Fuckkkkkkkk, I told DD the naughty kids get the headteacher awards and then she went and told the other kids 😬

[Allwhiteeverythin]

School run is going to be fun today ffs

DD came out of school last Friday upset the same kid had the award for the 3rd time this term. She’s had it once since reception. I lost my temper a bit and just said “oh did they just give it to the naughty kids to make them feel better you already know how to behave” .

Which she then repeated to the other kids at school yesterday . Teacher told me after school and said she hadn’t realised this kid had had it 3 times (naughtiest kid in the class obvs).

They’re going to go home and tell their parents aren’t they?

@MsTSwift

Dd1 has a lovely friend who is very “visible” enthusiastic, smiley very jazz hands teachers absolutely love her. Dd is good conscientious hard working but much lower key. I was pissed off when a small group were invited to a “prep for Oxbridge” meeting and lovely friend was invited and dd wasn’t despite dd having way better marks. Aired my 🙄🙄 to dh only though!

That's bad. Are you talking about sixth formers? Surely they should just invite everybody while giving an indication of the grades that Oxbridge are likely to expect. I think that's what happens at DCs school .By sixth form this should be able to work it out for themselves whether they could potentially get in.

Thing is OP you’re right, the ‘naughty’ kids do seem to get more awards and praise. I wouldn’t worry it’ll pass.

I really hate this system of choosing one or two children each week. It's very unfair, since the nice middle of the road kids, who aren't disruptive but also not standing out, are consistently overlooked. Those children do notice and it does hurt them. Awards always seem to go to either naughty kids, as a motivational tool or those who have natural talent but don't necessarily put in more effort.
What you said was true even if it wasn't tactful. Better imo to be honest with your dc rather than cover up injustice, just because it comes via the school. To do otherwise insults your child's intelligence. If it makes the teacher look more closely at the rewards system then it's a good thing. Schools would do better to scrap the whole thing and give personal praise to children whose behaviour has improved or who have worked particularly hard on a specific piece of work.

Yes they may tell their parents but who cares - it's the truth and they would do well to hear it. No that the majority will care, no doubt.

When I was at school it wasn’t like this at all. The ‘naughty’ kids were punished and the ‘teachers pet’ got the awards and ‘nice jobs’. Was that just how it was in the 70s?

It's the truth and I really wouldn't give a shit for saying so.

@D4rwin

The teacher should be thinking of more imaginative awards. Yes, a child whose behaviour has improved probably deserves recognition of that. But 3 times in one term? Either the teacher has a view of the child as naughty and they're actually not (probably just their name or parents as certain teachers love a good pigeonhole) OR needs to come up with a reward system for that child, not unusual with children who do need extra support to "fit in" to the classroom. OR that child is the only one not pissing about in class, despite what you've decided. Bloody ironic you chose to be a bitch about another child at the start of antibullying week. Well done for contributing to the idea in your child that any child "standing out" needs knocking down a peg or two. Don't be too surprised when your child gets on the receiving end of the same treatment.

Well said. OP is a bit of a passive-aggressive bully, using her kids to get the message across.

I think that is simply disgusting parential behaviour.

Well you're not wrong. In our primary a child who regularly misbehaved and had actually been suspended at one point got a highly coveted award at the end of the year. It gave completely the wrong impression to all the other boys and girls. DD however is a high achiever and for lack of a better term, a suck up. A teachers pet. She too always gets awards. It feel for the middle kids who do get ignored.
We all say things, often a harsh truth in exasperation. Don't fret, you won't be the only mum who's thought or said the same thing to their kid.

Bella no year 9🙄. Dh went to Cambridge himself and said it was bollocks at the time

Was that just how it was in the 70s?

Seems to be. These days we reward bad behaviour too. And you see that reflected right across society.

Don't be too surprised when your child gets on the receiving end of the same treatment

It's not likely is it. As ops child is in the largely ignored middle group.

It's a really difficult one and I'm a bit on the fence about it. I definitely agree that the kids with challenges need to have some kind of positive reinforcement for their good behaviour. Everyone knows that punishing bad behaviour doesn't work. But I also think that those in the middle who may struggle too but not so obviously and rarely reach the top can be overlooked.

I have one son who won everything, excelled academically and was always chosen for stuff because he's charming and funny. I've got another one who's a bit more serious, quietly lovely and never won a thing until secondary school, when he won something for honourable behaviour. Tbh he would have benefited more than my other child and he still blossoms when someone (other than me) gives him praise. Maybe one award a week isn't enough because it means there's enough to go round over the year. They should have e.g. a head teacher's award and a star pupil award for each class.

*there isn't

Yup my son has just left primary school and despite being a helpful cheerful bit quiet child and a pleasure to have in the class type kid he didn't get star of the week the child who was suspended for attacking him and his other classmates did the "star" also got extra points if he didn't attack anyone so he got all the way up to gold in the yearly rewards system my son never made it past bronze by year three he stopped trying completely so it was a bit of an own goal really

But then this primary school has weird rules around punishment children who misbehave in class get shunted into the lower years with an ipad 🙄 had i known a couple of years ago I might have withdrawn them

Kids are not daft - they mostly work this out in their own.
My DC came home from school in year 4 to say that 'Billy' had got star of the week for "not throwing a chair at anyone this week"

My DC had actually spent much of that week (at the request of the teacher) sat at a little table in the corridor with 'Billy' teaching him the basics of fractions! 😮

Don't feel guilty for pointing out the obvious...maybe they'll will think more carefully about who they are awarding to in future.

So why but have different awards then - so for achievements (doing a brilliant bit of work, being kind, etc) and ‘achievements’ (ie hitting targets - handing in all homework, working on positive behaviours, owning up to ‘bad’ behaviour, etc)?

@MsTSwift

The best response to this was my very grand friend when her quiet beautifully behaved son once again over looked “we don’t need external validation in our family darling” 😁

I shall be using this at every opportunity. I can't thank you enough.

The teacher should keep track. In DS's class Star of the Week was an opportunity to focus positive attention on every kid, including the quiet kids and the badly behaved ones. The kids have to find something nice to say about the star (if all else failed my DS was "funny") They got a little chart with their name on it and some of the nice things other kids had said. I saw a lovely chart for one of the "quiet" kids, saying he was a good friend etc. In a class of 30 no-one should really get it more than once so everyone can have a turn. And the naughty kid gets it the first time the teacher finds a whole week when he didn't do anything really atrocious (which could take months) then the teacher heaves a sigh of relief and moves on.

When I hear other parents letting slip a fairly controversial opinion like that it makes me warm to them tbh.
It’s like that moment when an acquaintance suddenly lets their guard down and says something you weren’t expecting and you suddenly think of them more as a friend.

OP, I'd stand by your words if I was you. No shame in the truth.

Same used to happen at my kids previous school. The ones who quietly got on with work were forgotten - the awards went to the little shits who'd given the teacher a bit of peace for once, or the gobby, pushy ones. Once DD didn't get it until May.... she was so upset and convinced the teacher didn't like her (she was right). Coveted end of year award for a boy for reading, despite the fact his violent bullying conduct had several other kids in therapy. It stinks.

Happened in my secondary school too. Giving the straight A students like me merits was demotivating to the other kids apparently. Merits were reserved for the mediocre who did something good once in a while, or the naughty kids who managed to behave all lesson.

I know I sound sneery - this is exactly the sort of judgment and skepticism these things breed. The teacher instigated the problem by failing to notice the same naughty kid had the award 3 times.

You were utterly stupid to say that, but you can't change what's happened. You need to be very, very apologetic

She wasn't and she doesn't.

OP, I don't think you're a passive-aggressive bully, or demonstrating 'simply disgusting parential behaviour' (sic). Jesus fucking Christ. Madness.

These things are always a sop to the badly-behaved children - and everyone knows it. There's no way it should have been given to the same child three times because, quite apart from anything else, if my child won it three times on the bounce, I'd be very worried . . .

Probably wasn't the greatest thing to say, but we all come out with stuff to make our kids feel better, without fully thinking through the consequences at times.

My, now beautifully behaved, dd was very 'spirited when she was younger, and won these awards regularly because it encouraged her to try, my other dd rarely won any because she was always very good, so ime you're not wrong.

I accept that some children with challenging behaviours or unstable home lives need more validation at school than others. However, it’s not just challenging kids, it is also the visible, jazz hands, already brimming with confidence kids, who are more noticed by the teachers and it’s often those kids’ names on the teachers’ lips when talking about who to award or who to choose for a special task because they’ve probably got their hand up constantly shouting ‘pick me miss’.

Why not choose one of the well-behaved quiet, under the radar kids for a change and give them a chance to shine and give them a bit of a confidence boost? It’s not being nasty pointing out that this group is constantly over-looked.

All kids deserve to be noticed and recognised by their teachers.