Fuckkkkkkkk, I told DD the naughty kids get the headteacher awards and then she went and told the other kids 😬

[Allwhiteeverythin]

School run is going to be fun today ffs

DD came out of school last Friday upset the same kid had the award for the 3rd time this term. She’s had it once since reception. I lost my temper a bit and just said “oh did they just give it to the naughty kids to make them feel better you already know how to behave” .

Which she then repeated to the other kids at school yesterday . Teacher told me after school and said she hadn’t realised this kid had had it 3 times (naughtiest kid in the class obvs).

They’re going to go home and tell their parents aren’t they?

What's the issue? Sometimes it's true, so what?

Sometimes the "good" and consistent behaviour is never acknowledged, the consistent hard work, and efforts goes unnoticed

Meanwhile, the "naughty" (or disruptive or whatever you call them) child gets in line or tidy up ONCE and gets an effort.

At some point the children will realise it pays to not bother most of the time and make an effort ONCE. It's a horrible way to teach them.

Sometimes, the children are given things in turn and when it's only November, there's plenty of time for the whole class to be acknowledged.

But let's be honest, giving the same 3 awards to a young child in 2 months and none to others is bad practice. It might be well deserved when they are older, but at 5?

Who cares if your child repeated it? Others will either think it's silly , or realise it's true.

@TicTacTwo

*If the teacher is unobservant and crap perhaps.

A good teacher will have insight and exercise appropriate judgement and skill.*

Ime many forget the kids that are missing and don't cause trouble until it's at least the summer term and they twig that they haven't had a turn at winning yet. Best case scenario is when they keep a list and the quiet kids get a go at winning before the end of the school year. Worst case scenario they are forgotten until the next school year and the same thing happens again.
There are 39 weeks of school. Assuminh 30 kids in the class each child should win at least once (ideally twice) and there's a few extra slots for the kids who need the encouragement.

But if they do “forget” and lose sight of that

They surely they aren’t particularly good teachers?

My point is... I trust and highly rate the teachers if my children. So who they award - I trust their judgment.

As I have bugger all idea if the ins and outs of Monday to Friday 7 hours a day, and what they know.

You can dress it up all you like! It's jealousy pure and simple

Yeah, cool story bro. I'm well jel of all those shit parents out there 😉

Agree with Badtattoo. It’s not helping these kids they will get a hell of a shock at secondary...

We therefore understand why occasional bursts of good behaviour or effort need to be rewarded. But kids don’t see it that way. All they see is that they work hard and behave well every day, whilst the kid who messes around all the time gets a gold star on the one day he works quietly.

They do if you have explained it to them. DD has known this pretty much since she started primary school because we discussed it with her. Or, you can just tell your kid these naughty little buggers deserve no empathy and just add to their bitterness.

You can dress it up all you like! It's jealousy pure and simple.

Er, no, it isn't. Try reading the OP's post again?

@MintyMabel

We therefore understand why occasional bursts of good behaviour or effort need to be rewarded. But kids don’t see it that way. All they see is that they work hard and behave well every day, whilst the kid who messes around all the time gets a gold star on the one day he works quietly.

They do if you have explained it to them. DD has known this pretty much since she started primary school because we discussed it with her. Or, you can just tell your kid these naughty little buggers deserve no empathy and just add to their bitterness.

I explained it to DD eventually as well but I wouldn't have explained it when she was of the age where she would repeat things. It actually is pretty much what OP told her DD after all and that is what has caused the trouble.

@ShinyGreenElephant

When l was teaching the unkind kids never ever got a head teacher award, although you would have to find some kind of opportunity to give them star of the week at some point. You might however give it to kids who were trying hard to overcome their struggles - I know I gave it twice in one term to a little boy who's mum was a violent drunk and often missed his adhd tablets as he hadnt been fed, or because he'd had to go to another family member the night before after being left at school until 5/6pm when his mum never turned up. He was bloody hard work but tried so, so hard and had a heart of gold which the other kids understood. If I knew a parent was going round telling the other kids he just got the award because he was naughty I would have been disgusted. Very very few kids are just 'naughty' - they all have their reasons whether its parents spoiling them rotten, parents neglecting their needs, SN or mental health, and sometimes the teachers don't even know never mind the rest of the class. Or some kids are 'naughty because their parents are judgy and superior and encourage their children to be the same way

What a lovely post, Shiney. Your children were lucky to have you

@Whatwouldscullydo

Of course the naughty children should get it. Nice well behaved MC kids will be fine (and I say that as a mother of three nice MC kids who rarely won anything)

You have no idea whats going on with any of the children. "Nice MC kids " parents still get made redundant , get addicted, never see their kids cos they are working etc

Now who's judging..

On the face of it I was a Naice MC kid. Behind the scenes I was a latch key kid that rarely had a hot meal and whose (single mum) worked so many hours that I often took myself to bed without seeing her. I won an award once in 4 years. I was desperate for recognition, and was a helpful, polite, bright child. It's shit being the invisible kids.

It’s a true statement, you did nothing wrong in telling your dd the fundamentals of school life. I’m a teacher & it’s the only way rubbish teachers have any control of certain pupils.

That doesn't sound fair to me, in my boys school all of the kids seem to have it at least once during the year, some get it twice. They wouldn't give it out to the same child that many times so close to beginning of term. My son had it two weeks in a row last year and I thought it was a mistake lol

All parents know this. Apart from the naughty kids parents who think they have a perfect child!

Funny enough happens at my ds school my own ds had a huge meltdown at school and the next week he got the award and he has never had it before he had a melt down as he was being picked on by the kid who normally wins it

@ShinyGreenElephant that's all well and good if you're also making a conscious effort to acknowledge and reward other kids' good behaviour.

Nine times out of ten that doesn't seem to be the case.

And I'm not talking about throwing gold stars around like they're going out of fashion but sad as some kids' personal circumstances are, other kids aren't responsible for that.

And as I said upthread, while we as adults might understand that, kids often won't.

The whole gold star/star of the week/headteacher award idea should be scrapped or distributed fairly. I have no doubt that every single child would merit a win at least one week out of the whole academic year.

It's not difficult to find a reason for primary school kids.

If you can't find a reason for every child to win it then you shouldn't be giving it out, IMO.

OR you just be fair about it and don't give it to a kid who is a little shite 99% of the time but you feel sorry for him, or use it as a tool to make him occasionally behave himself thereby insuring that he wins three times in one term as in the case of the OP.

If you can't find a reason for every child to win it then you shouldn't be giving it out, IMO

I say the same things about attendance awards.

Nothing like making a kid feel shit about themselves cos the only thing worth noting about them is they show up...

OP, if it makes you feel any better, our child is also 5 and in Year 1.

The same child in his class has ‘won’ the Headteachers Award for 10 weeks since they returned back in September. Her family ‘donate’ money to the school but it’s now looking like they’re ‘buying‘ the awards....but you can’t tell the youngsters that!

When someone raised it as a grievance to the Head, she told the parents their children need to become resilient and need to have something to aspire to . She categorically said there is no rota system.

It’s very unfair on the children that genuinely do try hard & don’t get acknowledged. At some point, they’ll probably stop trying, lose enthusiasm, lose any confidence they do have.

It’s a form of bullying from an adult that should know better.

@5zeds

Well what a total arse you are.

Why, though? Are you saying that what OP said was incorrect? Or that it is correct but it should be kept a secret?

FWIW I wouldn't worry about it OP, most parents are already aware, and you never know, maybe the teacher will stop overlooking the 'consistently good' kids.

The naughty kids always get the prizes tale as old as time. The children learn it themselves eventually.

I was a naughty child so I got to do the registers and give out the milk and “help” out in reception to get out of lessons. Always getting head teacher stickers for basic work.

Ds class one particular lad same as I was and was forever in the well done sections or gets to do their work like this or goes out for extra pe etc middle child in her year it’s the kids who misbehave again who get the awards. Not picked up the theme yet in youngest but I’m sure it will appear, it’s just poor teaching tbh.

Means the other kids don’t even try. I remember one particular time the entire class had to be evacuated out the class as Child was having a rage moment. They got honours award two weeks later for always trying their best.

I explained it to DD eventually as well but I wouldn't have explained it when she was of the age where she would repeat things. It actually is pretty much what OP told her DD after all and that is what has caused the trouble.

Entirely possible to explain it without effectively calling the kids little shits.

@Whatwouldscullydo

If you can't find a reason for every child to win it then you shouldn't be giving it out, IMO

I say the same things about attendance awards.

Nothing like making a kid feel shit about themselves cos the only thing worth noting about them is they show up...

Yes, and for the kids who will never win it - like my child who is a chronic asthmatic and inevitably misses some school for treatment.

I have always told my kids that's not a real award. Turning up to something you're supposed to turn up to isn't an achievement.

And year after year I watch kids who were sent in sick walk out with their piece of paper and think "I'm so happy for you. Thanks for bringing in flu/a vomiting bug/the plague because your parents wouldn't do the decent thing and keep you home."

My anger is of course not aimed AT the children but at the adults involved, including the educators who think an "award" like that is a good idea in the first place!

I think it's also down to some adults not realising/understanding that children are very perceptive. They do notice the inequalities that surround them, and their feelings are often overlooked because they have to always consider others.

It's about finding a balance ime. That it's ok for us to be "selfish" at times. I personally found many issues with the message that you go along with things even if you don't like it regardless of the situation. That other peoples feelings/wants etc are more important than your own, when this really isn't always the case.

That just because someone may, or may not have x,y or z it gives them a license to do whatever and it will be rewarded. Not something I wanted to promote. It would have been incredibly unfair for all mine. Allowances given, yes. Understanding, empathy and all the rest, yes. But a reward for not battering each other? no.

Think about the toddler years. Imagine giving them a reward every time they didn't bite you, throw the food off the tray, have a tantrum etc simply because they haven't done it for a few days or hours? For some, this is what is happening to earn those rewards.

Means the other kids don’t even try.

Perhaps the kids who are NT and for whom good behaviour is a choice, would be better served by parents who teach them not everything should be done for a reward.

I remember one particular time the entire class had to be evacuated out the class as Child was having a rage moment. They got honours award two weeks later for always trying their best.
How do you know this child wasn't trying their best?

Are you saying that what OP said was incorrect? Or that it is correct but it should be kept a secret?

Its kind of a conundrum isn't it. Expect our kids to know that they are meaningless awards for them and they are lucky they don't need them whilst simultaneously expecting the same kids to maintain the magic for those who do or they are responsible for the upset and the complete lack of motivation effort or behaviour from all the other kids....

I mean are the actual adults responsible for anything any more or is it all completely outsourced to children now..

@MintyMabel

I explained it to DD eventually as well but I wouldn't have explained it when she was of the age where she would repeat things. It actually is pretty much what OP told her DD after all and that is what has caused the trouble.

Entirely possible to explain it without effectively calling the kids little shits.

Absolutely it is possible to explain it without calling the kids little shits. I don't think that there's any way to explain it without making it clear that the teacher is trying to make a child who normally doesn't behave, behave better though. I wouldn't have wanted DD to repeat that either. Also, even though she understood why it was happening she did still think it very unfair and I couldn't blame her for thinking that really. If one of my peers (i.e. an adult) behaved badly I wouldn't think it unfair if they were rewarded too.

I wouldn't think it unfair would think it unfair