterly the wrong end of the stick half the time over the sodding things.

Which is why, when I changed career (through disability & the rising paperwork taking time away on weekends & evenings from my own family) I’d stand in my children’s school playground with headphones in & a scowl. I can’t be doing with competition parenting & mindless gossip.

I don’t think parents know how much this idle, unsubstantiated twaddle that bubbles up in the playground & filters down to the children (and, as in OP’s case, has) adds to the day to day stresses & classroom relationships.

A pound to a penny OP’s child’s class teacher will not be impressed at having to fight thatfire...

@MsTSwift

The best response to this was my very grand friend when her quiet beautifully behaved son once again over looked “we don’t need external validation in our family darling” 😁

How brilliant. Perfect response!

Dd1 has a lovely friend who is very “visible” enthusiastic, smiley very jazz hands teachers absolutely love her. Dd is good conscientious hard working but much lower key. I was pissed off when a small group were invited to a “prep for Oxbridge” meeting and lovely friend was invited and dd wasn’t despite dd having way better marks. Aired my 🙄🙄 to dh only though!

Quite often, it is the case so don't apologise!

I’d say the same to my dd because it’s true. All parents know it. It’s always the little shits in the class that get awarded because they managed to keep their hands to themselves for 5 seconds.

The star of the week is a dream compared to... ‘take the class teddy home for the weekend’...

The teacher should be thinking of more imaginative awards. Yes, a child whose behaviour has improved probably deserves recognition of that. But 3 times in one term? Either the teacher has a view of the child as naughty and they're actually not (probably just their name or parents as certain teachers love a good pigeonhole) OR needs to come up with a reward system for that child, not unusual with children who do need extra support to "fit in" to the classroom. OR that child is the only one not pissing about in class, despite what you've decided.

Bloody ironic you chose to be a bitch about another child at the start of antibullying week. Well done for contributing to the idea in your child that any child "standing out" needs knocking down a peg or two. Don't be too surprised when your child gets on the receiving end of the same treatment.

Been a parent for 17 years-I don't even notice who has star of the week now with my youngest. It's not an important thing unless you make it into a big issue. Yes it could be seen to be frustrating that little Johnny gets it for leaving his lighter at home and not attempting to burn 29 other kids hair off and the toilets down. ( true story) However theres always a reason why this is happening-hardly the 6 yr olds fault he has a lighter in school. I think when you realise there are children who don't get a stable home or have additional needs then you stop begrudging them these small wins.

@nancypineapple

Been a parent for 17 years-I don't even notice who has star of the week now with my youngest. It's not an important thing unless you make it into a big issue. Yes it could be seen to be frustrating that little Johnny gets it for leaving his lighter at home and not attempting to burn 29 other kids hair off and the toilets down. ( true story) However theres always a reason why this is happening-hardly the 6 yr olds fault he has a lighter in school. I think when you realise there are children who don't get a stable home or have additional needs then you stop begrudging them these small wins.

Hear hear.