Fuckkkkkkkk, I told DD the naughty kids get the headteacher awards and then she went and told the other kids 😬

[Allwhiteeverythin]

School run is going to be fun today ffs

DD came out of school last Friday upset the same kid had the award for the 3rd time this term. She’s had it once since reception. I lost my temper a bit and just said “oh did they just give it to the naughty kids to make them feel better you already know how to behave” .

Which she then repeated to the other kids at school yesterday . Teacher told me after school and said she hadn’t realised this kid had had it 3 times (naughtiest kid in the class obvs).

They’re going to go home and tell their parents aren’t they?

Raise them to give the benefit of the doubt. It is kinder on everyone, their kids and yours

Kids can be quite literal though. You do have to be careful when teaching kindness not to completely override their gut feelings and their boundries. If they grow up assuming everyone who is mean to them or oversteps the mark towards them cant help it then that leaves them quite vulnerable themselves

DS is often overlooked, he struggles, so isn't even average, or blending in with the majority. A few weeks ago we had a parents evening phonecall and the class teacher said he is always well behaved, kind, friendly to everyone and makes good choices and there is no reason why he wouldn't get the Star of the Day every single day.

He is yet to actually receive the Star of the Day. Last week it went to the kid who that very morning was throwing handfuls of mud at a queue of parents and DC waiting for their class door to open. The school has erected cattle style barriers to create queueing areas so people couldn't even dodge as they were penned in against a wall. On that day DS had got full marks on his spelling test for the first time ever(I made him a certificate myself at home).

But if an adult has an issue that makes it difficult for them to be on time, is it fair for them to miss out on promotion because of it?

Depends what the issue is. If it's a disability of some description then possibly not, depending on whether their work is good enough. If it's simply because they can't be arsed, get up late, have late nights, or they're not putting the hours in even if they started later, then they absolutely shouldn't be rewarded for it but in the real world they would be shown the door. At school they win star of the week for getting it right once.

But if an adult has an issue that makes it difficult for them to be on time, is it fair for them to miss out on promotion because of it?

I would say yes, actually!

Kids can be quite literal though. You do have to be careful when teaching kindness not to completely override their gut feelings and their boundries. If they grow up assuming everyone who is mean to them or oversteps the mark towards them cant help it then that leaves them quite vulnerable themselves

I wouldn't want them to worry that they have special needs when they screw up too. It is part of being human that we sometimes do "naughty" things. How they deal with their own mistakes is a very important part of growing up into a decent adult.

But if an adult has an issue that makes it difficult for them to be on time, is it fair for them to miss out on promotion because of it?

Not everyone who is late has a disability just as not every child who misbehaves has a disability. If they do have a disability then obviously many workplaces will take that into account although they won't necessarily disregard it. It really depends on what is considered a reasonable accommodation. If they don't have a disability, not only will they not get promoted but they probably won't keep their jobs. That's the way the world works for adults. Either way they certainly won't get promoted just for being on time once.

@Whatwouldscullydo

Raise them to give the benefit of the doubt. It is kinder on everyone, their kids and yours

Kids can be quite literal though. You do have to be careful when teaching kindness not to completely override their gut feelings and their boundries. If they grow up assuming everyone who is mean to them or oversteps the mark towards them cant help it then that leaves them quite vulnerable themselves

I totally agree.

@MintyMabel

it's a massive leap to pretend that it doesn't take effort from the children who DO sit quietly, why shouldn't they be encouraged and rewarded for their efforts? Because their efforts are consistent, so they actually work harder?

For the vast majority of NT kids, raised in a loving household, sitting quietly when asked is not a major effort.

that's very judgmental and completely inaccurate.

You have no idea what work goes on at home to maintain good behaviour at school.

@Flippitty

The same child in his class has ‘won’ the Headteachers Award for 10 weeks since they returned back in September. Her family ‘donate’ money to the school but it’s now looking like they’re ‘buying‘ the awards....but you can’t tell the youngsters that!

So that would make it every single week since the beginning of term.

Honestly, is this the truth? Honestly?

@Hamm87

Funny enough happens at my ds school my own ds had a huge meltdown at school and the next week he got the award and he has never had it before he had a melt down as he was being picked on by the kid who normally wins it

Sounds a crap school tbh.

So awarding kids for either bullying or having meltdowns

That's actually pretty funny!! Oops. 🤣

@ShinyGreenElephant

* when I taught Y6 I made sure head boy and head girl were two of the 'invisible' quiet kids *

I am genuinely curious.

Some children (and adults) simply are quiet and would absolutely hate to be head of anything, as draws attention to them and they are often required to do public speaking etc.

The assumption that all quiet children are actually desperately hoping to have attention at school in some way, doesn’t fit with my experience of a very dear friend. She’s very quiet and very introverted and would hate to be be thrust in to the spotlight... no matter how positive that spotlight is

School went through a phase of giving my kid those star type awards when he was having a tough time at school. Which sounds nice but they were basically bemusing him into silence, there was a crappy unkind TA causing problems and they didn't address it, they were trying to get him to stop being upset without actually changing the cause. I don't know how it's done in other schools, but they're used in a patronising way at times in these parts.

You only said what most parents already know. This is my tenth year as as primary parent. I'm in no doubt that Head Teacher's award 90% of the time goes to a typically naughty child who manages a well behaved golden hour, or the small handful of ridiculous over achievers who have grown their hair for 3 years then cut it of for charity or gained a crazy high grade in piano, etc. Most DC who show up, do the work, are polite and follow rules day in, day out, get overlooked.

Twas ever thus.

@OhCaptain

ShinyGreenElephant that's great but while you sound like you do it exactly right, I think this thread highlights the sheer volume of teachers who just don't!

Or rather highlights the number of parents that don’t rate or trust their child’s teacher to make a professional, thoughtful and insightful decision - given the teacher is the one that spends 7 hours a day with the class and will have a much better understanding of what goes on, dynamics and context

Or rather highlights the number of parents that don’t rate or trust their child’s teacher to make a professional, thoughtful and insightful decision

Why do you think that is?

My DM said similar to me. I'm glad she did as I had been working my arse off for months to try and get one of the little plastic trophies the kids who had been bulking me got on more than one occasion. The self esteems of quiet, well behaved children matter too.

*bullying sorry!

@Caroncarona

Or rather highlights the number of parents that don’t rate or trust their child’s teacher to make a professional, thoughtful and insightful decision

Why do you think that is?

No idea

I am very happy with my children’s teachers and trust them.

If I didn’t trust their judgment, I’d be more concerned with how they’re educating my child than who they’re awarding with a weekly class award

I am very happy with my children’s teachers and trust them.

That's great. Some of my children's teachers have been fine. Others, not so much. We all clearly have different experiences as highlighted on this thread.

A teacher should be keeping records of who gets awards so the same one, naughty or nice, doesn't get it disproportionately to other children.

I don’t think you did anything wrong. We are honest with our child about the injustices in the world, even if small. Sometimes you just have to accept them so why lie to children and pretend these things are fair.

@Jroseforever one of them was a very low achieving little boy who struggled with literally everything- every subject, sports, art etc and was being bullied despite all my best efforts by a very nasty child. He desperately needed a confidence boost and making him head boy was fantastic for him - he was so, so happy and it helped his confidence hugely. The little girl I chose was not as quiet but she'd only been in the school a year so the staff didn't know her, but she had a very difficult home life, often came in hungry and still spent lots of time helping the younger polish kids, translating for them and reassuring them when they first got here and were scared. She was the absolute best role model ever so thats why I chose (or made everyone choose) her. There were other kids who would have hated it and they got recognition in different ways. But if we'd stuck to the traditional way of choosing head girl/boy it would have been the same, super confident kids picked whose parents were on the pta and who had been on school council multiple times. They were lovely kids and would have done a good job, but they didn't need it and it wouldn't have meant anything like as much to them. Most decent teachers know the kids inside out and back to front and have their reasons for making the choices they make which parents of other kids don't and shouldn't understand. Obviously some teachers are just lazy and making crap choices but I think that's a small minority

Raise them to give the benefit of the doubt. It is kinder on everyone, their kids and yours.

I refused to raise my children like that. It was very easy for them to see the children that misbehaved just because they felt like it and were acting big. They were often the same children that picked on others. There’s no way that these ‘naughty’ kids were going to make my children and their friends miserable and then be defended by me. My priority is my children’s happiness, not making excuses for other kids or pretend there’s not an issue. The school and the parents do enough of that.

@Caroncarona

I am very happy with my children’s teachers and trust them.

That's great. Some of my children's teachers have been fine. Others, not so much. We all clearly have different experiences as highlighted on this thread.

Yes

My point stands though. If you think your child’s teacher is so weak and unobservant that unprofessional (giving the award because the parents donate money one PP mentioned) that they lack insight in to the children the are teaching and who would benefit from awarded etc

Then I would say that the issue is bigger than just the award!