My mum is really angry about her Christmas card

[ChooseYourLameName]

I sent mine out early this year (I know, I know). My mum got hers today, earlier than expected since I sent them 2nd Class.

She doesn’t often answer her phone but she did today, I rang for a quick chat. She said ‘I got your card, thanks’. She sounded really disappointed (she’s either a really thrilled, happy as a button person or is really down in the dumps and snappy). I said is everything okay, she said ‘well it wasn’t a nice card, was it?’

It was part of a multipack, granted But I thought there were really sweet, with a snowman and red car with a tree on top. I said that I thought she’d like it, they’re just a little gesture. She said ‘Yeah well thanks’.

She then said ‘got to go, really busy, I’ll call you later’. She never does call later though.

Was I really CF for sending a multipack card? Can that be offensive if the person is an important person in your life? I just wanted to do something nice, to let people know they were in my thoughts.

I’m really hurt by this. I know I need to get a grip and I’m probably the silly one for thinking a cheap little card would be well received when people will probably bin it when they get them

Can't remember the last time our adult children gave us Christmas cards - probably ones they made at primary school. I really couldn't care less.

My late mother on the other hand spent her entire life being offended by something or someone. She liked those ridiculous schmaltzy card. I hated them. She always gave me one despite knowing I loathed them. A couple of years I completely forgot to give her a card; bearing in mind we hosted her every single Christmas, I didn't consider it a big deal. She really kicked off.

I would ignore your mum, she's being ridiculous and looking to be offended.

@DanielODonkey

My mum would have a shit fit over this. To her, cards must be as demonstrative and over the top as possible, anything less means the sender doesn't care and should be given the cold shoulder and silent treatment, before being sniffily.told that IT'S FINE a week later.

In reality, it doesn't actually matter. You sent her a Christmas card because you were thinking of her and that you thought it would be a nice thing to send out early.

As it is, I send my parents a joint card because none of the "mother" cards express my feelings for my mum (I don't think they do cards about gaslighting). She has a strop every year about it. If it wasn't the card it would be soemth8ng else.

Anyhoo. Your mum is ridiculous.

I think you've summed it up nicely for me. The cards for parents are a real nightmare for both my husband and me.

My mil was very mentally ill, made her children's lives a misery for a very long time and was never wrong or apologised for anything in her life. My parents are ok I guess, but were detached and emotionally stunted. Every card with a verse inside was basically a lie. They weren't the best parent ever or loving or supportive. Personalized cards must be tricky for many families.

You couldn't have SAID 'I couldn't give a shit about you' more clearly than send her a card like That. Why would you be that lazy?

Mil, is that you?

The type of card someone gives me isn't reflective of how they value me, I think it's weird to think to think people don't give a shit about you based on the type of card you receive.

Surely their behaviour towards you all year round is?

A nice personalised handpicked card doesn't mean someone gives a shit either. My dad was big in these before he died, he tried setting out house on fire when my Mam left him, didn't bother with contact most of the time when he met new women, didn't pay child support most of the time, a twee card from him wasn't reflective of how much he cared for his children at all. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your mum sounds about 12.

I do 'posh' multipack cards for family (10 for £4) and cheap multipack cards for work. November is too early though!

@HotSince63

You and your mum are both nuts - you for sending Christmas cards out before we are even halfway through November, and your mum for being upset that her card wasn't special enough.

Tbh if I received a Christmas card in the post tomorrow it'd go straight in the bin because honestly, it's not a thoughtful gesture, it's something you've ticked off your 'to do' list, there's no real sentiment or festive wishes in a Christmas card sent this early.

Totally agree with this!

Sounds fine to me, Op.

Well, you'll know not to bother again!

I cannot for the life of me fathom what planet someone would have to be on to be this rude (or rude at all) about a bloody card, and how anyone on here could be justifying it.

It seems to be really common for people of a certain generation to act this way, though. YANBU.

What sort of card would she deem appropriate? A special, To a Dear Mother Mother at Christmas one?

They send what I consider to be very schmaltzy twee 'to our darling sister and brother in law' type with inner leaflets, poems etc.

I (deliberately) gave DM one of those for her birthday once. Ribbons, poem, glitter, the lot. She looked at for about two seconds, then looked up and grinned, and said 'alright then, where's my real card?' But for that two seconds, her face was priceless

(Then she got her real card - a lovely photographic nature scene, a 'blank for your own message', and I'd written 'Happy birthday Mum, lots of love from Feeding. Which she loved.)

It’s not like you can go to a store to buy them. Multipacks are about as good as it gets in lockdown.

I would think it a waste if anyone spent more than 50p plus the cost of a second class stamp on a Christmas card for me.

I remember what my great aunt used to say when it was her birthday 'Don't waste money on a card, buy me a bag of sugar and write Happy Birthday on it instead'

"It seems to be really common for people of a certain generation to act this way, though"

Don't you just mean "certain people"?

There must be families where "named" cards just aren't a thing-for any generation?

She's being ridiculous, don't worry about it.

I don’t understand being precious about a card but I am going to admit to a little bit of schadenfreude here because I am irrationally annoyed by you sending cards in the first half of November!

I mean if you have free time write them but don’t post them! Whatever possessed you?

@diddl Yes, obviously it's a massive generalisation and doesn't apply to everyone, but I have only ever known it be people's fairly elderly relatives act like this about cards or gifts. There are threads all the time on here about people's mothers sulking with them because they are disappointed with their gifts. To me that is unthinkably rude, but it doesn't seem to be for a lot of people in this older generation.

What an odd reaction. I’ve never sent my parents a Christmas card and they’ve never sent me one either but if I did a multipack card would be ok

Mind you I hate Christmas cards they’re not great for the environment with that glitter and plastic bits on and they eventually end up in the recycling bin anyway

Wierd to send close family cards IMO -they’re for distant friends and relatives.

I always struggled with posh cards - the loving verses in side just weren’t true for my dysfunctional family . It took my hours to find cards that were nice but didn’t say things I didn’t mean. Once I forgot to check , my mother was never happier than reading a wordy verse she didn’t deserve ...

I wouldn't have sent my mum a card from a packet, but she has over reacted

I have friend who is like this with cards tho, so I know they do mean a lot to some people. The first year I knew her thankfully her boyfriend made the mistake of giving her a generic Christmas card before I had sent mine out. She ranted and raved at me about how thoughtless he was and how she felt like he had put no thought into it and how she felt he didn't know her at all. She had ripped the card up in front of him and sent him off to buy one that said girlfriend. She was swiftly added to the list of people I buy specific cards for and received one with special friend on it from me 😂

She would rather receive a thoughtful card than a gift, and to her credit she does put a lot of thought and effort into the cards she sends to others. There is always lovely messages in them and the cards are all carefully chosen with the person receiving them in mind

Oh I do like a nice card though, my adult dd usually gets us moonpig ones with a photo of us, although one year she forgot to alter the personalisation and it said To Graham on it (none of us are called Graham 😂)
I keep all cards off my kids too, they don't go in the bin.
Saying that I wouldn't be so rude as to complain at a multi pack one. I'd still keep it forever. You thought about her and picked a card she'd like it's fair enough.
Also Christmas in not in November, you know that santa murders an elf every time someone does Christmas stuff before December don't you!

The only issue is receiving it in mid November. If it had come amongst her other cards in December, the fact that it’s a multipack card might not have stood out to her.
Sounds like she bothered to answer the phone so she could take offence.

This is genuinely the first I have ever, in my life, heard about anyone being offended by a multipack card. I thought they were the norm. Though I knew they existed I have never bought anyone a status card and have never heard it said it was shabby not to. Baffled

I've never seen one of those big special cards that is tacky as fuck. Normally with a teddy bear on it. I don't understand them at all. Who the fuck wants to receive a card with some bullshit, thoughts thoughtless poem in. It makes me cross just thinking about it.

I send special cards to mum and MIL and get a
Multipack one from
Mum back and a mushy glittery crap one from MIL that still has the Card Factory price on the back.

I buy mine from M&S the year before in the sales for peanuts.

Cards are a waste of
Money, don’t lose any sleep.

A really nice, special card is important to my mum so that’s what I get for her. I don’t necessarily agree that it’s important but it matters to her. Your mum didn’t need to get shirty with you though.