Fuckkkkkkkk, I told DD the naughty kids get the headteacher awards and then she went and told the other kids 😬

[Allwhiteeverythin]

School run is going to be fun today ffs

DD came out of school last Friday upset the same kid had the award for the 3rd time this term. She’s had it once since reception. I lost my temper a bit and just said “oh did they just give it to the naughty kids to make them feel better you already know how to behave” .

Which she then repeated to the other kids at school yesterday . Teacher told me after school and said she hadn’t realised this kid had had it 3 times (naughtiest kid in the class obvs).

They’re going to go home and tell their parents aren’t they?

I can see there's a lot of people on here who think that positive reinforcement is a bad thing.

I wonder what happens to them in real life?

We grow up thinking its normal to be a door mat, to let peole treat us like crap in the belief that they cant possibly mean it and that its probably our fault anyway.

The ones used to set the example and absorb the problems whilst the other kids get a reward for something you do every day, anyway

My DC have been to two primary schools and I’ve never experienced this. Every child in the class has to get the award before they’ll give the same person it again.

@Whatwouldscullydo

We grow up thinking its normal to be a door mat, to let peole treat us like crap in the belief that they cant possibly mean it and that its probably our fault anyway.

Speak for yourself!!

I didn’t grow up thinking like that
And nor do my children

@5zeds

Well what a total arse you are.

This. It's also untrue about the schools I've worked in, all ten of them.

@Whatwouldscullydo

We grow up thinking its normal to be a door mat, to let peole treat us like crap in the belief that they cant possibly mean it and that its probably our fault anyway.

This.

I said something along these lines to my 6 yo DD the other week.
She mentioned that such and such had got an award for kindness or tidying or something, and said 'but I help the teacher tidy up every day and I'm always kind to my friends (which is true!) and I haven't been in the recognition book'. She was a bit down about it.
I explained that only one child from the class could get the award that week, it didn't mean that all the other children hadn't done well too, and that maybe some children needed a bit more encouragement to be kind, tidy etc. Whereas she already knew how to do these things.
It's understandable but it's not very fair. As with many policies to target children who are struggling with behaviour and performance, it puts children who don't need help down the list of priorities and this does have an impact on them.

Secondary taught me you don't have to put in the effort to be a decent person to get the maximum benefit. It allowed me to work on my manipulation skills (I have a personality disorder)

Certainly by secondary school id well and truly learnt that it didnt matter how hard you worked, how well you behaved , or what you did, if your face didn't fit, you will remain invisible until someone wants something from you...

I used to feel bad for those kids Scully. You could see it in their eye how hurt they were. It was never a surprise when they would finally crack and starting "rebelling". Even when asked to do something exceptional for them, no recognition at all.

Rough school, high level of fsm, no after school clubs. Many parents out of work, kids in care, drug and alcohol abuse so no money for ballerina or whatever. Going home to dysfunctional homes, yet because they were coping in school, nothing. It's those who should be getting well dones in the hopes they won't follow their parents footsteps.

Would have shown the rest of us, you want that, behave. I could have easily behaved. It was too easy to coast and cause trouble for the teachers and get all the bonuses, than do the work properly and get what? A couple of GCSE's at the end? Where's the fun in that?

I had a 2 or 3 friends in secondary who would have had every reason to cause problems in school. I was probably the lucky one I had what you would consider a normal home. My brother was a vicious twat who used to be aggressive towards me on a regular basis but other than that all pretty normal. We all just kept our heads down and did our work.

All if us were bullied at primary. I used to spend most my lunch times on my own hiding out keeping out the way. Course the class clowns and the kids who were mean to me were all still somehow a part of things more than i was in class

I remember looking back at my old school reports it was like none of the teachers even for lessons I enjoyed seemed to even really know me. My predicted grades were pretty bad, its not even as if I knuckled down and pulled it out the bag at the end , I carried on as I was... so God knows what the grades and reports were all about. or who

It really does make you wonder why you bother.

Its not even as if you begrudge other kids getting recognition, just don't underestimate how it can make the others feel when you are quite happy to take the credit for their grades on your a-c grade reports, quite happy to let them sit and take the disruption next to them knowing they don't say anything, but the rest of the time its like you don't exist

It's also untrue about the schools I've worked in, all ten of them.

10 schools?!

@CorianderBlues

It's also untrue about the schools I've worked in, all ten of them.

10 schools?!

Yes, 10. Three for teacher training, three as an active governor and four as paid employment.

Yeah, happened in both my cs primaries. Always the naughty, sorry challenging, ones who got the awards time and time again. The well behaved ones were never rewarded.
It did used to annoy me because I think it gives a real shit message to the ones who do behave and put in the effort and are kind at school.
One kid was awarded it the week after he had bashed my ds(8)'s head into a flint wall and then stamped on him. But apparantly he was rewarded because he had acknowledged that what he did was wrong. Its laughable.

It will be forgotten within a week.

Though if your DD is prone to repeating things you say, you could have a lot of fun with this!

I told my DD that too. I made sure she understood fully that mostly behaviour awards are there to support the kid’s who have difficulties and have to try really hard everyday. She is very empathetic and knew she wouldn’t say anything negative about it to anyone.

No one is saying positive reinforcement is bad. Only that all children need praise and rewards and that rewarding kids who have bashed other kids' heads into glint walls devalues a rewards system because it's noticeably unfair.

I understand why schools do this but it doesn't make it easier for the 6 year old who is always kind, works hard and always tidied up etc. She is very bright so I know she'll get the rewards later in her school life but that doesn't matter when you're in year 2- you just want to recognition for being good.

@NerrSnerr

I understand why schools do this but it doesn't make it easier for the 6 year old who is always kind, works hard and always tidied up etc. She is very bright so I know she'll get the rewards later in her school life but that doesn't matter when you're in year 2- you just want to recognition for being good.

Exactly. Which is why nobody is against positive reinforcement which a PP bizarrely concluded, but positive reinforcement for all.

And argue that it’s even more important for all when there are difficult behaviours in the class because that’s tough on all the children. And while I think it’s fine and great for them to be inclusive, absolutely vital even, that should extend to them all getting a nod of appreciation for their work and good behaviour.